Let Him Eat Cake! (And Frosting)

When Matthew was first diagnosed with a plethora of food allergies and I hit the internet to try to gather some tips on how to deal with the new situation in which I found myself, I discovered that there were many food allergy kids who had never had a birthday cake. They had Jell-o every year or Rice Krispy treats stacked up in a tower or whatever else their moms could come up with. And for me, someone whose mom made sure I celebrated each birthday with a cake in whatever flavor and shape I wanted, it seemed like the saddest thing ever. I decided right then that my child would not be so deprived. Milk and egg allergies be d****d, I was going to learn how to make a birthday cake for my kid. (Yes, I almost swore just now. It is a mark of just how vehement my feelings are on this particular topic.) And so, in tandem with learning how to cook nourishing and kid friendly meals without all the offending ingredients, I set to work learning how to bake an allergen free cake.

I remember that Nathan’s birthday was just a couple of months away, and there were many trial runs as I tried a variety of different approaches to the cake conundrum so that Matthew could celebrate with his big brother. Allergen free substitutes like commercial egg replacers were far fewer in number and much harder to find back then, so there really was a whole lot of experimentation. Many people told me it couldn’t be done. In fact, lots of people told me you could make cupcakes but not a bigger cake because the batter was just not stable enough without eggs. Skeptics be d****d, I was determined to make it work. And eventually, I did. It took time and there were some colossal fails along the way, but out of sheer determination and a refusal to accept that my son would not have cake on his second birthday, I managed to find success. Let me say that it is definitely harder without eggs. It’s just the nature of the chemistry of cake. But it can be done. And Matthew had the cake to prove it. 

With that tidbit of backstory, you will understand that as I’ve faced my most recent margarine conundrum, being able to make frosting is high up on my list. Because let’s face it. That Kermit cake would lose a little something without the frosting. So yesterday I made a tiny test cake (egg free using the homemade margarine) and frosting using my normal recipe (also with the homemade margarine) to see if it would work. And the end result was ok. Not fabulous, but definitely passable. And with some time to get used to the differences, I think it will work just fine.

The texture was a bit weird, which was initially rather off-putting. Rather than being fluffy or creamy, the frosting was sticky. That stickiness made it hard to smooth out, but when I ran my offset spatula in hot water and then dried it, that little bit of residual heat smoothed the frosting out beautifully. I didn’t take a lot of time to make it pretty, but that lower melting point of the coconut oil did make the frosting respond well to a bit of heat. Due to that lower melting point, I was concerned that the frosting would not be stiff enough to create a dam for filling, but that was not an issue. The frosting provided plenty of structure. I was also concerned that the stickiness would be unpleasant on the tongue, but surprisingly, it was not. Yes, it was definitely a bit different, but the flavor was fine and the difference in texture was negligible when paired with the cake. The frosting did develop an oily sheen on the surface when left on the counter in a container overnight, so storing in the fridge and letting the cake come to room temperature before serving would probably be the way to go. I didn’t try piping the frosting, but based on my experience creating the filling dam, I suspect it will work just fine. Unlike my usual buttercream, it was spreadable right out of the fridge today, although it would likely need a few minutes at room temperature to make it soft enough to frost a cake.

Overall, I’m calling this a success. While the texture is slightly different, so is the texture of an egg-free cake. And it’s not a deal breaker. As with the cake, I suspect that some time spent working with this rendition of frosting will help me figure out all its little idiosyncrasies and learn how to make it work for me. And realistically, I will likely search out a few different recipes and extend the experimentation. Because anyone who knows me well knows that’s what I do any time I’m not 100% pleased with the end results of a food endeavor. The whole try, try again mantra is pretty well ingrained in my psyche.

So, with cookies, cake, frosting, yeast bread, and pie crust successfully tested, I feel like this homemade margarine really might be a workable option. It also melts nicely on the griddle when making pancakes and such. It has its caveats, of course, like the fact that it doesn’t last as long in the fridge due to the lack of staggering amounts of preservatives, but I can work with that. I just store it in the freezer until I’m ready to use it. Making the margarine is a bit finicky and definitely more work than just driving to the store, but we do what we have to do, right? I’m figuring out all the best tips and tricks and what not to do’s to get the most consistent results possible. And over time, like all our other allergy adjustments, it will become a normal routine. Not that I won’t continue to keep looking for an option that we can buy, but at least we have a solution to the butter dilemma.

RIP Nucoa. You will be missed.

Withdrawals

Matthew was in Bentonville for six months. Geographically, his area was very small, which meant that the grocery stores he had access to were limited in number. Pretty much, it was Walmart or nothing. With his recent transfer being slightly delayed due to his mission president being in Salt Lake last week to be set apart as a general authority seventy, he has been in Webb City for five days. Today is his very first p-day while he is in Missouri. At 7:23 this morning he sent me a message asking if there is somewhere in Webb City or Joplin where he can get Tofutti Better Than Sour Cream. This is one of the allergen free food substitutes that we use a lot. In particular, we use the fake sour cream to make stroganoff. And stroganoff is one of Matthew’s all-time favorites. He hasn’t had stroganoff since Fort Smith since he couldn’t get the Tofutti in his area in Bentonville. Hence the query for a store that carries it. I got on the Tofutti website and discovered that there is a Natural Grocer in Joplin. That is a boon for Matthew because they carry a lot of the specialty foods we use. 

It is now 9:01 and Matthew just sent me a picture taken inside the Natural Grocer, showcasing another of his all-time favorites: free2b sunbutter cups. I suspect stroganoff is on the menu this evening. And I suspect the Joplin Natural Grocer will have a fairly regular customer for at least the next six weeks. 😉

Non-Milk Maid

It has been a while since I’ve needed to write about the whole allergen-free food availability issue, but it’s time for another chapter in the ongoing drama. Over the past few years, pea protein has become an increasingly more common ingredient in foods, especially dairy free foods. It seems like there are a plethora of plant-based foods hitting the market, but Since Matthew is allergic to peas, and the vast majority of them are using pea protein, the influx has not been beneficial for us. In fact, the popularity of using peas instead of soy has resulted in the loss of more foods for us. Not only has it has been incredibly discouraging, but since pea is not in the top 9 allergens in the country, food manufacturers don’t always have the cross-contact information we need readily available. Add to that the fact that labeling for cross contact isn’t mandated in any way and is completely voluntary, and choosing safe food options can get very hard and incredibly frustrating.

With that bit of background info, let me delve into our current dilemma. Of all the foods that we have struggled to find over the years, a completely dairy free margarine has topped the list. What most people don’t realize, and what I didn’t know until Matthew came along, is that almost all margarines still contain some real milk. Over the years, there have only been a couple that we have been able to use. Our go-to brand has always been Nucoa because unlike the brands specifically marketed as allergen free, it was a very cost-efficient option. And that was especially important when we were in our early American poverty days. The allergen free foods we need are always more expensive, so being able to buy margarine for $1.79 a box rather than $5 a box really helped me stretch our grocery budget as far as it would go. We also liked the performance of Nucoa better than Earth Balance, which has always been the backup butter option as it was the only other safe one around. But finding Nucoa has not always been easy. I used to be able to find it at multiple stores, but over time, it became harder and harder to find. It disappeared from Walmart, but then showed up at Smith’s, so everything was fine. Then it disappeared from Smith’s but showed up at Harmon’s, so again, we were fine. And then it disappeared from Harmon’s and it took me a good stretch of time to find it again, which I eventually did when Winco grocery stores started being built in our area. And for the past 8 or so years, Winco has been the only place we can buy Nucoa. 

