Life Lessons

As always, this past year has left my family and I with a multitude of life lessons that we will carry with us as we start the new year. Here are a few of them.

Daniel continues to learn that being an independent adult is hard and that there are numerous challenges and detours along the path to your life and career goals. He is also learning that sometimes things you once enjoyed can become more work than fun and that it’s ok because goals and priorities can and should shift with time. He has also learned that sometimes mental health is worth more than money. Despite that, he is still enjoying his music because he has also learned that the things that bring him joy are a necessary part of his life. Perhaps the funniest lesson he has learned, at least to me, is that he is so done with on campus housing because it is where all the freshmen live, and he is good and ready for some more mature roommates and ward members.

Nathan has learned to wait on the Lord. That is a hard lesson to learn at any age, and I am constantly astounded by how faithfully he has learned it. He has also learned that waiting on the Lord does not mean standing still and has continued to move forward with his life even as he waits. He was planning to be in Texas but is home with us instead. He still has a headache which is not what any of us want. He is returning to school much sooner than planned but with the limitations a non-stop headache has placed on him. He has moments when he feels like he can’t take any more, but overall, he handles it all with an amazing amount of faith and patience. Not only has he learned some incredibly difficult things, but his example has helped me learn them too.

Matthew has learned that sometimes talent is enough to get you where you want to be, but more often than not, it also requires hard work. He is beginning to learn how to deal with some performance anxiety so that he can play as confidently in front of others as he does when he is alone. He has also learned that he really does have the knowledge and the ability to feed himself safely away from home and family and has realized that being able to do so is a necessary part of being able to fully participate in all that high school, and life, have to offer. Another thing he has learned is that he has different talents, strengths and skills than his older brothers and that it is ok. In fact, being different is amazing! That lesson in itself is a hugely important one. 

Malia has begun to learn that sometimes the social aspect of school is the hardest part and that doing the right thing isn’t always easy. But she has also learned that it’s ok to stand up for herself and that doing the right thing, even when it is hard, is worth it in the long run. She has discovered that you can be friends with someone and not always agree with them and that you can even be mad at them and still be friends. And that what is good for you is not always what makes you happy. She has also learned that she can do hard things, even if they are scary. 

Kevin has learned that it’s ok to ask for help when you need it. He has also learned that when others offer to help, saying no denies them the blessings that come from ministering. An associated lesson is that many hands really do make light work. He has learned that having an emotionally demanding job means that sometimes you need to take a break and that it is ok to do so. It doesn’t make you weak. 

I have learned that the Old Testament is not as scary and cryptic as it may seem. Don’t get me wrong. I still think it is the most challenging book of scripture to read and comprehend, but I have discovered that as with all scripture, time, effort, pondering and a healthy dose of the Spirit can help me learn the lessons the Lord wants me to learn. I have learned, or been reminded, that a mother’s job is never easy. Watching Nathan patiently suffer with the headaches that he has inherited from me and not being able to do anything to help him has been a humbling and heart wrenching experience. I have also learned all the lessons that my family has learned. Regardless of age, we are all teaching and learning from one another and that is exactly how it should be in a family. 

As I contemplate what the past year has taught us, I can once again say that life is unpredictable. We can plan all we want, but things don’t always follow the plans, however carefully made they might be. But I must concede that no matter how my personal plans turn out, the Lord’s grand master plan is always perfectly executed. Yes, we have had some twists in our road that have been challenging for us. But we have also seen a multitude of tender mercies that have reminded us that the Lord always knows what he’s doing and that his plan is always for our eternal good. And we have all learned many important lessons along the way. And will continue to learn as we keep moving forward. Sometimes it can take a good long while to see where we are going but moving forward with faith is one of the things we are sent here to do. 

As I look forward to a new year, I’m trying to have just a little more faith to wait on the Lord. I am looking a little harder to see his hand in our lives. I’m trying to allow myself to find a little more peace, a little more joy in my life despite the twists and turns. I’m trying to let go of a little more fear and anxiety and replace it with love for and trust in my Savior. All of that seems like a tall order, but I’m also trying to remember that I don’t have to do it all at one time and that I never have to do it alone. The Lord is my light. By day and by night his presence is near. Bring on the new year.

