Last March I briefly mentioned that I applied for and was invited to participate in a multicultural choir that was slated to sing for General Conference in April 2020. I didn’t give a lot of details of that time, just mentioned it as I was dealing with the fallout of the COVID induced shut down. But now it’s time for me to tell the story.
In January of 2020, the church announced that there would be a multicultural choir singing for the April 2020 general conference. They were accepting applications from anyone who lived along the Wasatch front and was interested in participating. I applied, as did my sisters Rachael and Esther. In mid-February we were notified as to whether or not we would be able to sing. I was invited to participate, but neither of my sisters were. I had some very mixed feelings. I was so excited to participate but also so disappointed that my sisters would not be able to have the experience with me. I love them and am so grateful for them though, as they both encouraged me to do it anyway, which of course I was anxious to do. I accepted the invitation and rehearsals began a few weeks later.
At the first rehearsal, the sister who works for the church and coordinates the choirs told us how the multicultural choir came to be. In October 2019 general conference, Pres. Nelson had announced that conference in April 2020 would commemorate the 200th anniversary of the First Vision. He invited all of us to prepare by studying the restoration. He also announced that the Saturday evening session would be a very special one associated with that anniversary. The church choir coordinator was making plans to invite a certain area to provide a choir as she always does, but the prophet changed her plans when he personally requested that a multicultural choir be assembled for that special session. She quickly shifted gears and once the announcement was made, the applications started rolling in. There were only 360 spots available in the choir and the church music department received 6300 applications. They had no idea the response would be so overwhelming, and they worked long hours to select who would be invited to participate.
At that first rehearsal she told us that they had been guided by the Spirit and knew that there was a reason each one of us was in attendance. They didn’t know they reasons, but they knew there were reasons and said that some of us might know why and some of us might not. At that point, I had no idea why I had been included.
Some other tidbits that were shared with all of us during that first rehearsal were the facts that the choir was compiled with careful attention to what the membership of our worldwide church looks like. There were representatives from six continents. I don’t remember the exact numbers at that time, but there were a multitude of countries and languages represented. As I looked around at all the others in attendance, it was clear that my half Chinese heritage was actually one of the less exotic ones. I was born in Utah, have spent most of my life here, and speak only English. And yet I had been included in this amazing group. I honestly felt a little bit unworthy of my spot. However, the Lord is infinitely merciful and later that evening after I returned home and was preparing for bed, through the Spirit the Lord shared with me why I was able to be a part of such an amazing event. I won’t share that reason here as it is very personal, but I had no doubt as to why I was asked to sing. It was one of those “spiritually defining memories” (Neil L. Anderson, April 2020 General Conference) that confirmed to me that the Lord loves me and knows me better than anyone else, better even than I know myself.
We only had six rehearsals in which to learn all the music, so things moved fast. Unfortunately, COVID moved even faster. After our third rehearsal, the prophet made the decision to close general conference to the general public. At that point we were informed that we would still sing for general conference with just the speakers and the choir in attendance. Within just a few days the plan changed again, and we were going to prerecord our numbers so they could be played during general conference. But the world was shifting too quickly and overnight, everything was shut down due to COVID. That meant our choir was shut down as well. We were told that we were tentatively rescheduled for October 2020, but I was still enormously disappointed. It was just one of a multitude of disappointments my family was dealing with at the time and as I tried to help my kids weather the unknown world we suddenly found ourselves living in, I kind of had to push it to the background of my mind and keep moving forward.
As we all know, things had not improved by October 2020 and general conference was again a broadcast with just the speakers in attendance. April 2021 followed the same pattern and after that, I kind of gave up hope. It had been over a year, and it seemed the choir was a thing of the past. During that year the choir members had been invited to participate in several virtual choir projects (one that ended up being a part of a worldwide young adult broadcast) and that was super cool, but it felt like the opportunity to sing live would never materialize.
But the Lord had other ideas, and in June I received an email letting me know that we had been given the green light to sing live in the October 2021 general conference. I was so excited and replied that I was definitely still interested in participating. At last, it looked like we would be able to sing! But COVID wasn’t done with us yet. In August, as infection rates began to rise once again, the leaders of the church felt a need to make changes to the choir in an attempt to make it safer for all of us. Instead of 360 members, the choir would need to be cut in half in order to make social distancing possible. The church music department listed a number of other COVID accommodations that would be made and again asked for responses about whether or not we wanted to participate. Not surprisingly, there were far more people who still wanted to participate than they could accept. There was a long week of waiting as once again they let the Spirit guide them as they cut the choir down to 180 members.