Last month, with the stock of Nucoa in my freezer dwindling, I sent Kevin to Winco to get some more. Unfortunately, he came home empty-handed. When he couldn’t find the Nucoa, he asked an employee and was told that they no longer stock it. And then the search began anew. Kevin checked at two more Winco locations before coming home with no luck. Another trip to Winco a week later resulted in a conversation with a manager who checked stock in the warehouse and said it wasn’t there anymore either. And while Kev was covering the Winco angle, I was madly searching and researching trying to find another option. Knowing that things change and foods come and go, I’m always looking for more options which is why I already knew that Earth Balance, our back up plan of many years, added pea protein to their recipe last year. I also knew that Country Crock’s new plant butter also has pea protein and Miyoko, which has been wildly popular of late, is made with cashews. Violife, another up and comer in the plant-based food arena, has cross contact with lentils. I did find several that looked like they might work, but because we have allergies that are not included in the FDA’s “top 9,” we always have to do some research in order to ensure the safety of items that are commonly at risk for cross contact with Matthew’s allergens. So, I got busy working on that, hoping that we could find at least one viable option.

With retail options quickly dwindling, I went to the internet and happened to come across an organic, plant-based butter that appeared to be safe for Matthew but is only sold in a very small area of New York as it is produced by a small café. However, I took a look at their ingredients and realized that except for soy lecithin, every single ingredient was something I already have in my kitchen. And that sparked an idea. Instead of searching for “plant butter,” I began a search for “plant butter recipes.” And there were so, so many options to choose from. Far more than I expected, honestly. It seems that there are others who struggle to find a “butter” that works for their dietary needs and many have turned to making their own. So, I perused a number of recipes, found half a dozen that specifically say they have used their concoction for baking, and began to seriously consider giving it a shot.

A week later Kev called Conagra and discovered that they discontinued Nucoa about 6 months ago. It was a blow, I’ll tell you that. It is the brand we have used for the past 19 years and knowing that it is gone for good was extremely discouraging. Several of our potentially safe ones were removed from our list upon receiving responses to our inquiries, and two of them we can’t get any info about, so I figured I had better get serious and figure out how to make my own plant butter. The good part of that is the only ingredient I needed that I don’t already have in my kitchen is a lecithin of some kind. Lecithin is an emulsifier which means that it helps things stay blended. Oil and water are natural enemies, so one of the challenges of homemade plant butter is the fact that it has a tendency to separate. It is optional in many recipes, with the caveat that the end result could separate if melted. Which can create problems since the main reason we need the plant butter is for cooking and baking. And thus, the search for a safe lecithin began. And like all safe food related searches, it was challenging. After several weeks of searching, contacting companies to inquire about cross contact issues, and marking brand after brand off my list of possible options, I finally found a sunflower lecithin that did not have cross contact with any of our allergens. Another five or six days for it to arrive, and I was ready to give plant butter a go.

Some of the recipes I selected included pretty complicated mixing procedures. And that was pretty unappealing. If I need to spend an hour making plant butter that works for us, so be it. But if I can find success in less time, that would be preferable. The ingredients for all the recipes are really similar although ratios change, so as I was deciding which recipe to use first, the ease of preparation became the factor that determined rank. The first recipe up called for adding a bit of acid to soy milk and allowing a few minutes for the milk to curdle. After that, everything gets blitzed up all at once in a blender or with an immersion blender. Super quick. Super easy. And so yesterday afternoon, with a few minutes to spare, I decided it was time to give it a go.

My first batch was made exactly as directed in the recipe. I gave my soy milk five minutes to curdle, measuring everything else out while I waited, whipped out my immersion blender, and literally one minute later, I had plant butter. It was oddly satisfying and so weird to watch a container of liquids immediately thicken and become opaque. It truly is kitchen chemistry! Malia was also mesmerized by how quickly and completely my mixture changed. I poured it into some silicone butter molds and tucked it into the freezer per the instructions and then grabbed a sliver of bread to use as a vehicle for taste testing purposes. And guess what? The concoction did not taste like any of the ingredients. It was a little salty, a lot creamy, and tasted pretty good. I fed Malia a sliver and she agreed. It was actually quite surprising and pretty darn exciting!

With the success of the first batch, I set to work on a second batch with one small change. I added a bit of butter extract to see if I could add a bit of traditional flavor. (Oddly enough, dairy free butter extract is another one of those things that is unexpectedly difficult to find. Most of them still have milk in them. But here’s my question: if you are going to use a butter extract with butter in it, why wouldn’t you just use actual butter?!) Again, it came together and the second time was no less fascinating to watch. Kevin had come up by then, and he also commented on how weird the whole thing was. 😂 I poured batch #2 into molds and once again, Malia and I did a taste test, after which Malia spread the bit that wouldn’t fit in the molds on a slice of bread and ate it. It definitely passed the taste test. That bit of buttery flavor took it from ok to actually being a pretty darn tasty butter substitute. 

After a short stint in the freezer, both batches were moved to the fridge and allowed to chill overnight. This morning, the plant butter was softer than I expected it would be and it crumbled a bit on the ends of the sticks when I took it out of the butter molds. But it was still smooth and creamy, not gritty at all and still tasted really nice on a slice of bread. I’m not sure why it crumbled like it did, but if it proves to be a viable option for more than just spreading on toast, I’ll see if I can figure out how to fix that. But I’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Next up-the real test. Baking with it. 

The Definition of a Vain Attempt

Today during class, Malia’s seminary teacher tried to bribe her with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. 😳 When she said she didn’t want to die, he looked all confused and offered to get her something gluten free. 

Clearly, he did not read her “about me” page that he had the kids complete on Friday. Four days ago. Or clue in when she turned down the doughnuts he brought to class on Thursday. 🙄 Malia has not been impressed with this particular teacher for a variety of reasons, but I’m pretty sure this event tolls the death knoll of her hope that things will improve.

Crafting a Confection

One of the things Malia cannot eat is fancy chocolates. Ingredient wise there isn’t always anything that makes them dangerous for her, it’s the cross contact. There are certain things that always have cross contact with peanuts and fancy chocolates are one of those things.

Now this is going to seem like a squirrel moment but stick with me. It all works.

Years and years ago, I used to make caramels every year at Christmas. I love caramels and the homemade ones were far, far better than those square cubes of Kraft caramels that I ate as a kid. But after Matthew was diagnosed with his plethora of allergies, I stopped making the caramels. It just seemed too mean to make such a tasty treat and tell my little guy that he couldn’t have any. And all those years ago, I was not as experienced where cooking without all his allergens was concerned, so I didn’t know how to make a version that worked for him.

With Matthew away from home right now, I have been taking advantage of being able to cook with a bit more freedom. We have discovered that there are some things that we simply prefer in the Matthew friendly versions, but other things have been a delight. And for the first time in many years, those annual Christmas caramels came to mind. And I knew I would be making some. But the cool thing is that with eighteen years’ worth of experience cooking for Matthew, I made some delightful coconut milk caramels last month and sent them off to Arkansas last week. Matthew said they were delightful. Anyway, back to the normal dairy version.

