Even the Best Laid Plans…

For those of you who have read Matthew’s email from today, you will know that his dinner last night consisted of carrots. And carrots. Of course, there is a bit more to that story. And it led to a bit of drama for our family today.

At about 11:30 this morning, as I was putting away groceries, I simultaneously received a concerned text from Daniel and a worried phone call from Nathan. With both of them reaching out at the exact same time, I suspected something was not right. And that was an appropriate assumption. Matthew had sent them a somewhat panicky message about having only carrots as his meal accompanied by a note that he could eat other items off the main line. That, of course, is not a safe way for Matthew to eat and so messages were sent to me. And unfortunately, Facebook Messenger is not the most reliable messaging platform ever, which means that I didn’t get any of them. My lack of response led to Matthew reaching out to his brothers who then immediately notified me. Once I sent a message to Matthew I started getting messages from him, so that helped simplify communications just a bit. And then I got on the phone to try to get someone from the MTC to help work the problem. 

It took me several months earlier this year to get a response from the guy who is the head of specialty meals at the MTC. And once I actually talked to him, he told me to email him again 2-3 weeks before Matthew entered the MTC. I did so and never got a response. Which was not all that assuring. As part of his preparations to enter the MTC, Matthew was given contact info for the MTC dietician and emailed her several weeks ago as well. She responded with some additional questions and after receiving answers to those questions let Matthew know they would have specialty meals for me. So, despite the lack of a response to me from one employee, confirmation from another told us that things were covered. But as evidenced by yesterday’s veggie only plate, there was a breakdown in communication somewhere along the line.

I started by trying to call the person I had spoken to back in April and there was no answer and not even an option to leave a message. So, I called the main MTC information desk and explained our predicament and asked for some help finding someone to talk to right away. The sister I spoke to tried to contact all the people who would normally be contacted, even reaching out to them via their cell phone numbers. But today is Pioneer Day, a Utah state holiday, and many people had the day off. When my helper couldn’t get in contact with anyone, she contacted her manager to see what to do next. She was told to reach out to the head of health and wellness for the entire MTC and see what he could do. I was told that he is generally very good about returning calls and that if the folks at the help desk didn’t hear from him within about half an hour, they would call me back.

While I was waiting, I reached out to a ward member who is well known to all my kids. She sent Kevin and I a message yesterday expressing thoughts that Matthew’s MTC arrival had gone smoothly. And as an afterthought, she mentioned that she had just barely found out that a good friend of hers worked in the specialty meals department at the MTC and that Matthew would be in good hands. Armed with that info, I reached out to her and asked for some help while I waited for a return call from the MTC. Within about thirty seconds she had responded with a resounding “Yes!” And only a few minutes later I received a phone call from her friend. I explained the situation and she got to work trying to find out who was working today. She told me to have Matthew head to the specialty meals room and wait for someone to come talk to him and to express clearly his food needs. I conveyed that info and as it was P-day and his schedule allowed him to go right away, Matthew headed to the cafeteria. 

Within the hour, I received a phone call from the brother who is the head of health and wellness for the MTC. After learning about the situation, he told me that he would work it out, offering to personally head down to the MTC if needed. He called again after a bit to tell me that he had talked to the MTC dietician, who was at work today, and that she and Matthew had spoken and had arranged a plan. He assured me that Matthew had eaten chicken, rice, and carrots for lunch, and that if I had any other concerns I could reach out to him. He expressed the hope that Matthew and the dietician would be able to continue to communicate well. He was very kind and perfectly willing to help us get Matthew fed and I’m very grateful. 

As for Matthew, I’m hoping that this will be a learning experience for him. Yes, there was some miscommunication that happened. And yes, it left him in a very tricky situation foodwise. But he doesn’t like to draw attention to his allergies and will often choose simply not to eat rather than make any fuss about his needs. But now that he is out in the world on his own, he can’t just wait until he gets home and then eat. At least, not for the next two and a half weeks. He had been in the MTC less than 24 hours at the time all of this became known to us, and he had no idea who to talk to or what the procedure would be if there were issues with his meals, so having me available to help work out the issue was good. But in future, he won’t always be able to contact us at the exact time. Now, in his defense, he did try to get some details on procedures and such before he went to the MTC, as did I. But he didn’t get those questions answered. And despite that, he walked into the MTC with a lot of faith yesterday afternoon.

