“He Hears, Sees, and Knows You”

Every mother of a missionary knows that when your phone rings and the caller id shows the call coming from within the mission area, your heartrate immediately begins to escalate. Every missionary mama also knows that when it is the mission president on the other end of the call, the anxiety skyrockets. So, when I answered a video call from Arkansas this afternoon and found myself face to face with Pres. M, my heart jumped into my throat. Being a wise man, the very first thing he did was assure me that nothing was wrong. He said that mission presidents don’t often get to make the good calls home but today was one of those calls. By then, the rest of my family was also on high alert, and Kevin joined me on the call. Pres. M told us that he was sitting there with Elder ***** and turned his phone to allow Matthew to join the view. He explained that they had just finished their interview and thought that it was Labor Day so maybe they should call home. He then proceeded to say, “We looove Elder *****!” He described Matthew as a hard worker and a great missionary and thanked us for raising such an amazing son. I was teary eyed by then, of course, but I wasn’t feeling stressed anymore. And honestly, the huge smile on Pres. M’s face helped solidify the fact that all was well. 

Pres. M then shared that they are praying for his ankles because the Lord needs Matthew in Arkansas more than anywhere else right now. (Matthew has developed tendonitis in his ankles and has been working with a physical therapist to try to resolve the issues.) I mentioned that we are also praying for Matthew’s ankles, and he commented with a grin that there are a lot of people praying for these ankles. He shared with us that he loves reading Matthew’s weekly emails because Matthew asks good questions and has a deep understanding of the gospel, and about three more times told us, “We looove Elder *****!” Malia popped her head in, and I invited her to come meet Pres. M. He mentioned that Matthew had told him she had just started high school and asked her how high school was treating her. Her response was, “Better than I expected!” I was so impressed that Pres. M knew enough about our family to remember that Malia had just started high school. He ended the call by telling us that missionaries are blessed but that the families who are sacrificing their sons, children, brothers are blessed as well. It was a sweet reminder to me that the Lord is mindful of Matthew, of course, but that he is also mindful of us as we pray for and worry about and miss our missionary while he is gone.

When we spoke to Matthew last Wednesday, he was looking pretty rough around the edges. He has worked so hard to be positive in all his emails and when he calls and he has rarely complained about anything, but he looked so downtrodden and was so subdued that Kevin prompted an early end to the call with all our other kids so that we could have a few minutes alone with Matthew. Apparently, his newest companion is chronically late and Matthew, who is perpetually early, was incredibly frustrated and discouraged. Up until now, he has never been late to mission meetings, member meals, doctor’s appointments, etc. But now, he is always waiting on his companion and is always running 10-30 minutes late for everything. His companion’s tendency to procrastinate everything exacerbates the problem and Matthew has no idea how to handle the situation. He has tried everything he can think of to motivate his companion, but nothing seems to help. So, frustration and discouragement have been Matthew’s constant companions for the past several weeks. We counseled with him as best we could, offering support and reminders that he is not alone, but when it was time to end the call, he still looked extremely down. As such, I have been worrying about him, as has Kevin.

I think that often the Lord knows what we need before we do, because I didn’t realize how much I needed to see the light back in Matthew’s eyes until I saw him with Pres. M today. That defeated look was gone from his countenance, and he was smiling and radiating light like he usually does. I came away feeling lighter and relieved myself, and I am so grateful for a mission president who is prompted to make a call to a missionary’s family far away so that a missionary mama can be reassured that her son is ok. And as a last comment, that grin Pres. M has when he speaks in conference? That is his natural demeanor. He is always smiling. He is one of those people who seems continually filled with joy. What an amazing example he is to all of us whose lives he is touching. His call to serve as the president in Matthew’s mission was unexpected for all of us, but I think the Lord knew that just like Matthew, he is needed in Arkansas more than anywhere else right now.