A few weeks ago, Malia happened to spot a box of chocolate-covered caramels that didn’t have anything on the label that would seem detrimental to her health. Now let me educate you just a bit. There is a law in place about labeling for food allergens that are actually in foods, but there is no law regarding labeling for cross contact. Many brands include a “may contain…” or a “manufactured on the same line…” statement on their packages, but they are not required to do so. As such, when I find a product that doesn’t contain any kind of statement, I always treat it as a possibly dangerous item. Especially when it falls into a category that is generally unsafe. Like fancy chocolates. So, we bought the chocolates, with the caveat that I would contact the company and if they were unsafe, we could send them home with the older kids. I did contact the company and unsurprisingly, the caramels had cross contact with just about everything. So, Daniel, Tawni, and Nathan got some fancy chocolates, and I promised Malia that when I made caramels, I would dip some in chocolate so she could experience the wonder.

This week was caramel week and today was dipping day. For years I’ve just used normal spoons and forks for dipping chocolates, but I recently picked up a cheap set of chocolate dipping tools, and they made the whole dipping process much faster and easier. And some simple chocolate drizzling spoons gave me the opportunity to dress the chocolates up just a bit. They turned out pretty, which makes me ridiculously happy. Because tasting good is fantastic, but looking delightful and tasting good is even better! Malia sampled some as soon as she walked in the door after school, and they have earned her stamp of approval. Even the early ones that aren’t as pretty as the others. 😂 As for me, I’m enjoying the undipped caramels. And with a good Matthew friendly version in my cookbook, they just might be back on our yearly Christmas menu.

Ummm…May I Be Excused?

When we talked to Matthew earlier this week, he told us that his entire district went out to dinner as their last big hurrah before transfers happened. There is either a ward member or a friend of some of the missionaries (I can’t remember exactly what the relationship is) who is the manager at a local restaurant, so they opted to go to that eatery. Which is why Matthew went into Texas Roadhouse. Texas. Road. House. Where the peanuts live. Which every allergist we have ever seen has specifically mentioned by name as a place to avoid. But Matthew has only been in Arkansas for six weeks, and the other missionaries honestly didn’t even think about it. And because he is a missionary, it’s not like he could stay home while his companion went to dinner. So, he grabbed a mask, a smart choice to keep any allergens out of his lungs and ventured into the forbidden zone. 

Obviously, he came out alive. He was smart and in addition to the mask, he didn’t try to eat there. He shared some pictures today, and it is very clear that he is in full on allergy defense mode with his bag tucked up on his lap and his hands and arms tucked in tight, trying not to touch anything more than absolutely necessary.

We all knew that Matthew would have lots of new experiences over the course of his mission, but this one was not anticipated. And honestly, it’s probably better that I didn’t know about it until after it had happened. 😂

Go!

Today was Matthew’s flight to Arkansas. Ever since we received the first communications directly from the mission, we have known that the first 48 hours were going to be interesting food wise. The incoming missionaries are fed at the mission home and don’t even have access to all their luggage until they head out to their assigned areas. That means that for two full days plus his travel day, all the food Matthew would have would be what he could carry with him through security at the airport and any meager allergy friendly options he could find in the convenience stores in the airport. So as with all things, we made a plan to keep him fed. We live close enough to the MTC that we can take advantage of the same day MTC delivery services that are offered by several Provo businesses. So early this week, I packed up a box of a dozen muffins (one of Matthew’s favorite travel foods), some rolls, and several bags of cookies and dropped it off for delivery. Matthew doesn’t eat a ton when he is stressed, and knowing that he would be rather anxious, he figured that would be enough to get him through the day. I also planned to have a box of shelf stable foods waiting for him in Arkansas.

Last week, I got a phone call from one of the senior sisters who is serving in the mission office in Bentonville. Sis. B called and basically said, “How in the world do we feed your missionary?” That’s not an easy question to answer, so there have been multiple conversations, I’ve spent quite a bit of time online shopping the Walmart in Bentonville, and I suggested some fast and easy prepared food meals that are pretty much Matthew’s comfort food. She has obviously read all the info that we have sent to the mission, because she also asked about what kinds of pans he needs, whether or not he will need separate dishes in his apartment, etc. She has been working with the couple who deals with housing to make sure they have everything ready for him when he gets there.

Several days ago, I got another call from a different sister who is the secretary in the mission office. She puts together little “snack packs” for the missionaries to take with them when they leave the mission home to drive to their areas. She said that it can be a long drive, and missionaries often don’t eat that well, so she tries to put together some healthier snacks for them to have as they travel. I went back to the internet and gave her some options there as well. When I told her that Matthew can have Club crackers and Welch’s fruit snacks, she excitedly proclaimed, “I have those!” I gave her several other ideas to flesh out his snack pack, so hopefully that will be helpful for him as well.

I also got a text message from Sis. B on Monday. Matthew’s boxes of food had arrived, and she wanted to make sure that they didn’t need to be opened right away to get anything into the fridge. I assured her that everything was shelf stable and that Box #1 was to help get him fed for those first two days in the mission and Box #2 was to take with him when he headed out to his area so that he wouldn’t starve while he is figuring out what brands of foods he can get that are safe for him. She also asked me to send her details about things like what brands of bread are safe for him, so as I researched, I sent some info her way.

Sis. B called once more this morning, to ask about some fresh produce. Obviously, they try to feed their missionaries healthy meals and the fast prepared foods I suggested were lacking in that department. So, I shared some info about what kinds of fruit he likes, Malia chimed in with the addition of rice and BBQ chips (we were in the car when she called), she asked what was in the boxes I’d sent so she had an idea of what he had access to, and I think she felt better about being able to offer him a well-rounded meal. One of the really helpful things about this particular sister is that her daughter has Celiac which means that she knows all about the dangers of cross contact. Over the years, I have learned that cross contact is one of the hardest things for people to wrap their brains around. The idea that trace amounts of food so small that can’t be seen can pose a real risk can be baffling to many who have never needed to deal with these types of things, so honestly, knowing that someone who really gets the reality of the need for excessive care taken in food preparation has been good for my food allergy mama brain. 

Once Matthew arrived at the mission home and ate, he had a few minutes to message us. Wednesday is P-day in the mission, so while he didn’t have time for an actual call, he did send us some info. Obviously, he had arrived safely. He had been fed chicken strips, rice, BBQ chips, and green grapes. He was recovering from food poisoning part 2 and while he still didn’t feel great, he was grateful for some (almost) real food. He asked about some of the items in his boxes and will be relieved when he has full control of his food again.

Once Matthew gets to his own apartment the food part will be easier…hopefully. A lot of that will depend on the cooperation of his companion. But he’s ready to clean like crazy and educate his companions and hopefully things will go well. I know he has worries about many things and being ill twice in the past ten days has not helped. But we have taught him everything he needs to know in terms of feeding himself safely and he has placed his trust in the Lord. Hopefully with a bit of time to figure everything out, Matthew’s food needs will take a back seat in his brain so that he can really focus on the work he is meant to do in Arkansas.

And so, his missionary service truly begins. And I suspect he has a lot to learn about being a missionary, getting along with companions, and navigating the great unknown that is Arkansas and Missouri.

Even the Best Laid Plans…

For those of you who have read Matthew’s email from today, you will know that his dinner last night consisted of carrots. And carrots. Of course, there is a bit more to that story. And it led to a bit of drama for our family today.

At about 11:30 this morning, as I was putting away groceries, I simultaneously received a concerned text from Daniel and a worried phone call from Nathan. With both of them reaching out at the exact same time, I suspected something was not right. And that was an appropriate assumption. Matthew had sent them a somewhat panicky message about having only carrots as his meal accompanied by a note that he could eat other items off the main line. That, of course, is not a safe way for Matthew to eat and so messages were sent to me. And unfortunately, Facebook Messenger is not the most reliable messaging platform ever, which means that I didn’t get any of them. My lack of response led to Matthew reaching out to his brothers who then immediately notified me. Once I sent a message to Matthew I started getting messages from him, so that helped simplify communications just a bit. And then I got on the phone to try to get someone from the MTC to help work the problem. 