(Post) Yuletide Delights-Part VII AKA: Kung Fu Baking

As I mentioned yesterday, our schedule in December has been increasingly hectic. Despite that, my kiddos all have Christmas activities and traditions that they want to be on hand for. In our attempts to juggle school, work, band, church, and family activities, we decided that our annual gingerbread day was going to occur after Christmas so that we could actually enjoy it rather than feeling like we were just cramming in one more obligation. Today is Christmas (observed), so I guess that technically we did gingerbread on Christmas!

When I asked everyone if they had a preferred gingerbread theme (big houses, mini houses, giant gingerbread, etc.), most of my kids were noncommittal. But Nathan really wanted to make ninja-bread men, so we broke out the piping bags and created an army of tasty non-pacifists. We all had fun designing our little fighters, but Nathan went above and beyond and made his cookies fight each other. I think it was hilarious!

We also enjoyed a little taste of Texas today and made Texas style sausage kolaches. We all liked them as they were very tasty, but Nathan was the happiest of all. It put a little “yeehaw” back in his step!

Christmas: A Day, a Season, or a Lifestyle?

It seems like the older my kids get, the more hectic the holiday season gets, and the more mellow Christmas day becomes. I recall last year being that way, and this year followed the same pattern. We had all kinds of concerts and activities throughout the month, but today was a calm day, one in which we were able to sleep in just a bit, enjoy our presents, and make it to church in plenty of time. Having the opportunity to go to church on Christmas is always nice too, and one of the perks for me is being able to sing in celebration of the Savior’s birth. I love Christmas music and while we haven’t had an official ward choir in our ward since sometime before Covid hit, one wonderful sister in our ward was missing it and volunteered to pull together a choir just for Christmas. And I loved it. Daniel and Nathan also did a musical number and Daniel can now say that he was officially the first person ever to play saxophone in our ward’s sacrament meeting. And let me assure you that it was very reverent and sacrament meeting appropriate. 

The opening of our presents has gotten mellower as well. The heady anticipation of the very young has become tempered as our kids have gotten older, which lessens the frenzy of tearing off wrapping paper and bows. That doesn’t mean there is no excitement, it just means the amount of sleep deprivation is considerably lower and everyone has a bit more patience with the process.

As usual, there was some Lego to unwrap this morning. I honestly don’t think my family knows how to do Christmas without Lego. Daniel got a cool blacksmith shop, Matthew got the Infinity Gauntlet and Malia got the Harry Potter inspired Hungarian horntail dragon. Neither Kevin or Nathan received any Lego and I think both of them were at a bit of loss as far as how to fill their time once all the presents were opened. 

Books are pretty common gifts around here as well, and while we only had a few books given this year, several of those were personalized volumes. I finally finished Daniel’s mission book and gifted that to him, and Nathan authored a fantastic chronicle of Tiny Toothless’s adventures in Texas just for Malia. It was totally fun and made all of us laugh!

Nathan got a variety of Texas themed items including a Buckie’s t-shirt, a teeny tiny Texas waffle iron, and some Tony Chachere’s creole seasoning. Nathan says this particular seasoning pretty much replaces the salt in Texas. Apparently, they say, “Pass the Tony’s” the same way we ask for the salt around here.

In addition to her Lego, Malia was mighty pleased to receive her first ever pair of Converse high tops. The red ones were at the top of her list and we gave her a one-time only pass to wear her Converse to church. Her desire for trendy shoes is yet another indication that that she has stepped firmly into the tween world. 