It’s Still a Small World

Matthew sent us a picture via Messenger this morning promising he would tell us a story when we spoke. This evening he shared the story associated with the picture. Apparently, one of his seminary teachers is on his email list, but he honestly thought she wasn’t getting his mission emails. This week, she was at church headquarters and happened to run into previous President, now Elder H. She mentioned that she has a former student serving in Arkansas, and when asked for a name, mentioned Matthew. Elder H broke out into a big smile and proceeded to tell this sister that he loves Matthew. The seminary teacher sent the picture and the anecdote to Matthew via email, and it made his day. He has such great love and respect for Elder Hathaway, and it was so very heartwarming to know that he is held in high regard as well.

Sometimes the little things are the big things. A chance encounter was an opportunity for Matthew to be reminded that his former mission president, while now serving in a different capacity, still loves all those missionaries that he served with in Arkansas.

Forecast

According to Matthew, this is the predicted weather in his mission field.

Apparently, it is pretty hot. 😜

Small World

This past week was the transition between mission presidents in Matthew’s mission. Matthew has been a bit anxious about the change as initially his entire mission would be spent with Pres. H and there was a lot of trust and love there. But now that Matthew has met Pres. M, he is at his ease with a new mission president who he describes as funny and happy and loving. When they met, Matthew immediately asked for a picture with him. Why, you might ask? Because last week, he got an email from Ally, his best friend, who is currently in the MTC. Apparently, Pres. M taught her class in the MTC and knowing that he was heading to Arkansas as Matthew’s new mission president, she had to take a picture with him and send it off to Matthew. President was pleasantly surprised by the connection and was more than happy to comply with the request.

Matthew’s second small world moment this week also involved Ally. Aliese, Cory’s youngest daughter, was in the MTC prior to heading to the Texas Fort Worth Mission, which coincidentally is the same mission in which Nathan served. Ally found her while they were both in the MTC and again, sent Matthew a picture.

So, it has been a small world week for Matthew. And sometimes I think those moments make him feel just a little bit closer to the friends and family he loves, even though they are far away.

Sing Hallelujah!

This morning the first message I got from my jazz music deprived missionary was a screenshot of a song that played on Gospel Stream. It would seem that Harry Connick Jr. made the cut with one of the songs from his album “Alone with my Faith.” And it made Matthew’s day! He made his companion sit in the car with him until the song was finished. 😉

Redneck Word of the Day

As I’m sure you can tell from his last email, Matthew is happy this week. After six months of knocking doors all day every day, his latest transfer has given him opportunities to teach. The change in location, companion, and routine has been good for him. He is teaching almost every day right now and loving it. He loves his new companion and is adjusting well to being a trainer. He is just headed into severe weather season in Webb City, and he is loving that too. Before he flew in an airplane the first time and decided that he wanted to be a pilot, he was leaning heavily into being a weatherman and he is still fascinated by meteorology. So being in tornado alley is actually very exciting for him. They do educate the missionaries on what to do in the case of different weather-related warnings (tornado watch vs. tornado warning, when to head to the shelters, etc.) and while he is fascinated, he is not stupid. He isn’t going to defy mission rules and go tornado chasing or anything. And a couple of weeks ago he promised me he wouldn’t die, so I’m not overly worried. 😂 I do, however, reserve the right to freak out a little bit if tornados actually touch down in his vicinity. 

When Matthew is super stressed or unhappy, he has a tendency to go quiet, so it wasn’t until this latest change gave him a burst of new enthusiasm that we realized that he is developing a mighty fine southern accent. When we talked to him last night, he was in high spirits, and the drawl was quite noticeable. It makes us giggle. He’s nine months into his soujourn in the south, and with more than a year left to go, I can hardly wait to hear what he sounds like when he is done. It should be quite amusing. 😉

He is also beginning to incorporate some southern traditions into his life. As we learned from Nathan after his mission in Texas, as well as from Elder John D. Amos in general conference last fall (FYI-he was one of Tawni’s mission presidents while she was in Louisiana prior to her service in Portugal), almost all foods are made better by putting some Tony’s on it. Tony Chachere’s is a Creole seasoning that is ubiquitous in the south. Slap Ya Mama is a Cajun seasoning that is also widely and generously used. Tony’s is not safe for Matthew, but Slap Ya Mama is, and he has been putting it in everything. Including his beloved stroganoff, which he ate last week for the first time since Fort Smith six months ago. If it has made it into the stroganoff, then he is hard core loving the Mama’s!