It took me several months earlier this year to get a response from the guy who is the head of specialty meals at the MTC. And once I actually talked to him, he told me to email him again 2-3 weeks before Matthew entered the MTC. I did so and never got a response. Which was not all that assuring. As part of his preparations to enter the MTC, Matthew was given contact info for the MTC dietician and emailed her several weeks ago as well. She responded with some additional questions and after receiving answers to those questions let Matthew know they would have specialty meals for me. So, despite the lack of a response to me from one employee, confirmation from another told us that things were covered. But as evidenced by yesterday’s veggie only plate, there was a breakdown in communication somewhere along the line.

I started by trying to call the person I had spoken to back in April and there was no answer and not even an option to leave a message. So, I called the main MTC information desk and explained our predicament and asked for some help finding someone to talk to right away. The sister I spoke to tried to contact all the people who would normally be contacted, even reaching out to them via their cell phone numbers. But today is Pioneer Day, a Utah state holiday, and many people had the day off. When my helper couldn’t get in contact with anyone, she contacted her manager to see what to do next. She was told to reach out to the head of health and wellness for the entire MTC and see what he could do. I was told that he is generally very good about returning calls and that if the folks at the help desk didn’t hear from him within about half an hour, they would call me back.

While I was waiting, I reached out to a ward member who is well known to all my kids. She sent Kevin and I a message yesterday expressing thoughts that Matthew’s MTC arrival had gone smoothly. And as an afterthought, she mentioned that she had just barely found out that a good friend of hers worked in the specialty meals department at the MTC and that Matthew would be in good hands. Armed with that info, I reached out to her and asked for some help while I waited for a return call from the MTC. Within about thirty seconds she had responded with a resounding “Yes!” And only a few minutes later I received a phone call from her friend. I explained the situation and she got to work trying to find out who was working today. She told me to have Matthew head to the specialty meals room and wait for someone to come talk to him and to express clearly his food needs. I conveyed that info and as it was P-day and his schedule allowed him to go right away, Matthew headed to the cafeteria. 

Within the hour, I received a phone call from the brother who is the head of health and wellness for the MTC. After learning about the situation, he told me that he would work it out, offering to personally head down to the MTC if needed. He called again after a bit to tell me that he had talked to the MTC dietician, who was at work today, and that she and Matthew had spoken and had arranged a plan. He assured me that Matthew had eaten chicken, rice, and carrots for lunch, and that if I had any other concerns I could reach out to him. He expressed the hope that Matthew and the dietician would be able to continue to communicate well. He was very kind and perfectly willing to help us get Matthew fed and I’m very grateful. 

As for Matthew, I’m hoping that this will be a learning experience for him. Yes, there was some miscommunication that happened. And yes, it left him in a very tricky situation foodwise. But he doesn’t like to draw attention to his allergies and will often choose simply not to eat rather than make any fuss about his needs. But now that he is out in the world on his own, he can’t just wait until he gets home and then eat. At least, not for the next two and a half weeks. He had been in the MTC less than 24 hours at the time all of this became known to us, and he had no idea who to talk to or what the procedure would be if there were issues with his meals, so having me available to help work out the issue was good. But in future, he won’t always be able to contact us at the exact time. Now, in his defense, he did try to get some details on procedures and such before he went to the MTC, as did I. But he didn’t get those questions answered. And despite that, he walked into the MTC with a lot of faith yesterday afternoon.

Before Matthew ever left, we all knew that foodwise, the MTC and his first 48 hours in Arkansas would be the trickiest. So hopefully things will go more smoothly from here on out. I do plan to have a package of food waiting for him at the mission office in Arkansas when he arrives there in several weeks to try to help cover that gap between leaving the MTC, being able to get to a grocery store, and finding local brands of foods that are safe for him. Because honestly, finding the right foods can sometimes feel like a full-time job. Even simple and common foods like pasta and tuna are very difficult to find in Matthew friendly versions. But like I said before, I’ve taught him everything he needs to know. I’ve given him some tools to help ease the search for food as living within missionary rules can make taking the time necessary for him to shop somewhat tricky, and he knows that it is going to take a lot of effort to make things run smoothly. But he’s determined to make it work. He has a great desire to be serving as a missionary and I know that as he gives it his very best effort and continues to keep moving forward with faith, he will be blessed.

As for us, all our collective blood pressures have returned to normal as a crisis has been averted. And according to Tawni, it is a good day because the brother didn’t die, and she got a job! Huzzah!

Moving Forward with Faith

Matthew has a plan for the next several years. The plan starts with serving a mission as soon as possible after he graduates in June. Months ago, he had figured out to the exact day when he could open his mission papers and when he could submit them based on his date of availability, which is about five seconds after he graduates. The papers were opened in November and completed and submitted on January 7. It took the stake president about another week to review them and send them on their way, and then the waiting began.

Because of Matthew’s severe food allergies, we honestly do not know what a mission will look like for him. We have heard stories about missionaries with food allergies who have really struggled with eating safely in the mission field. And most of those have been missionaries with only one or two allergies. In fact, there is a young missionary from our ward (well, our previous ward before it was discontinued) who came home in part because of unsafe eating situations in his apartment, lack of understanding from companions, and the completely understandable unwillingness of ward members to feed the missionaries out of fear about not being able to do so safely. 

Matthew has half a dozen severe allergies to some extremely common foods, so we really have had no idea how a mission would look for him. In the past few years, both service mission and proselyting mission applications have been exactly the same and the service missionaries have become a part of the full-time missions. The opportunities available for service missionaries seem to have expanded and the church has really been trying to educate members about those opportunities and teach all of us that service missions are not lesser missions, they are just different and allow those who would not be able to serve as full time proselyting missionaries to serve in ways that fit their needs. Service missionaries live at home, and with all his food needs, we have realistically thought that might be where Matthew ends up serving.

Matthew has been a pillar of faith about the whole thing. He honestly feels like he will be called to serve wherever and however the Lord needs him and he is completely fine with whatever the Lord has planned. Having said that, he will admit that he would love to be able to go somewhere besides home to serve. But he has placed his life in the Lord’s hands. And he has been an amazing example to me of what faith looks like. Because let’s be honest. I’m totally stressed about the eating situations Matthew might encounter out in the mission field. It’s not that I don’t trust him, it’s that I don’t trust everyone else to understand and choose to be cooperative and supportive about the changes that would need to be made to normal kitchen activities, cleaning routines, and daily schedules in order for Matthew to eat and live safely. Of course, it’s likely that all I’ve heard are the times when things go wrong rather than all the times when they go right. Because let’s face it, the bad stories are the ones that get circulated. But like I said, Matthew has shown an enormous amount of faith and is going to happily serve in whatever capacity he is called to.

Although mission calls usually arrive on Tuesdays, at about 4:30 yesterday Matthew flew up the stairs and told me he was headed to the temple. I was confused because the temple is closed on Monday, but then Matthew explained that his mission call had arrived, and he was headed off to open it. He told us some time back that when his call came, he wanted to be alone on the temple grounds to open it. He needed the opportunity to get the personal revelation necessary for him to know that it was the right call for him. It’s not that he doesn’t trust the Prophet and the Lord, it’s just a desire to get that confirmation for himself. So as soon as he got the email, he headed out the door.