Before Matthew ever left, we all knew that foodwise, the MTC and his first 48 hours in Arkansas would be the trickiest. So hopefully things will go more smoothly from here on out. I do plan to have a package of food waiting for him at the mission office in Arkansas when he arrives there in several weeks to try to help cover that gap between leaving the MTC, being able to get to a grocery store, and finding local brands of foods that are safe for him. Because honestly, finding the right foods can sometimes feel like a full-time job. Even simple and common foods like pasta and tuna are very difficult to find in Matthew friendly versions. But like I said before, I’ve taught him everything he needs to know. I’ve given him some tools to help ease the search for food as living within missionary rules can make taking the time necessary for him to shop somewhat tricky, and he knows that it is going to take a lot of effort to make things run smoothly. But he’s determined to make it work. He has a great desire to be serving as a missionary and I know that as he gives it his very best effort and continues to keep moving forward with faith, he will be blessed.

As for us, all our collective blood pressures have returned to normal as a crisis has been averted. And according to Tawni, it is a good day because the brother didn’t die, and she got a job! Huzzah!

Set…

Matthew has been of two minds the past week and a half. One mind says, “Zoom stinks! Three-hour virtual classes are soooo long! I do much better in person! Get me out of this basement!!” Mind one is clearly hearkening back to the emotional trainwreck that was the Covid shutdown. On the other hand, mind two has been saying, “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuugh!!!!!!!” This morning held a pretty good amount of both minds. While he was anxious to actually get to the MTC, meet his district, and feel like he is moving forward, there was a good amount of stress happening as well. The closer we got to our departure time, the quieter and more serious he got. 

We started our morning with dessert for breakfast in the form of cinnamon swirl pancakes. An hour or so of And It Came to Pass, Matthew’s favorite card game, followed as a form of necessary distraction and some last-minute quality family time. And then it was time for the final packing and preparation to make the drive to Provo. A much-needed father’s blessing was given and then we headed south. This trip was a bit different from the ones we made with Daniel and Nathan because for those ones, it was just Kevin and me. But with Malia out of school for the summer, there was no way we were going to leave her home alone. That would have been just too hard. So, she got to experience the missionary factory for the first time. And there were a few tears shed as we drove away, both mine and Malia’s. She’s having a bit of a hard day.

As for me, I’m doing ok. It is always an emotional thing to let a child leave home for the first time. And I’m a crybaby so that means the emotions are always accompanied by a few tears. But as a mother, I’ve earned the right to feel joy and sadness at the same time as my children leave my little nest and embark on their adult lives. And I’ll admit that it’s a little harder with Matthew because of the food allergy worries. But I’ve spent the past eighteen years teaching him everything he needs to know about feeding himself safely, so now it’s time for me to trust that he has taken the lessons to heart. And I know he has.

As Matthew and I spoke last night, one of the things I told him is that while it isn’t easy to let go of the friends and relationships he has cultivated here at home, it will be easier to look forward instead of back once he is in a new location. It won’t magically make letting go simple, but it will allow him to focus more fully on what is to come. I really felt like once he got to the MTC he would feel like he has actually started his mission rather than feeling like he is still biding his time. And as we got out of the car and unloaded his luggage, that is what I saw in his face. He was ready to get moving. He was calm and full of light. And after just a few moments of hugs and final farewells, he was off. He’s one step closer to starting the work. Go forward in faith, Elder Estes. I suspect that faith will be much needed as he stares at his first MTC meal this evening.

Let me end with one somewhat related entertaining tidbit. After we dropped Matthew off, Kevin, Malia and I stopped for lunch at Raising Cane’s, one of Malia’s favorite fast food joints. As we filled our drink cups, one of the employees, a middle-aged woman who looked just a little bit frazzled, commented that we had just missed missionary Wednesday. I commented that we had just experienced missionary Wednesday ourselves and thought nothing of the it. But it seems that it was very confusing to her because a few minutes later, Kevin overheard a comment she made, wondering why in the world we wouldn’t bring our missionary with us, especially as it was their last meal and everything. It was highly entertaining because 1) eating the food at Raising Cane’s would actually kill our missionary and 2) when he is super stressed like he is today, he can’t eat. It makes him feel sick if he does. I was genuinely surprised that he managed to eat three pancakes at breakfast. So yes, while most families will eat with their missionary prior to dropping them off at the MTC, our order of operations was opposite. And it was a good reminder that when people do things that don’t make sense to us, there is usually a good reason why. We just don’t know what it is!

She Beat Him to It!