Another thing he is picking up is a mighty fine new set of vocabulary words. Last night he shared a “Redneck word of the day” with us. 

Inhale: as in “Why inhale am I still in Walmart?”

Yup. Straight from the mouth of my missionary. Who is happy this week. 😁

Withdrawals

Matthew was in Bentonville for six months. Geographically, his area was very small, which meant that the grocery stores he had access to were limited in number. Pretty much, it was Walmart or nothing. With his recent transfer being slightly delayed due to his mission president being in Salt Lake last week to be set apart as a general authority seventy, he has been in Webb City for five days. Today is his very first p-day while he is in Missouri. At 7:23 this morning he sent me a message asking if there is somewhere in Webb City or Joplin where he can get Tofutti Better Than Sour Cream. This is one of the allergen free food substitutes that we use a lot. In particular, we use the fake sour cream to make stroganoff. And stroganoff is one of Matthew’s all-time favorites. He hasn’t had stroganoff since Fort Smith since he couldn’t get the Tofutti in his area in Bentonville. Hence the query for a store that carries it. I got on the Tofutti website and discovered that there is a Natural Grocer in Joplin. That is a boon for Matthew because they carry a lot of the specialty foods we use. 

It is now 9:01 and Matthew just sent me a picture taken inside the Natural Grocer, showcasing another of his all-time favorites: free2b sunbutter cups. I suspect stroganoff is on the menu this evening. And I suspect the Joplin Natural Grocer will have a fairly regular customer for at least the next six weeks. 😉

All is Well

Today, I’m going to start with a story. I am on the email list for Havenlight Art, one of the local companies that prints and sells art created by a lot of the local artists who are members of the church. It is one email list I choose to stay on because I enjoy seeing new art that is available and honestly, I love getting a dose of Jesus in my inbox once a week or so! Way back in December, the week before Christmas, (Yes, I know that was less than four months ago. These past several months have been hard and have seemed so, so long.) I got an email that included an image of the Savior that I had not seen previously. I really liked it and kept the email rather than deleting it. After pulling that email up every day for over a week, I decided I should probably just buy a print. There was a sale happening that lowered the cost of framed art a bit, so I ordered a framed piece to hang as well as prints to give my kiddos at Easter. 

As for what drew me to this particular image, I think it was the way the red robes were rendered. Rather than being a field of solid red, they are painted in lines that to my eye, are reminiscent of dripping blood. In some instances, that would end up being a gory picture, but in this case, it just reminded me deeply of the love that the Savior has for us, for me, and the fact that He willingly shed those drops of blood on our behalf. Over the years, as my life experiences have expanded and my relationship with the Savior has deepened, I have become more and more aware of just how much love went into His atonement, and just how amazing His gift is. Life is hard sometimes, a fact that has been made all too real for my family and me over the past month, and through it all, He is there, extending his great love and mercy to every one of us.

About a year and a half ago, I happened across a conference talk that I didn’t remember although I’m certain I heard it. In it there was a quote that changed the way I view the atonement. Elder Merrill J. Bateman said:

For many years I thought of the Savior’s experience in the garden and on the cross as places where a large mass of sin was heaped upon Him. Through the words of Alma, Abinadi, Isaiah, and other prophets, however, my view has changed. Instead of an impersonal mass of sin, there was a long line of people, as Jesus felt “our infirmities” (Hebrews 4:15), “[bore] our griefs, … carried our sorrows … [and] was bruised for our iniquities” (Isaiah 53:4–5). The Atonement was an intimate, personal experience in which Jesus came to know how to help each of us.