He came back an hour and a half later completely calm. He told Kevin and I the details of his call and shared with us the fact that he knows it is the right call for him. Then he scheduled a Facetime call with Daniel and Nathan for later last night. He shared his news with all his siblings during that call. After school today he headed up to visit both sets of Grandparents to tell them in person. And this evening, masses of friends and neighbors gathered for the big reveal. As our house was filled with people, I was struck by just how big Matthew’s support system is. He has made an impact on the lives of a surprisingly large number of people. He is in band, choir, and stage tech so his friend groups are large and varied. He was only two years old when we moved into our house, so there are neighbors and friends from the wards that have known him nearly all his life. And as I looked around, my heart was filled to overflowing with gratitude for all these people who love and support and encourage him. And it wasn’t even any of our family since he took the time to tell them separate from the large group gathering.

So now that I’ve pontificated greatly, y’all are probably urging me to actually get to the point and answer the big question. And the answer is…Arkansas Bentonville Mission speaking English. Matthew has been called to serve a full-time proselyting mission. And he is thrilled beyond all belief. His start date is July 14, so he will have five weeks after graduation to finish preparing. 

We have only known about this call since last night, but I find that my prayers have already changed. Instead of praying that Matthew will be able to serve safely, I find myself praying for the miracles we need to be able to facilitate his missionary service. And I am praying that we will be able to do our part and find the right paths that will lead us to those miracles. Because the Lord has called Matthew to serve, and He will provide a way. We just need to find it. Basically, I just need to get out of the way and let the Lord work His miracles. And open my eyes to them because they will be there. Yes, I still have concerns, but the food allergy mama in my head is surprisingly calm this evening. I guess Matthew’s faith is rubbing off on me.

The Weirdest Manicure I’ve Ever Gotten

Malia is our animal lover. When we plan trips, she is usually the one who wants to go to zoos, aquariums, and other animal focused attractions. It’s not that the rest of us don’t enjoy those things because we do, but they are generally her first-choice options while the boys often opt for airplane and space themed stops and I have a tendency to love historical houses and the like. And when we travel, she is usually the one who takes pictures of wildlife. As such, we knew that to get her excited enough about this trip to make missing school ok, there would need to be some wildlife. And no, Mickey Mouse does not count. 😉 So, with Malia in mind, and because both Kev and I have been in the past and think it’s great fun, today’s adventure was SeaWorld. 

When we first entered the park, we were met by shallow “petting” pools containing large numbers of small fish. We were able to stick our hands in the water and not necessarily pet the inhabitants, but the fish would swarm around our hands and nibble on them, removing dead skin and dirt and such. It was a weird feeling. Seriously weird. But it was also kind of cool! It felt like a ton of tiny little suction cups tickling our skin.

After some serious hand washing, we wandered the park and arrived at the giant octopus exhibit just in time to hear the keeper presentation. We learned some very interesting facts about octopi, things like the fact that they have nine brains-one for each tentacle and one for everything else. That explains perfectly why each tentacle can work so independently. They can also regrow tentacles if they are lost in an injury or something and can actually choose to let a tentacle detach, if necessary, like a gecko does with its tail. Octopus are also great problem solvers, and the keeper actually has to work hard to stump this particular octopus when it comes to her enrichment activities. The octopus was sleeping while the keeper was talking to us, but when she was done, she woke him up so we could see him in action. I’ve seen octopi in aquariums before, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen one this big. He was more than 6 feet from tentacle to tentacle. Lots of people just walked past during the keeper presentation, but I’m really glad we heard the whole thing. Octopi are fascinating!

The big draw for today were the dolphin and orca shows. Let’s face it. Those shows are what set SeaWorld apart from all the other aquariums. We have been to a number of aquariums and while they each have something unique to offer, the shows and “splash zones” that you experience at SeaWorld are pretty spectacular. Malia was completely enthralled, and I have to say that even though I had seen the shows in the past and knew what to expect, it was still so fun! I won’t try to describe them, just know that if you have never been to SeaWorld, the shows are worth the ticket price!

While we were experiencing SeaWorld, Matthew was at Huntington Beach. He and his band cronies had a great time digging a giant hole in the sand and basically just being kids at one of nature’s great playgrounds. One of these days we are going to get our kids to a beach when they can actually don their swimming gear and take a dip in the ocean. But for now, shorts and sand were the ticket for today. 

Whenever we are planning a trip, one of the things I always do is search for allergy friendly restaurants in the area we will be visiting. Often, bigger cities have options our own little town doesn’t, so I always check to see if we can create a neat experience for my food allergy kids. Disneyland had some of that for both of my younger kiddos, but honestly, it is a rare thing for Matthew. Malia has a number of popular chain restaurants that we can visit from coast to coast and while she isn’t usually brave enough to try, there are generally other sit-down restaurants that can accommodate nut allergies. But finding safe food that we don’t prepare ourselves is a rarity for Matthew. 

As we were planning this excursion, I did my normal internet search for possible options for safe food for my kids and discovered an allergy friendly bakery about fifteen minutes from our hotel. As all really good allergen free establishments do, they have all the ingredients for each item listed right on their website. And as I looked, I realized that I wasn’t seeing anything that Matthew can’t have. I started to get a little bit excited and as I looked further, learned that the bakery had been started by a mom whose son has allergies very similar to Matthew’s. That made me even a little bit more excited because someone caring for an allergic individual is honestly going to know exactly what precautions to take to keep their loved one safe. I tried not to get my hopes up too high though, because Matthew is allergic to chickpeas and peas which are common ingredients in egg free and dairy free foods. Because they are not on the top allergens list, they are usually not included in the “we avoid these ingredients” lists. I didn’t see them on any ingredient lists, but cross contact is an issue for us, so I sent an email requesting additional information. I had my fingers crossed, but honestly didn’t hold much hope. 

When I received a response to my email the following day, I cheered and did a happy dance, literally, and shed a few tears because for the first time ever, I had found a bakery where Matthew could safely eat every single thing they make. I don’t ever tell my kids about any near misses as I don’t want to get their hopes up and then dash them, so when I went public with the knowledge that I had found a little miracle in the form of a small bakery in Southern California called “Sensitive Sweets,” there was a good dose of skepticism immediately followed by wonder and then gleeful enthusiasm. In the weeks that followed, there was a good amount of time spent perusing their menu, deciding what to try.

Just before we left for Cali, we submitted an online order for bakery pickup this afternoon. Since we knew we would be in San Diego and the bakery is in Fountain Valley, we selected the latest pickup time available which was 5:00 p.m. They also close at 5, so our plan was to arrive before closing to make sure we could pick up our order. It took us just over an hour to get down to SeaWorld in the morning, so we allowed ourselves double the time to get back in the afternoon knowing traffic in southern Cali can be a beast and thinking that would give us an appropriate time buffer zone. We hit the expected headed north and despite our well-laid plans, we were down to the wire. The Google maps estimated time of arrival kept getting later and later and as we crawled ever more slowly towards the bakery, I was starting to think we might not make it. But we lucked out and arrived in the Sensitive Sweets parking lot at 4:53 p.m. 

Baked goods in hand, we divided everything into separate boxes and dropped off a deliciously sweet package at Matthew’s hotel after which we ate dinner and then sampled some goodies ourselves. The miniature apple pies had a totally weird crust which was more like an unsweetened crumb crust with nothing wet to hold it together, but the filling was tasty, so we ate that part. The cinnamon crumble bread was good but the blueberry citrus one felt like it needed a bit more baking time. The cookie dough truffles, however, were a winner and would be super simple to recreate at home. Our overall assessment was that some things were tasty, although not quite as good as homemade. But as far as being able to buy bakery goods away from home, it was a success! Once Matthew arrived back at his hotel, he shared with us his inaugural taste tests. He was a huge fan of the truffles as well!