With 50% of us getting the ax, I fully expected to be cut from the choir. Yes, they did say they would hopefully be able to ask those people cut from the choir to participate in the future, but no one knew when that would be, and it seemed easier to assume I would not get to sing rather than get my hopes up. But the Lord’s ideas are often different than my own and once again, I was invited to participate. I’m going to be completely honest when I say that it has been a very humbling experience to be chosen not once, but twice to participate in this choir. It is a confirmation to me that the Lord sees me, knows me, is mindful of me. I’m not just a face in the crowd to him. I’m important and loved. Yet another “spiritually defining memory.”
Now let me tell you about all our COVID accommodations. First of all, every one of us was required to be fully vaccinated. We would be socially distancing during all rehearsals and performances. We would also be rehearsing in the Tabernacle on Temple Square rather than a normal church building so we could have assigned seats to facilitate contact tracing in case of positive cases. We were required to wear masks except when actively singing. If we were exposed to a positive case of COVID, we were required to wait three days and then test ourselves before returning to rehearsals. If we were sick at all, even the sniffles, we were asked to stay home just in case. Rehearsals were recorded so those at home for illness or waiting to test could still learn the music. As our performance date approached, we would be regularly COVID tested to ensure we were all well. We were told numerous times during our first few rehearsals in August that we were the guinea pigs for the Tabernacle Choir. If we could meet and perform safely, they would be able to do so as well. So now I can honestly say that I’ve been a test subject in a medical experiment. I believe human testing is legal in this case as we were all fully consenting adults. 😂
We were also told that we were a historical choir. Not only were we an unprecedented multicultural choir, we were the first church choir to return since COVID hit and the first to rehearse in the pandemic. We were also the first conference choir (other than the Tab Choir) to rehearse in the Tabernacle. And when we moved to the Conference Center for rehearsals a few weeks later, we were the first again. We were the first church choir to participate in a “test to sing” protocol and just two days after our first testing date when we proved that all the precautions were working by having everyone test negative, the Tabernacle Choir was able to hold their first rehearsal in over a year and a half. I guess we did a pretty good job as guinea pigs. 😁
Singing in this choir has been a great experience. One of my favorite moments occurred in one of our first rehearsals this year. We would sing hymns to warm up as people arrived and checked in. One week there was a request to sing “I Am a Child of God” with everyone singing in their native language. To be in the middle of that group and be one of only a very few singing in English was very powerful, a tangible reminder that the church is a worldwide church and that in the gospel, none are excluded. No matter where we are from, what language we speak, or what we look like, all are welcome and loved in Christ’s church. We are all children of God. I don’t necessarily forget that, but sometimes I think that because I have spent the majority of my life here in Utah where the church is based, I don’t see the reality of how varied our church really is. And what a touching reminder singing with this amazing group of people has been.
Another of my favorite moments occurred at our last rehearsal. Each week one or two choir members were asked to bear their testimonies at the beginning of rehearsal. On this last evening, a brother from Rwanda was invited to share his testimony. He told us he was in Rwanda during the genocide that occurred in 1994. During a short 100 days, over a million people were killed. He said that as a result of that horrible event, a lot of children were abandoned on the streets, and he was one of them. He lived on the streets for a few years and at some point in his life, he met a group of church members and was converted. He then referred to the third verse of one of our songs, “Consider the Lilies,” that says “Consider the sweet, tender children who must suffer on this earth. The pains of all of them he carried from the day of his birth.” He bore his testimony that the Savior does indeed know and care about each and every one of those children, and he knows that because he was one of those children. He told us that when he watched general conference broadcast from the conference center, he never could have imagined that he would be standing in the conference center, singing in general conference. It was a powerful reminder that I’ve led a very easy life, a charmed life you could say, where I never went hungry, was never without a home or a family, my physical needs were always met, and I grew up feeling safe and secure. I never had to sacrifice family and friends in order to be a follower of Christ. I was never forced from my home by political upheaval or a natural disaster. I was never a refugee in a country where no one spoke my language. And these things are the realities of life for so many. I was so humbled as I thought of how blessed I have been and so in awe of the spiritual strength of all those who have weathered the worst kinds of storms and still remained optimistic and strong in the gospel. I hope as I move forward, I will look at my life with a great deal more gratitude than I have in the past.
After just six rehearsals, conference day arrived. The tabernacle became COVID central as we all arrived to test prior to rehearsal. If our test came back negative, we were given a blue sticker to put on our security badges. Throughout the day, security was looking for those blue stickers just as much as they were checking badges. Once we acquired our much-coveted blue sticker, we headed over to the conference center for a short rehearsal, lunch, and an even shorter camera check before conference began.