I love that idea of each of us standing in line, each of us having our moment in front of Jesus when He looked at us, knew us and suffered in that moment for each of us specifically. I love the idea that He looked at my face, knew my fears and my sorrows and my sins and frustrations and worries and griefs and that one of those drops of blood was shed just for me.  This idea has changed the way I view the atonement, and it has strengthened my ties to Jesus Christ. And this particular picture reminded me of that one drop of blood that had my name on it. 

Today is Easter and as such, the reality of Christ’s atonement and resurrection have been at the forefront of my mind not just today, but over the past weeks as I’ve studied and learned and worked to wrap my brain around some of the harsh realities of life that have been placed before me. This weekend is also General Conference, and I feel like that has been a theme throughout conference as well. There have been so many talks about how the Savior is always there for us and that as we turn to Him, He will strengthen us and lift us and encourage us and bring us joy amidst the challenges of mortality as well as even greater joy in the day of resurrection. It has been such a needed balm to my soul. Some of my favorite thoughts are that a heartfelt prayer for peace will be answered (Henry B. Eyring), we never have to walk our mountain alone (Brian J. Holmes), and no matter how bad things are now, your best days are ahead (Emily Belle Freeman). I know that when we go in with a receptive heart and a willingness to learn, the Lord will teach us in very personal ways. And I feel like I received the spiritual reinforcement I need to be able to keep moving forward with faith.

With how serious and heavy things have been of late, I find myself being more intentional about focusing on the good. I’m looking for those little things that bring joy every day and I’m allowing myself to feel that joy even though there are serious things in the back of my mind all the time right now. So, with that in mind, there were a few silly things in my kids’ Easter baskets along with their prints of the image of Christ I have already written about. They each had some Easter egg and Easter bunny rubber ducks, because everyone knows that we need more rubber ducks around here. (Still five more to find from Christmas…) There were also some wind-up hopping Easter eggs which remind Malia of the eggs in Rise of the Guardians. And my favorite “just because it’s funny” basket stuffer was some Dr. Pepper flavored marshmallow Peeps. Malia’s response upon smelling and tasting them was, “That’s not right.” Because the flavor and aroma were exactly like Dr. Pepper, but the texture was definitely not. 😂 

Nathan and Malia were the only ones home this Easter, which while quiet, is beginning to feel a bit more normal. And Malia (almost) always appreciates having one of her brothers here. The exception to that is when Nathan tries to steal her food. Because not only are her holiday candy options a bit more limited due to the peanut allergy, but even when she was a tiny thing, she would share anything with her brothers except her food. That was where she drew the line. And as a youngest child with three older brothers, I feel like she was so smart that way. 😜 Anyway, Nathan teased her as she defended her nut free chocolate treats and today their whole good-natured bantering made me smile. It’s the little things, right?

One of the highlights of the day was an unexpected call from Matthew this evening. We did not know that he would get to call home for Easter, so it was a wonderful surprise! I think it was good for him too, because his mission president was called to be a general authority seventy during the morning session of conference yesterday which means that he will be leaving his calling as a mission president a full year earlier than expected. Matthew was planning on having the same mission president for all but his very last transfer, so this is a big change that has the mission in a bit of a hubbub this weekend. The mission president had a zoom meeting with all the missionaries last night to give them all some info about timing and what info he has, which is not much. The new mission president has been called although they don’t know who it is yet, and he will begin serving on July 1. Until the announcement yesterday morning, only the current mission president and his wife and the church leaders who had called him knew about this change. The mission president has two children still living at “home,” and even they didn’t know until yesterday. So big surprise for almost everyone.

Matthew is feeling a bit stressed about this upcoming change. Transfers are also this week, and there is a very serious rumor that Matthew will be training a brand-new missionary, so he is also feeling a bit anxious about that as well. Hopefully having a few minutes to chat with Kevin and I have helped reassure him that he really is capable and prepared to be a trainer and that while having a new mission president will definitely bring changes, it will also bring blessings. The Lord knows who He needs as well as where and when He needs them, so this is not a coincidence or a mistake. It is a part of the Lord’s plan for the current president and his family, the new president, the mission, and the missionaries. 