Other than the longer than anticipated afternoon commute, today was a success. And honestly, we have lucked out traffic wise thus far, as we always seem to be headed in the opposite direction from the bulk of the other travelers. So, I guess a bit of gridlock just allowed us to experience yet another quintessential aspect of life in California. 😂

The Magic is Real

Let’s talk about Disneyland for a minute. One of the big marketing campaigns has always been about Disney “magic.” For little kids, the magic is having their favorite fantasy characters come to life just like they wish they would. They get to walk in those magical movie moments for a day or two. For those of us who are older, the magic comes in being able to revisit the wonder of our childhood for just a little while, in being able to walk back into the simple, imaginative days of our early lives and remember just how charmed and worry free they were. I think that is why Disneyland has such universal appeal. It is all about the magical and amazing things that accompany the very young before they are bogged down by real life. Because let’s face it. Adulting is hard. And sometimes we all need a chance to set aside all our grown-up problems for a day. Of course, we have to go in knowing that our inner adult is going to have a conniption if it thinks too hard on the price tag that accompanies our day of time travel, but if we can get those older, responsible voices to take a day off, we can have a jolly time!

Now let’s move on to some details about our day at Disney.

Dole whip. That was the highlight of my day. That might seem a bit lackluster since we spent the day at Disneyland but let me explain. Dole whip is totally Matthew friendly. And since it is the only thing they serve at the Tiki Hut in Disneyland, the risk of cross contact is nil. All that means that we met up with Matthew after lunch today and we ate Dole whip together. Again, that might not seem like a big deal. But let me assure you that for Matthew, it is huge. A big freaking deal. And he thoroughly enjoyed it, as did I. And the enjoyment was for more than just the fact that it is a delightful frozen dessert that we can’t get at home. The enjoyment was for the tiny bit of normalcy he found in enjoying a special treat with his family while we were abroad in the world.

My second favorite part of the day was the fact that Malia got to have a nice conversation with Rapunzel and Flynn Rider Eugene and the fact that all three of her brothers were insanely jealous that she got to do so. 😂 It was highly entertaining to see her converse with the stars of her favorite ever princess movie and unconsciously use angry Italian hands during the conversation. (As an FYI, when she was in her watching “Tangled” everyday stage, she would always correct me when I referred to Flynn. She would look at me like I was one card short of a deck and say, “It’s Eugene!” Made me laugh then. Still makes me chuckle.)

Other highlights of the day included Matthew walking into his childhood when he visited Cars land, Malia safely eating two meals at two different restaurants as well as having an allergy friendly chocolate chip cookie from the Jolly Holiday Café and Bakery, hearing the Disneyland marching band perform several times, and seeing the spectacle of a Disneyland parade. And despite her many declarations before we left home, I did manage to get Malia to wear some mouse ears! I think they were actually the best ears I’ve ever seen-the “Monsters, Inc.” Mike Wazouski ears. Kevin enjoyed Star Wars land and personally, I think that portion of the park is one of the most visually spectacular ones. No detail was too small and the whole thing looked amazing. And Malia came home with a new friend for Jolly-Stitch is now a member of her stuffed animal entourage. I think the general consensus when we came away is that one day is not enough time to do everything. The last time I visited Disneyland was when I was 18 and the whole California Adventure Park didn’t exist then. Sometime we will have to go back to experience all the things that we couldn’t fit in!

Today’s adventure yielded 20,000 steps. Despite my lack of an actual workout, I think that counts as my exercise for the day. 😉 And I did, in fact, get to experience several magical moments with my kiddos today. So yes, the claim is valid. And yes, some of our magical moments would be considered mundane by most folks, but this is the very first time ever that I’ve gotten to take Matthew out for ice cream. That definitely sets today apart for us. And it is definitely magic of the highest order.

Life Lessons for Both of Us

Today is Matthew’s 17th birthday and we celebrated by taking him out to dinner. For most people this would not be a big deal, but for us the fact that we can actually treat him to a restaurant meal is huge! Having a place that can safely feed him does not get old and we are so, so grateful for all the staff at Tsunami and for the care they take to make it work for him. We have spoken with the manager each time we are there, and the same server always takes great care of us. Tonight, we also met a new manager that will be working with the current one, the head chef, and the regional manager who happened to be in this evening. Apparently, Matthew is the success story they tell throughout the company as they train for allergies. They are so, so good to him and take such care in feeding him and they always seem happy to see us. They all love that they can provide a safe meal for Matthew. In fact, this evening the manager told us that he is going to put together a menu just for Matthew so that if we come in when he isn’t working, whoever is there will know exactly what menu items Matthew can eat and how to modify them to make them safe. Matthew is always grinning when we go, his whole face alight, and the manager commented on that this time, telling us that he loves to see that smile. Despite the fact that Matthew has so much going on that he forgot it was his birthday until someone mentioned it (that would have been me early this morning as he waited for his friend to pick him up for a temple appointment) dinner was a huge success and Matthew will have sushi for lunch tomorrow as well.

Once he got back from the temple, Matthew spent most of his day in rehearsals of one kind or another. The school musical opens next week, and they are nowhere near ready, so they have scheduled rehearsals on all the days off they have this weekend. Matthew is doing tech for the show rather than being in it, and pretty much rolls his eyes at how much they don’t accomplish at each rehearsal. It is festival season for the high schools as well, so he had another rehearsal with his solo and ensemble group once musical rehearsal was over. Basically, he left the house about 7:00 this morning and showed back up around 3 p.m. Most of Matthew’s birthday and Christmas presents will be band tour in April, but we did get him a Lego set that features a jazz ensemble. Jazz is the music he loves, so it is a set he has been wanting and he spent the interim between rehearsal and dinner building Lego. 

Matthew has grown up a lot in the past several years. I know it is normal for teens at this age, but for some reason it seems to be more pronounced with Matthew. People tell me all the time that he has changed so much, and although I see him every day and it doesn’t seem so pronounced to me, I know it is true. The last of Matthew’s chubby baby cheeks have melted away over the past year and with them, the last bits of his little boy look. As a toddler and little boy, I did not understand how he thought and as such, it seemed that he knew how to push every one of my irritation buttons and did so regularly. We really didn’t understand each other for many years because we are just so very different. But over the past several years, he has also learned how to communicate better and has come to trust Kevin and I, which is a huge blessing. Any time your teenager talks to you is a good day, and Matthew has gotten to the point where he talks to us regularly about the good stuff, the bad stuff, the hard stuff, pretty much all the stuff. Along with that, he has opened up emotionally and has become a hugger. He is very supportive of Malia and all her worries and is creating a relationship with her of the caliber of the ones he has with Daniel and Nathan. He still doesn’t think the same way I do, and I still struggle to understand how his brain works sometimes, but overall, the path of our relationship has smoothed a great deal as well. Matthew is an important piece of our family puzzle and I feel like he is actively working to strengthen family relationships. And I love it.