Other gifts included a variety of fun socks all around, a bag to organize and transport all Matthew’s trumpet mutes, a plastic model or three for Kevin, Daniel and Matthew, and a new car for me. The new car actually arrived several months ago, but it is sitting in the garage if I need to be reminded of what I got for Christmas. 😉

The gag gift of choice this year was supersized items. Malia got a 1 lb. Hershey bar, Nathan a gigantic slab of Snickers, Daniel got the oversized Toblerone, Kevin had the mega sized peanut butter cups, and I got a mighty big adjustable measuring scoop that dwarfs the normal sized one I use all the time. All things big were entertaining, but I think Matthew’s oversized wonder was the funniest. He got a ring pop that is half the size of his head. I laughed out loud when I saw it. He can wear the thing as a bracelet!

Christmas joys aside, the past week has been a kind of tough one. Nathan and I are both learning that there is a headache rebound when the Botox wears off. As such, we have both had an increase in headaches. But if nothing else, the upswing in headache severity for Nathan and in frequency and severity for me have shown us that the Botox is actually helping. I was fairly certain that it was helping me, but Nathan wasn’t sure. But with the increased intensity of the headache, he has realized that the Botox has helped level out the pain. So while it has been valuable information for both of us, it has made this week less than stellar. In addition to that, I started a new medication on Friday and woke up yesterday morning with my left hand and arm all swollen up. I spent the morning at the instacare, which was definitely not where I wanted to spend Christmas Eve. Nathan and I were both struggling with headaches last night as well, so we made a token appearance at my folks’ house for dinner and then Kev drove us home while Daniel stayed with Matthew and Malia for all the festivities. Again, it was not the way I wanted to spend Christmas Eve, but sometimes life gives you lemons and you have to have a good long sleep and some headache drugs before you can make lemonade.

Now that I’ve spent some time complaining, which is not what I had intended to do, let me say that we have been truly blessed as well. All of my children were home for Christmas. Earlier this year, we had not anticipated that would be the case, but Nathan’s shortened mission meant everyone was home for cookies and caroling (Although not a single person answered the door when we went caroling this year. It was weird. And really bad timing on our part apparently.) We spent some good quality time together and were able to find joy despite the inconveniences and unpleasant elements the past week has held. We have felt the love and support of our families and friends. And we have been able to think about our Savior and remember just how blessed we are to know him and to have his gospel in our lives.

There have been times over the past few weeks when I have struggled to feel the joy that Christmas usually holds. It’s not that I’m feeling humbuggy or anything, but it can be terribly hard to be cheerful in the middle of a migraine. But in those times, I have been constantly reminded that the Savior is with us on our dark days too. He is with us when we are sad, hurt, discouraged, disappointed. His light is available year-round and not just when we focus so much on lighting the world. So I think it’s ok that this week has been a bit of a rough one because I spend every day, every week, every season trying to bring a little more of the light of Christ into the world. So Merry Christmas. And may we all carry the joy of Christ with us all year round and not just for a few weeks each December. 

Yuletide Delights-Part VI

Gingerbread is one of the quintessential flavors of the season and one that I love. The aroma of the spices and the molasses as they waft through the house just make me happy! Some of the recipes I’ve discovered and love are gingerbread cake, gingerbread waffles, and traditional gingerbread cookies, of course. This morning was gingerbread pancake day. And due to the imminent arrival of Christmas, they were shaped like gingerbread men. Some of them were a bit deformed, but I was winging it so I think I should get points for that. WINKY SMILIE I love gingerbread pancakes with a bit of whipped cream, so we added a few chocolate chips and chunks and that’s all we needed to decorate our pancakes. Malia had no intention of making an Elvis pancake, but a bit of an off-center flip created hair and a fabulous white whipped cream jumpsuit meant her pancake looked like the king of rock and roll himself. And he tasted delicious! 

I may need to make these pancakes one more time before the Christmas season actually passes. I ate my fill, but I’ve still got a hankering for the sweet and spicy flavor of gingerbread.

Yuletide Delights-Part V

 There are five whole days until Christmas which means there’s still plenty of time for more fun food! Today’s endeavors were of the savory variety rather than the sweet. We had a super delicious garlic bread Christmas tree and some tasty Christmas soup. Although to be honest, the only thing that made the soup Christmasy was the fact that it was red and green. Other than that, it was a nice Italian chicken noodle soup. But I chose it to accompany our themed bread based on its color attributes, so I’m sticking with the “Christmas soup” moniker. 😉

Bon appetite!