When the young women leaders in our ward announced that this week’s activity would be a tour of the MTC, the timing seemed providential. Matthew is in the middle of his home MTC time and will head to the physical MTC next week. Malia is struggling with the thought of Matthew leaving as well as being the only child left at home, and we are trying to find ways to help her work through all these changes. She has been pretty reluctant to attend the activities as of late due to the social difficulties she has encountered in this ward, so I was hoping that she would be willing to go to this one. Not only was she willing, but when asked by someone in the young women, she promptly responded in the affirmative with no coaxing on my part. And so this evening, she was off to the MTC. Which was confusing for Nathan when he happened to check in with the “Find My” app!

Malia felt like her time was well spent. She got to see the gym, the cafeteria, the murals that are part of the new addition that was built a few years ago, etc. When asked, she felt like it helped a bit to know here Matthew would be and to have a bit of an idea what his life will be like for the week he is there. I suspect that means that we will be googling a variety of locations in Arkansas and Missouri as he moves around the mission so that Malia can have a more solid idea of where he is and what he is doing. 

And now that I think about it, we used to do that exact thing years ago when Matthew was tiny and Kevin was doing a lot of traveling while he worked at Adobe. So, let’s harness the power of the internet to bring the mission a bit closer to home. Along with Matthew’s weekly video chats with the fam, maybe that will help Malia feel like he is not so very far away after all.

Go Forth with Faith

I was in Deseret Book a few weeks ago picking up some items for Nathan. While I was there, an image caught my eye. It is one I’ve seen once or twice in the past, but it resonated with me in a much more personal way on this occasion. Most artwork about Helaman’s band of stripling warriors features just those righteous, courageous young men as they prepare to march into battle. But this one focuses on a point earlier in their story. What caught my attention was the mother of the two young men in this painting. She had lovingly trained her sons, taught them to have faith and courage, encouraged them to rely on God in all that they did, and then she had to let them leave the safe haven of home and entrust them to the Lord. 

I think I have an inkling of how those faithful mothers felt as their sons marched off to defend their lives, their families, and their God. I have raised and nurtured my children, taught them about the Savior and his gospel, helped them develop a testimony of their own and encouraged them to live their lives with faith, courage, and integrity. We have our own wars in this dispensation, spiritual wars that are fought every day in every country by every follower of Christ. Like those faithful, obedient women of the past, when my children leave home, I can only pray for their safe return and trust them into the Lord’s keeping.

Today was another day of temporary parting. After many long months of anticipation and many long hours of zoom meetings over the past week, it was finally time for Nathan to head to the MTC. Home MTC has been good for a number of reasons such as getting a peek at what missionary training is like for those of us who don’t know, being able to participate in Nathan’s preparation, being included in some virtual family events, and still having Nathan here for a rousing hand of Uno or Phase 10 from time to time. However, it has also had its challenges like the previously mentioned long zoom meetings, trying to teach with companions you have never met in person, and trying to schedule companion study with a threesome of missionaries all of whom are in different time zones. For these and many other reasons, Nathan was incredibly excited to head to the MTC in person.

Matthew had jazz band at 6:30 this morning, so he said his farewells to Nathan last night. When asked on the way to school in the wee hours, he wasn’t sure how he felt yet, but I do know that he is going to miss Nathan. Over about the past year as Matthew as gotten older, his relationship with Nathan has improved. They have some similar interests and experiences in the middle school arena (stage crew, participation in the musicals) and having those commonalities and some maturity on the part of both has helped them take many steps closer to being friends rather than just brothers. Matthew will be more than halfway through high school by the time Nathan returns, so my hope is that they will be able to pick up where they left off and continue developing their relationship in positive ways.

Malia had a bit of a rough morning because she had to say goodbye to Nathan before leaving for school, but Nathan left her a bit of a parting gift. Malia has not been talking much about how she feels despite being frequently questioned by Kev and I. However, for the past several days Toothless (her favorite dragon stuffed animal) has been making her emotions known by saying that he wanted to sleep with Nathan for his last two nights at home and wishing he could fit in Nathan’s suitcase. I’m incredibly grateful that Toothless would pipe up about those emotions and I’m more than grateful that Nathan was willing to accommodate Toothless’s first request. Apparently Toothless snores and Malia thought that was hilarious. As Kevin, Nathan and made our final preparations to leave the house, Nathan left Toothless and Lilianna (one of Malia’s dolls) at the front window watching for her return. And she loved it. When she arrived home after school, she knew Nathan was thinking of her.