Matthew has really preferred not to make a big deal out of his birthday for years now, but after dinner (and a quick visit to his best friend who received her BYU acceptance email this evening) he did humor me and let me put a candle in the lemon meringue pie we had in lieu of birthday cake. And he even let me take pictures. And smiled. Which was something he was not prone to doing as a little guy. Seriously, he would scowl every time I tried to take his picture. And pout. I guess that is another sign that he has grown up a lot. 😂

Despite all the rough days we had when he was tiny, I’m incredibly grateful that Matthew is a part of our family. Due to his allergies and the fact that I struggled to find babysitters who didn’t freak out just thinking about watching him, he went with me pretty much everywhere. He was my little buddy and while we clashed spectacularly on a regular basis, he is also the child who reminded me how to laugh. Life gets hard when you are raising young children, have a husband who is working full time and going to school full time, must relearn how to cook so you can feed your food allergy child safely, and are trying to make your meager budget stretch to include the pricier specialty food items needed to facilitate that safe eating. So, I needed to remember to laugh. And Matthew definitely helped me do that. In fact, some of his toddler stunts are still a surefire way to bring a smile to my face. When I need a laugh, I can just pull out the blog books from that period of his life and before I know it, my spirits have been lifted.

When he was born, I had no idea what was in store for us. I had no idea that a short five months later we would be in the emergency room with him during what was his very first allergic reaction. I had no idea of the fear and anxiety that was in store for both of us as we learned to navigate the food allergy life. I had no idea that he would be much more stubborn than his older brothers and that I would struggle to figure out how to communicate with him. I also had no idea how much I would miss having him underfoot when he finally went to school. Or what an incredible example of faith and courage he would be as he dealt with the day-to-day ramifications of his food limitations. Or how much strength and light he would find in the temple and just how often he would be drawn there. Again, an amazing example. 

I find it ironic that I started my path as a parent thinking that I was the one responsible for teaching all these little humans that were sent to my family and over the years, I have ended up learning just as much from them as they learned from me. On these days when I am reminded that my children are growing up and time is passing much faster than I would like, I find myself looking back and hoping that I have done enough to give them a solid foundation in life and in the gospel. But I also find myself looking forward to what I hope is a joyful and fulfilling life ahead of them. While I know Matthew has more struggles ahead of him, I also think he has much to look forward to. And he can hardly wait to get there.

And as a sidenote, I’m still tickled that during my ongoing attempts to expand Matthew’s diet, I have learned to make a lemon meringue pie with nary an egg in sight. And it is one of Matthew’s favorite kinds of pie. 😉

A Very Important First, But Hopefully Not a Last

For most people, taking the family out to dinner is a simple thing. For us, not so much. It always involves advanced planning, prepping a meal for at least one of my children, and then the emotional toll that occurs when the effected child or children have to watch the rest of us eat something that looks and smells delicious. As you can imagine, we don’t eat out all that much. Even on vacation we have tried to keep eating out at a minimum to help ease that feeling of being left out at the table. So, I’m sure you can imagine what a landmark event our first ever restaurant meal where all six of us were in attendance and were all able to eat was destined to be. We have been planning this meal ever since Matthew’s successful outing to Tsunami in October, and honestly, I think this was the most important event of this holiday season for all of us.

We started off our day with a trip to the temple. Over the past year, it has kind of become our routine to try to schedule a temple trip when Daniel and Nathan are home for a few days. It has been so nice to be able to attend together and it something I suspect we will continue to do. After lunch we drove downtown to take our yearly family pictures. With two kids away at school, scheduling a photo op for all of us has been a challenge. We had originally planned to drive to Logan in October, but work and marching band foiled that plan. We tried again over Thanksgiving weekend, but once again work schedules were tricky to navigate. Everyone has days off work and school this week, so we took advantage of the day to snap a few pics. Kevin and I know that the times when we can get all our kids together for a family photo are only going to become more difficult to arrange as time goes by, so this one kind of feels like the end of an era. Moving forward, we plan to take pictures with Matthew and Malia whenever it works for the four of us and invite the older boys to be in attendance if they can. If not, we totally understand. And encourage their continued foray into adulthood. 

Dinner at Tsunami was the culmination of our day of family outings. We all ate sushi, even Matthew who had his own specially prepared allergen free rolls, and Malia, who has gotten a lot braver about trying things and even liked some of the rolls she tried…minus the fish. 😂 We talked, we laughed, we ate way too much, and we had an absolutely amazing time. This was another remarkable first, one we never thought we would have. And hopefully, there will be more meals, and days, like this in the future. I suspect there will be. We all value family time and while we can’t always make it work, that will make the times when we can even more special.

As time goes by, I am becoming ever more aware of just how precious these family times are. Daniel and Nathan have only a few days at home as they both need to get back to work and honestly, my home is not their home anymore. When they are here, they are only visiting. We all know that. And we are all okay with that. I have raised my children to become capable, independent adults, and I’m not going to mourn the fact that my efforts have been successful. I will just enjoy the times when they are here, take advantage of these fleeting moments when we are all together, and continue to support and love them in the ever-changing ways that having adult children brings. Having said that, I do reserve the right to feel just a little bit sad when they leave to return to their home and their lives. It’s a right that twenty-three years of motherhood has earned me. But I won’t wallow in it. I’ll let that bit of sorrow prick my heart, then I’ll jump right back into the continuing task of raising my younger children. I’m not done with this whole mothering gig yet!

Oh, and as a sidenote, apparently Matthew is still the poster child for food allergies. When he was four or five, our allergist mentioned that she had a medical student in the office and asked if he could come in for our appointment. I agreed. When our doc brought the student in, she told him, “This is an example of a highly allergic individual.” That was our first experience with Matthew being the face of food allergies. The manager on shift at Tsunami was the same manager we met last time, and the same manager Kevin talked to on his first Q and A visit when we were trying to find out if Matthew safely eating there was even a possibility. The manager asked Kevin if the owner of the chain had gotten in touch with him yet. He had not, but the manager said that Matthew’s successful visit was used as a refresher course on food allergy protocols for all the locations and that the owner had asked for Kev’s phone number. I have to admit that cooking for someone with so many allergies can be quite daunting and getting it right in a commercial kitchen is a huge accomplishment. As such, I’m perfectly fine with the fact that once again Matthew seems to be the poster child for food allergies!

The Reason Why

I have spent the past sixteen years learning how to cook for Matthew. There was definitely a learning curve early on, but over the years it has become easier to navigate the world of allergen free cooking. Along the way, I’ve had many opportunities to share what I’ve learned with other people who are in varying stages of their allergy journeys. The allergy mama in me is always looking for ways to ease the road these food allergy kids travel, to help them feel included, to give them a bit of normalcy. And that is why I make the effort for my kids as well as other kids who cross my path. And every once in a while, I get a peek into just how much a simple thing can make a difference in the life of a child.

One of the girls in my primary activity group has very recently needed to go dairy free. Her allergy testing says she isn’t allergic, but she isn’t tolerating dairy well at all so they are thinking it is an intolerance and are avoiding all milk products so she doesn’t feel sick all the time. As I prepared a little Christmas gift for the girls, it took me all of about 2 minutes to assemble a dairy free hot chocolate mix to replace the Swiss Miss the other girls got. But it made an impact in her life and her mom was sweet enough to share that moment with me.

And that is why I do it. Even when it takes me longer than 2 minutes. 