I feel like the big takeaway from this conference is that everything centers on Jesus Christ. And when we put him at the center of our lives, we are capable of much more than we are on our own. As life continues to bring us challenges, as I know it will, I hope that I will not just remember that lesson, but that I can live it. And I think that is one of the big challenges of mortality-to actually live what we profess to believe, to keep moving forward with faith in Jesus Christ. But if we can do that, if we can endure as Elder Bednar taught in this conference, in the end, all will be well. As the historic hymn says, “Come, come, ye saints, no toil nor labor fear; but with joy wend your way.” I feel like that should be my motto for this next six months-come to Christ, fear not what the future may bring, and find joy in the journey, for all is well.

Joy in the Morning

One of the good things about technology and the fact that the church is encouraging families to be involved in their missionary’s work is that sometimes we get to take a peek into the lives of our missionaries. With Nathan, we were able to watch the musical fireside he organized just before he came home. In fact, once the decision was made that he needed to come home, he asked to be able to stay an extra week to be able to participate in the fireside. As for Matthew, last night I received a text from a brother in Arkansas who is in the bishopric of the ward and the mission where Matthew is serving. Matthew is on his fourth transfer in the same area, and as such, the ward members have had an opportunity to get to know him pretty well. I was told that he is one of the best missionaries they have had and is well loved. That’s high praise and speaks well of his dedication and hard work. I was also invited to watch their sacrament meeting this morning. Matthew was scheduled to sing a solo and this brother thought I might like to watch. And I most certainly did want to watch. Before heading off to stake conference, Kevin, Malia and I were able to hear Matthew sing. He did a great job and only pulled faces once when he hit a note that was not to his liking. 😂

The past few weeks have been hard, and I know there are many more hard ones ahead, so these little blessings, these tender mercies and small joys are especially appreciated right now. And getting to see my missionary share his testimony though music was a wonderful way to start the day.

Tender Mercies

There is a tender mercy in the fact that Matthew is spending his first Christmas away from home in an area where he has extended family of a friend here at home watching out for him. Megan’s aunt has been an absolute rock star. Not only has she invited Matthew and his companion into her home on multiple occasions, but she was here for Thanksgiving and hand delivered a letter to me from Matthew and took a little package from us back to our missionary in Arkansas. And this morning she sent me a text asking what kind of Christmas candy Matthew can have. I sent her a few options, and she put together a whole little gift bag full of goodies for him and another for his companion. She checked with me to make sure she got it right, and she absolutely did. Everything she chose was perfect for Matthew.

Matthew has been a little down the past few weeks. Big holidays away from home can be tough, so I’m enormously grateful for these little things that become big things for those young men and young women who are away from their families serving the Lord. I only hope that there is a sister in Honduras who is watching over Megan’s aunt’s son while he serves and spends his first Christmas away from home. 

It’s a Small World

When Matthew received his mission call to Arkansas, we were bombarded with people telling us they had ties to the area-parents living there, extended family in the area, stationed there in a past military posting, etc. For some reason, the parts of Arkansas and Missouri in which he would be serving seem to be teeming with folks who have ties right here. And now that he has been transferred to Bentonville, he has had his first small world encounter. 

You might remember that during his senior year, Matthew met a girl who has similar allergies to his. It was a big moment for him, meeting someone who really gets what his life is like, and we started referring to her as his allergy buddy. Her actual name is Megan, and she has an aunt who lives in Bentonville. In fact, her aunt lives in one of the wards that Matthew is currently serving in, and he met her on his first Sunday in Bentonville. Megan’s aunt was quick to invite them to have dinner in their home, and this evening I got a message from her, with a picture of Matthew and his companion at their dinner appointment.

I know this doesn’t happen to every family who sends out a missionary, but we have been blessed to receive messages from members that all of my sons have worked with during their full-time missionary service. It is always a blessing for me, to know that there are folks watching out for my kids and a reminder as well, that we are a worldwide church and that people all over are doing the best they can to live the gospel, just like me. 