Kevin and I took Nathan to lunch prior to his drop off time and our mealtime was such that we ended up with about an hour to spare afterward. We were taking a leisurely drive in the vicinity of the Provo temple when Daniel started texting. As I mentioned in a previous post, Daniel is in Las Vegas this week so has been unable to join us for our final days before Nathan’s departure. We had plenty of time and it seemed Daniel was in a spot where he was available as well, so I encouraged him to call to talk to Nathan one last time, which he did. They were able to chat for a good thirty minutes. The timing working out just right was one of those tender mercies that we have been seeing in spades over the past several weeks and was a blessing for my two oldest boys. They have become quite close over the past months at USU, and I know that they will miss each other. 

I didn’t shed any tears until we actually drove down into the underground parking at the MTC. Our final farewell was short, as the MTC has the drop off procedures are fined tuned to meet the needs of many arriving at the same time, but I’ll admit that there were a few tears shed. In my defense, I’m a mom whose child is leaving for two years and while I know he is doing the right thing at the right time and he is ready, willing, and excited to get going in this great work, it’s still an emotional thing for a mom. However, the sadness at our temporary parting is greatly tempered by the fact that we will get to talk via video chat weekly. It’s not the same as in person, but it’s a vast improvement over the twice a year phone calls of years past.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It is hard. Some days are harder than others, and the days when my children leave are some of the hardest thus far. However, I also know that motherhood is an eternal role. No matter how far away their lives may take them and no matter how long it is until they return, they will always be my children. That is the big prize at the end of the eternal race: eternal life with my eternal family. That reminder is one of the things that keeps me going on hard days, days like today. I am so proud of Nathan’s desire to serve the Lord. I know he is in the very best of hands. I hope that this time away from us will be to his eternal benefit and the eternal benefit of those he may teach.

Motivations

When we spoke to Daniel last week, he told us that the other missionaries in his MTC district, nearly all of whom are from outside Utah, asked him what going to church is like around here. Daniel’s response was, “There are members of the church and there are followers of Christ.” To me, it seemed a very profound answer, an apt description of the way things are around here. With church members making up so much of the local population, I think it can be easy to go to church because that is what is expected of you by family, friends, neighbors, etc. rather than going because you really want to be there. As I’ve pondered on that over the past week, it has led me to an honest personal assessment of the category into which I fall. Although there are meetings that I’m definitely not overly thrilled to attend, in general, I go to church as a follower of Christ. I go because I want to be there. I go because I want to associate with and learn from the other members of my ward. I go because it reminds me that there are other people who understand the struggles I have and who support me in those struggles. I go because feeling the calm of church meetings after a crazy week gives me a renewed sense of peace as I head into another crazy week. And most of all, I go because I want to partake of the sacrament each week, renew my covenants and start each week brand new, and become just a little more Christlike in the process.

There have been times in my life when I’m not sure I was attending 100% as a follower of Christ, times when going seemed like a chore, not a privilege. I’m sure there are many people who have those times, but I can honestly say that for me, those times have been few and short lived. And as I’ve gotten older and gained a better understanding of what the gospel is all about, I find that I’m becoming more and more certain that I’m going to church for the right reasons. In fact, as I have incorporated the many new church adjustments into my life and the lives of my family members, I think I’m even more determined to be a true follower of Christ. The world is getting ever more wicked and as I watch the spiritual darkness coalesce around us, I want to surround my children with as much light as possible and arm them with sure testimony and growing conversion before I send them out into the world. And I can only do that if I’m surrounding myself with as much light as possible, arming myself with sure testimony and ever-growing conversion. Does that mean I’m perfect? A mom who never makes mistakes and has figured everything out? Not by a long shot. I have a long way to go, but the Lord has given me a tender mercy in that he’s allowed me to see who I was, how far I’ve come, and given me a glimpse of the person he wants me to become.

When I was in college at BYU, it used to make me angry to be lumped into the “Utah Mormon” category because it seemed like many members of the church from outside Utah felt like those of us raised here were only church members out of habit or expectation. I felt like they didn’t see that although growing up as a church member in Utah was easier in a variety of ways, it still had its challenges and being truly converted still required effort and conviction. For instance, when we're not faced with the need to overtly choose to live the gospel each day, not slipping into complacency can become a challenge. I’m so proud that Daniel has, in one short phrase, accurately conveyed that being a fully converted member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is always a choice no matter where you live and that simply being surrounded by other saints doesn’t automatically mean that our testimonies are of a lesser sort than saints in other parts of the world. Yes, I concede the fact that being a church member here is much easier than in many parts of the world, but when it comes right down to it, the Savior is not going to favor one soul over another because of where they lived. Every one of us is given the same opportunity to claim all the blessings of eternity and has the same responsibility to use our agency wisely. No matter where we live, every one of us has to choose to step up to the task and live as a true follower of Christ.