Yuletide Delights-Part IV

Today’s holiday creation was another old favorite. We used to make candy cane cookies every year, but for some reason we stopped making them a few years back. I’m not sure why, but Malia didn’t even remember these little sweets, so I figured I’d better get my act together and quit neglecting her childhood just because the boys are all getting quite grown up. 😜 

When they were young the boys liked helping make all the Christmas cookies, but the candy cane ones were always the favorites when it came to enthusiasm for the creating. It is probably because they kind of got to do whatever they wanted. I would show them how to form the candy canes, but then their creativity always burst out and we ended up with peppermint striped assorted shapes. I think it is because forming the dough is a lot like handling playdough and since playdough is all about making whatever shapes you want, making these cookies inspires an undeniable urge to create whatever your mind can think up. 

My playdough hypothesis was proven correct today. I showed Malia how to make the candy canes, but she quickly (like on her second cookie) diverged from the standard cane form and made a variety of braids, twirls, twists, and even a bit of tie dye. Not only that, but she actually said that the cookie dough reminded her of playdough! She also very much enjoyed sampling the baked cookies, helping me taste test the broken ones . And joking that if we ate them all now, the boys would never have to know they existed. 😂

I feel like I gained two points for this particular activity-one for reintroducing a family favorite and one for some good one-on-one mother/daughter time.

Yuletide Delights-Part III

Often, I like to create new fun foods, things I’ve never done before that are an experiment and a delight at the same time. But sometimes an old favorite is just the right thing. Because who doesn’t love snowman pancakes?

Yuletide Delights-Part II

A few weeks ago, Malia’s teacher let the parents know they would be doing a cookie exchange in class as part of their twelve days of Christmas activities. Cookies needed to be store bought and commercially packaged due to our district’s food in the classroom policies. The students would each bring one cookie and after their activity each would end up with a different cookie to enjoy. Store bought or bakery cookies are often problematic for food allergy kids and knowing that the odds were not in her favor, I immediately started making plans for Malia to have a special cookie at the end of the activity. While I can’t bake cookies for the other kids, I can bake cookies for Malia, so I made her a delightful Christmas themed cookie and arranged to get it to her teacher the day in advance so it could be a surprise for Malia. Often the food allergy kids are the ones who get left out when food activities occur, but I think Malia got the better end of the bargain today.

And my choice of gingerbread ended up being perfect because Malia told me there was a gingerbread cookie day a few days ago. Her teacher checked ingredients but didn’t spot the cross-contact warnings on the cookies she bought, so Malia had to pull something out of her treat bin rather than enjoying gingerbread with the rest of the class. Malia’s were cuter and I’ll bet hers tasted better too. Malia did have to double check when she got home to make sure it was a reindeer though. She kept trying to make it standard gingerbread man and couldn’t figure out why the face was so weird. 😂

Cookie Dough Though

Nathan is still running a fever and has been asleep for most of the day, but in general, the stress level of this household was dropped. School went much smoother than Malia expected yesterday so she is  feeling calmer. Matthew still isn't sleeping well, but at least he was in bed at 4:00 this morning. I have prepped nearly everything for the activity on Tuesday so if for some reason I can't go, one of the other leaders will be able to step in. With some help from Kev, I've even been able to dial back the germaphobe freak out a bit which is a huge accomplishment for me. Yes, I'm still cleaning like a maniac, but my stomach doesn't feel all tight like it did yesterday.

I didn't actually eat a cookie today, but I did make cookie dough for Christmas cookies and snitched a bit before it went into the freezer, so I think that counts. 😉 

State of the Household

I want to take a minute to address the physical, mental and emotional status of those living in my house. 

