Today is Matthew’s 17th birthday and we celebrated by taking him out to dinner. For most people this would not be a big deal, but for us the fact that we can actually treat him to a restaurant meal is huge! Having a place that can safely feed him does not get old and we are so, so grateful for all the staff at Tsunami and for the care they take to make it work for him. We have spoken with the manager each time we are there, and the same server always takes great care of us. Tonight, we also met a new manager that will be working with the current one, the head chef, and the regional manager who happened to be in this evening. Apparently, Matthew is the success story they tell throughout the company as they train for allergies. They are so, so good to him and take such care in feeding him and they always seem happy to see us. They all love that they can provide a safe meal for Matthew. In fact, this evening the manager told us that he is going to put together a menu just for Matthew so that if we come in when he isn’t working, whoever is there will know exactly what menu items Matthew can eat and how to modify them to make them safe. Matthew is always grinning when we go, his whole face alight, and the manager commented on that this time, telling us that he loves to see that smile. Despite the fact that Matthew has so much going on that he forgot it was his birthday until someone mentioned it (that would have been me early this morning as he waited for his friend to pick him up for a temple appointment) dinner was a huge success and Matthew will have sushi for lunch tomorrow as well.
Once he got back from the temple, Matthew spent most of his day in rehearsals of one kind or another. The school musical opens next week, and they are nowhere near ready, so they have scheduled rehearsals on all the days off they have this weekend. Matthew is doing tech for the show rather than being in it, and pretty much rolls his eyes at how much they don’t accomplish at each rehearsal. It is festival season for the high schools as well, so he had another rehearsal with his solo and ensemble group once musical rehearsal was over. Basically, he left the house about 7:00 this morning and showed back up around 3 p.m. Most of Matthew’s birthday and Christmas presents will be band tour in April, but we did get him a Lego set that features a jazz ensemble. Jazz is the music he loves, so it is a set he has been wanting and he spent the interim between rehearsal and dinner building Lego.
Matthew has grown up a lot in the past several years. I know it is normal for teens at this age, but for some reason it seems to be more pronounced with Matthew. People tell me all the time that he has changed so much, and although I see him every day and it doesn’t seem so pronounced to me, I know it is true. The last of Matthew’s chubby baby cheeks have melted away over the past year and with them, the last bits of his little boy look. As a toddler and little boy, I did not understand how he thought and as such, it seemed that he knew how to push every one of my irritation buttons and did so regularly. We really didn’t understand each other for many years because we are just so very different. But over the past several years, he has also learned how to communicate better and has come to trust Kevin and I, which is a huge blessing. Any time your teenager talks to you is a good day, and Matthew has gotten to the point where he talks to us regularly about the good stuff, the bad stuff, the hard stuff, pretty much all the stuff. Along with that, he has opened up emotionally and has become a hugger. He is very supportive of Malia and all her worries and is creating a relationship with her of the caliber of the ones he has with Daniel and Nathan. He still doesn’t think the same way I do, and I still struggle to understand how his brain works sometimes, but overall, the path of our relationship has smoothed a great deal as well. Matthew is an important piece of our family puzzle and I feel like he is actively working to strengthen family relationships. And I love it.
Matthew has really preferred not to make a big deal out of his birthday for years now, but after dinner (and a quick visit to his best friend who received her BYU acceptance email this evening) he did humor me and let me put a candle in the lemon meringue pie we had in lieu of birthday cake. And he even let me take pictures. And smiled. Which was something he was not prone to doing as a little guy. Seriously, he would scowl every time I tried to take his picture. And pout. I guess that is another sign that he has grown up a lot. 😂
Despite all the rough days we had when he was tiny, I’m incredibly grateful that Matthew is a part of our family. Due to his allergies and the fact that I struggled to find babysitters who didn’t freak out just thinking about watching him, he went with me pretty much everywhere. He was my little buddy and while we clashed spectacularly on a regular basis, he is also the child who reminded me how to laugh. Life gets hard when you are raising young children, have a husband who is working full time and going to school full time, must relearn how to cook so you can feed your food allergy child safely, and are trying to make your meager budget stretch to include the pricier specialty food items needed to facilitate that safe eating. So, I needed to remember to laugh. And Matthew definitely helped me do that. In fact, some of his toddler stunts are still a surefire way to bring a smile to my face. When I need a laugh, I can just pull out the blog books from that period of his life and before I know it, my spirits have been lifted.
When he was born, I had no idea what was in store for us. I had no idea that a short five months later we would be in the emergency room with him during what was his very first allergic reaction. I had no idea of the fear and anxiety that was in store for both of us as we learned to navigate the food allergy life. I had no idea that he would be much more stubborn than his older brothers and that I would struggle to figure out how to communicate with him. I also had no idea how much I would miss having him underfoot when he finally went to school. Or what an incredible example of faith and courage he would be as he dealt with the day-to-day ramifications of his food limitations. Or how much strength and light he would find in the temple and just how often he would be drawn there. Again, an amazing example.
I find it ironic that I started my path as a parent thinking that I was the one responsible for teaching all these little humans that were sent to my family and over the years, I have ended up learning just as much from them as they learned from me. On these days when I am reminded that my children are growing up and time is passing much faster than I would like, I find myself looking back and hoping that I have done enough to give them a solid foundation in life and in the gospel. But I also find myself looking forward to what I hope is a joyful and fulfilling life ahead of them. While I know Matthew has more struggles ahead of him, I also think he has much to look forward to. And he can hardly wait to get there.
And as a sidenote, I’m still tickled that during my ongoing attempts to expand Matthew’s diet, I have learned to make a lemon meringue pie with nary an egg in sight. And it is one of Matthew’s favorite kinds of pie. 😉