Firsts and Reverses

There are a lot of ups and downs with food allergy kids in the family. That may seem strange to you to think about the fact that there are positives to a situation that seems entirely negative, but there are in fact good moments. Often the “firsts” are the things that keep us hopeful about the whole thing. For example, Matthew’s first ever chocolate chip cookie at the age of two when allergen free chocolate chips finally became a thing. His first chocolate coated ice cream bar, dairy free of course. His first school lunch, prepared especially for him by the amazing cafeteria lady at his elementary school. His first coconut whipped cream. His first chocolate candy bar. His first M&M copycat. His first white chocolate chip cookie. His first waffle with eggs in it. His first sunbutter cup (like peanut butter cups but with sunflower seed butter). His first allergen free brownie when I finally figured out how to make them egg free and high altitude. These are the good days, the days when foods are added to his diet, the days when he feels just a little bit more like a normal kid. 

Of course, the flip side is the reverses. The loss of the chocolate coated ice cream bars as part of the loss of Matthew’s favorite brand of non-dairy ice cream when they added pea protein to the entire line. The loss of peas themselves, which he liked, before he became allergic to them. The loss of the M&M copycat when chickpea cross contact became an issue. The loss of the egg waffles after having some intense and unpleasant reactions a few hours after eating. (We’re still trying to figure that one out. His testing showed nothing has changed egg wise and we are back to waffles with just the egg yolks instead of the whole egg.) The loss of the Western Family brand of fudge stripe cookies when they added milk back to the recipe. And of course, the loss of the normalcy of being able to eat out with family and friends, take a date out to dinner, etc. Malia has had many losses as well such as the loss of her favorite chicken noodle soup when she could no longer safely  eat at Kneader’s. The loss of Panda Express as an option for her. The loss of Carl’s Jr., her favorite restaurant, when they added a vegan meat option that had so much pea protein in it that people with peanut allergies were having reactions. The loss of the freedom to eat cake and ice cream at a birthday party. The loss of the ability to have a bakery made anything, a doughnut shop treat, and many more things we all take for granted as just a normal part of life. And more than anything else, the loss of the ability to eat without stress, to enjoy a meal without wondering if you are going to have a bad reaction, to just eat without having to think about the fact that one bite of the wrong thing can kill you. 

These are the reverses and as you can plainly see, the reverses are more plentiful than the firsts. But in my opinion, that makes the firsts even more important. Like I said before, the firsts are the things that keep up hopeful, that help us continue to move forward.

This evening we had a first. And it was a big one. A few months back, we went out to eat at Tsunami, one of our favorite sushi places. It is a completely nut free establishment which is an added perk to the fabulous food because it means Malia can eat safely. Matthew had his own food, of course, and we mentioned his severe allergies to the server like we always do. Our server that evening said that she was sure they could feed Matthew safely even with his long list of dangerous foods. If I remember correctly, she even had a manager come and chat with us for a minute. All that got us thinking that maybe, just maybe, eating out might be a possibility for Matthew. 

As I’m sure you can imagine, the idea of eating in a restaurant is terrifying for Matthew. Having his food prepared by complete strangers in a kitchen that is preparing items that are not safe for him and thus having no control over what goes into his food creates a lot of anxiety. Although Kevin and I were excited about the possibility of him being able to eat with us, we knew it had to be something he was ready to try, so we didn’t push. We figured that if he got to a point where he was ready, we would do the additional research necessary to ensure as safe an experience as possible and leave the timing up to him. 

About a month ago, Matthew told us he wanted to try Tsunami over fall break. He is in the middle of marching band season which means lots of meals away from home during camps and competitions, and I think the tipping point was all those meals with the band and the sense of being different that not being able to participate in a meal with others gives him. On several occasions he came home and commented on how good the meals smelled and how he wished so much that he could just be normal. He was finally ready to try.

 A couple of weeks ago, Kevin headed over to Tsunami during a slow time of day and talked to the manager as well as the regional chef who just happened to be in the restaurant that day. Their discussion reassured all of us that they could, in fact, feed Matthew safely. They would need about 30 minutes to clean a prep area in the kitchen but other than that, they were confident. So, a reservation was made for a day and time that would be a bit slower for them. Copious notes were included in the reservation so the kitchen and serve staff would be ready for us, and they were definitely ready. When we walked in the door this evening, they had a table spotlessly clean and right next to the kitchen door so they could easily ask questions as needed. Our server knew exactly which allergens Matthew needed to avoid and had all the possible substitutions ready for us as Matthew made his selections. Their menu is such that the only allergens of Matthew’s that they have in the kitchen are milk and egg, so that simplified matters. They had already set aside and cleaned a prep area in the kitchen because it was literally only about five minutes after ordering when the first dishes were placed on the table.

Matthew looked terrified, as well he should. To be honest, I was nervous too and had been praying all week that things would go well, that he would not react, that this experience would be a good one and perhaps open a few more doors for him and allow him a chance to feel just a bit more normal. After a couple of deep breaths, he grabbed his chopsticks and picked up the first bite. For most of us, one bite is not a big deal. Eating is something we do every day, without giving it much thought beyond whether or not it tastes good. For Matthew, he takes his own life in his hands every time he eats because just one bite of the wrong thing could kill him. And he knows that. So maybe that will give you an idea of just how much courage and faith that first bite took. It was probably the most terrifying bite he has ever taken. And I cannot express how proud I am of him for having the courage to take it. 

So, Matthew took that first bite and then he paused. Kevin was sitting directly across from him and was constantly reassuring Matthew that he could do this. They locked eyes and Matthew popped that first bite in, chewed and swallowed. Kevin grabbed his hand and held it while we all waited. When Matthew has reacted in the past, he has done so quickly. His allergies are severe enough that within a couple of minutes he knows things have gone awry. So that first bite and the five minutes he sat there afterwards were to see if he was going to react and to give him a chance to get his anxiety under control. Blessedly, he did not react. And once that first hurdle was cleared, the second bite was for flavor. 

I’d be lying if I said that Matthew was completely relaxed for this meal. He was actually really stressed but the food was good, and he did enjoy it. He tried a variety of different things and honestly, we had to kind of keep ourselves under control because there are so many delicious dishes we wanted him to experience but we also didn’t want to overwhelm him. So, we directed him towards a few things that we thought he would like and he did like everything he tried. Honestly, I kind of wondered if he would be disappointed by the quality of the food that we’ve been hyping up ever since we discovered Tsunami, but he was not. 

Our server checked in often to make sure all was going well and was well educated and able to answer all our questions. The manager on duty tonight was the same one Kevin talked to several weeks ago and he stopped by to see how things were going. He was really pleased that he was working when we came in and was pleased as well that things went smoothly. We learned that the owner of Tsunami has a son with a severe peanut allergy which explains why they are peanut free and why, in my opinion, they are well educated in how to make things safe for allergy folks. Sometimes it takes living the life to really understand all the ins and outs. Overall, the staff was amazing. They did everything just right and needless to say, we tipped them accordingly.

We asked Matthew about five million times how he felt, physically and emotionally, and throughout the meal he continued to be reaction free. As we finished up our meal with no adverse effects, we began to spread the news of Matthew’s experience and I think Nathan’s response was my favorite:

Both Daniel and Nathan were surprised and so, so pleased! This is a big event for our little clan and plans are already in the works to visit Tsunami again when both Daniel and Nathan can join us. It will be the first time ever that all six of us will be able to eat a restaurant meal together. And that is huge for us, Matthew especially. 

As we headed home, leftovers in hand, Matthew’s stress level began to come down some. And as the evening wore on with no delayed reaction either, his joy about the experience began to grow. This was a life altering first for him. This means there is someplace he can take a date for dinner. There is now an option for a meal we can all enjoy for special occasions. This is something that might be small and simple for most of us but is a huge step forward for a kid who has never known such normalcy where food is concerned. This is a little bit of hope all wrapped up in what has been an amazing first.