I thought I would be nervous knowing that the entire world would be watching, but I wasn’t anxious at all. As we settled into our seats and the organ began to play the prelude music, all I felt was peace and calm. It was akin to the feeling I get in the temple. The audience was very small, just a few general authorities and their families, and so there was no rustle that accompanies a large crowd. Everyone was sitting quietly, listening to the music. Add to that the presence of the prophet, apostles and other church leaders as they began to take their seats, and the Spirit was there in spades. That auditorium became a sacred space, and I was completely at peace.
This was the first conference held in the auditorium since October 2019 and it was also the first to have live music in that same period of time. I feel so blessed to have been a part of that. Music can invite the Spirit like nothing else can, and as we sang, we were not performing, we were worshipping. I love singing, always have. But as often happens with life, it has been pushed to the background by other responsibilities. While I’ve sung with numerous ward and stake choirs over the years, I’ve missed singing with a large choir. But I didn’t realize just how much until I was offered the chance to sing with this choir. Being able to raise my voice with all those others in praise of our Savior brought joy to my heart. Afterwards, I had a variety of people tell me that I looked happy as I sang. And they were exactly right. I was happy, joyful in fact. What a glorious experience it was. The only thing I missed was having my family there with me. Due to COVID, we were unable to invite any of our family to be present in the conference center and I wish they could have been there with me.
As with so many good things, it all went by too quickly. Before I knew it, the session was over. But we were blessed in one more way. As soon as the prayer was said, Pres. Nelson gathered up his wife and they made a beeline for the choir loft. Pres. Nelson spoke to our director, gave her an elbow bump which is the COVID equivalent of a handshake, and then waved and blew kisses to the choir. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried, but I was in good company as most of the choir, both men and women, had tears in their eyes. What a tender mercy that the prophet took a moment to acknowledge us. After all we had been through and how long we had waited to be there, it was a sweet moment that brought more joy to my heart. Pres. Nelson had requested just such a choir and while it took much longer than we had planned to get to sing, he honored us in those few words and actions.
As soon as the prophet and his wife left the auditorium, the sister who coordinates the conference choirs came back in, her eyes wide with astonishment. Concerning Pres. Nelson’s visit to the choir loft, she said, “That never happens!” That made our small moment with the prophet that much sweeter knowing that it was not a frequent occurrence. I will cherish that memory.
Once the church leaders were gone, security gave us the ok to leave the loft and we were led back to the lobby of the conference center. As previously planned, we gathered outside for an unofficial group photo. It just so happened that there was a KSL camera man onsite and some of the choir members, all juiced up on joy and adrenaline, decided we should sing for him. Everyone was happy to comply, of course, and we sang “I Am a Child of God” in native languages and then “We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet.” Our director joined us and when she asked if we wanted to know what the prophet had said, there was an enthusiastic shout of, “Yes!” She said that he asked where she got the choir and said we sounded like the Tabernacle Choir. What a sweet compliment. I don’t know if it’s true or not, I haven’t listened to the recordings yet, but whether true or not, it was a very kind and heartfelt comment.
As I’ve said before, it was all over too soon. The hours had flown by and before I knew it, I was headed home. I spent the remainder of the weekend listening to conference with my family and found joy there as well. Not only was I with my most favorite people in the whole world, but conference was a great reminder that living the gospel will bring us joy. There were quite a few speakers who quoted Pres. Nelson who said, “The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.” As I pondered on that, I was reminded that sometimes joy is a choice. In fact, often it’s a choice. It makes me so grateful for the “find the good” attitude Kev has been encouraging all of us to cultivate over the past year and a half.
Just a couple more highlights from conference. There were several comments that seemed meant just for me and my circumstances. It seems there is concern amongst the church in general that matches the concerns my ward leadership has in our own neighborhood which is a confirmation to me that the Spirit is guiding all of us in our respective callings. There were things said that match my own thoughts which was a confirmation that the Spirit has been teaching me pure truth. And I was given the opportunity to raise my hand to sustain the church leaders while I was in the same room with them. That was pretty neat!
In his closing remarks at the end of conference, Pres. Nelson posed the question, “How will we be different because of what we have heard and felt?” I have several things that have stuck in my mind that I hope will guide and direct me as I move forward. There are ways that I can improve, and I hope will remember the promptings I have received and be humble enough to act on them. How blessed we are to live in the time of the restoration of Christ’s church. How blessed we are to live in a time when there is a living prophet and living apostles on the earth. How blessed we are to have the opportunity to hear them speak every six months. How blessed we are to have the technology that puts their words at our fingertips at any time. And how blessed I have been that the peace and calm I felt during the session I attended on Saturday remained with me all weekend.
The choir was allowed to listen to the very beginning of the Saturday morning session while we waited for everyone to finish with their COVID testing. As Pres. Nelson opened the conference, he urged everyone to seek for pure truth, pure doctrine, and pure revelation during this conference. For me, I feel to add that I have looked for, and found, pure joy as well.