Malia came home from school yesterday distraught because she has found herself in the middle of two warring parties. This has been going on for months now, but things kind of blew up yesterday. She is friends with both girls, wants to remain so and doesn’t want to be mean to anyone, so she gets very worried about all the drama and how to navigate her social world. Nathan was having some mild cold symptoms yesterday morning, but when he started running a fever last night, we broke out the Covid tests. Unfortunately, he most definitely has Covid. That raised everyone’s stress levels but having Covid in the house coupled with the need to wear a mask at school due to being exposed to Covid added to the emotional stress was nearly more than Malia could handle. She couldn’t even focus enough to get her homework done, so she went to bed knowing that she would be unprepared today. Matthew’s focus was shot as well, so there was no homework done in our household last night and I was totally ok with that. Sometimes life requires a recess from the normal school rules.

This morning was a hard one all the way around. Malia had a really hard time falling asleep last night so she was extra tired this morning. Not only that, but she really, really didn’t want to go to school because she was so worried about the social drama, so she had a really hard time getting up and moving. It took her nearly an hour to get out of bed, which meant that she was eating breakfast five minutes before she was supposed to walk out the door. Matthew woke up at 3:00 this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. At 4:00 he was still so completely awake that he figured he might as well get up and decided to take advantage of the time to wrap some Christmas presents. Although he didn’t come fully awake, Kev heard rustling in the house at 4:00 which disrupted his sleep a bit. And I never sleep well when I’m anxious about sick kids, so I was pretty tired this morning as well. In fact, I think Nathan was the one who slept the best. With some Aleve in him to dampen the fever and no need to get up early to go to work, he felt pretty good when he got up.

I’m feeling stressed today as well because I really don’t want Matthew and Malia to get sick and miss out on their fun activities for the next several weeks. Malia feels like she always gets sick just in time to miss the big events at school and to be completely fair, she is justified in thinking so. She has in fact missed many days that held fun activities, the latest being her big turkeys vs. farmers debate just before Thanksgiving two weeks ago. And Matthew has concerts and parties and a variety of things coming up as well. 

As for me, I’m a germaphobe who has Covid in the house which means my stress is running high. In addition, I am in charge of our primary activity on Tuesday, and I really don’t want to miss it. Not only is it the last activity of the year and our Christmas activity, but it is Malia’s last primary activity ever. I was in charge of our Christmas activity last December as well and it was cancelled due to a Covid outbreak in the ward. I’m really hoping the rest of the family can stay well so Malia and I can attend this activity.

So the catchword of the day seems to be stress. I’m so stressed that I can’t even stress eat which means my stress level is higher than the normal day to day stress of life. When the world shut down due to Covid and we had two earthquakes that same week, there were cookies. When the kids went back to school with all the Covid protocols in place, there were cookies. When Nathan was preparing to leave on his mission, there were cookies. When Matthew had Covid in July, there were cookies. When Nathan began to really struggle with the headaches while he was in Texas, there were cookies for both of us. When he came home as a result of the headaches, there were cookies. So the fact that the thought of eating a cookie makes my stomach clench up is really saying something about my current stress level.

Honestly, I think Nathan is the least stressed of all of us. He doesn’t feel particularly well, but he really needed a day off work and he’s going to get a few of those which will be good for his mental state. His life is on pause for a tiny bit, but he spent the day finishing his Christmas shopping and playing a Spiderman video game, so he feels like it has been a productive sick day. He is still running a fever, but at least the meds take away the fever headache, if not the underlying one that is still plaguing him.

Hopefully we will all sleep better tonight so that tomorrow doesn’t feel so hard. If I can sleep well and get the “what if’s” in my brain to quiet down, maybe I’ll even want to eat a cookie. That would be an improvement.

Yuletide Delights-Part I

A new month brings a new theme to my fun food and December is one of my favorites! This evening we kicked off the Christmas fun food season with a delightful cherry cream cheese sweet bread. The filling did bubble out quite a bit, but non-dairy substitutes have a tendency to be thinner than their dairy counterparts, so that was not a surprise. Despite the leakage, when I asked my family if I should cut back on the filling next time, the resounding response was no! The sweet filling balanced the barely sweetened bread just right. With a touch of almond flavor added in, it truly was delightful. I suspect this is a recipe that we will revisit in years to come.