Mmmm…Rice!

Matthew loves rice. When he was a toddler, he referred to anything he found tasty as rice. And his appreciation of whatever foodstuffs he was enjoying was expressed as, “Mmmm…rice!” Bread fresh out of the oven and left to cool? “Mmmm…rice!” Sugar cookies nabbed while my back was turned? “Mmmm…rice!” And actual rice? “Mmmm…rice!” So, this is a kid who likes rice. A lot. And this is also a kid who has never cooked rice without a rice cooker. That’s a side effect of our Chinese heritage. I suspect that most people around here view a rice cooker as a handy but nonessential appliance. But in my house, it is an absolute necessity. Daniel went all rogue while he was serving in Oregon and learned to cook rice in a pot, but my other kids are highly dependent on rice cookers. I mean, I can cook rice in a pot too, but why bother when my rice cooker is so much easier and yields fantastic results? And I can set it to run and walk away, even leave the house, which you most definitely cannot do when you are cooking rice on the stove.

Eating at the MTC, where rice was served but was the long grain, Uncle Ben’s type of rice in industrial quantities was a whole new experience for Matthew. And since he consumed the microwaveable sticky rice bowls I shipped to the mission office for his first couple of days in Arkansas, he has not had any more rice. And that was almost two months ago. Needless to say, he has reached the point of having rice withdrawals. So why doesn’t he buy rice, you may ask? Because the area of Fort Smith where he is assigned is so poor that they don’t even have a Walmart. And since he is in Arkansas, the place from whence all Walmarts spring, that is saying something. He told us the nicest store they have is Dollar General. Which means that he can’t find good rice. Because along with our deep dependence on rice cookers, we are also rice snobs. Being raised on medium grain Calrose sticky rice means that the Uncle Bens and the Minute Rices of the world are far, far below our ricey standards. Because let’s face it, not all rice is created equal. Even the cuisine of other cultures that leans heavily on rice (think Mexican food) uses a very different variety of rice. And Calrose rice is nowhere near as cheap as some of the other varieties. Hence Dollar General not carrying it. 

But this is where Amazon is super fantastic because not only can I buy a rice cooker on the cheap, but they will ship it to Arkansas free of charge. And they also sell bags of the right kind of rice, which is even more convenient. So last night was rice night in Fort Smith. And Matthew loves me even extra lots today because 15 pounds of rice should last him for a while. 😉

Ummm…May I Be Excused?

When we talked to Matthew earlier this week, he told us that his entire district went out to dinner as their last big hurrah before transfers happened. There is either a ward member or a friend of some of the missionaries (I can’t remember exactly what the relationship is) who is the manager at a local restaurant, so they opted to go to that eatery. Which is why Matthew went into Texas Roadhouse. Texas. Road. House. Where the peanuts live. Which every allergist we have ever seen has specifically mentioned by name as a place to avoid. But Matthew has only been in Arkansas for six weeks, and the other missionaries honestly didn’t even think about it. And because he is a missionary, it’s not like he could stay home while his companion went to dinner. So, he grabbed a mask, a smart choice to keep any allergens out of his lungs and ventured into the forbidden zone. 

Obviously, he came out alive. He was smart and in addition to the mask, he didn’t try to eat there. He shared some pictures today, and it is very clear that he is in full on allergy defense mode with his bag tucked up on his lap and his hands and arms tucked in tight, trying not to touch anything more than absolutely necessary.

We all knew that Matthew would have lots of new experiences over the course of his mission, but this one was not anticipated. And honestly, it’s probably better that I didn’t know about it until after it had happened. 😂

Missionary Mama’s Viewpoint

Due to his openness in his emails and his resolution to be honest about the good and the bad of his missionary experience, there are a lot of you who are concerned about Matthew. I’ve received many worried inquiries about his wellbeing, so I thought I’d take a minute to address those concerns.

The short answer is that he’s okay.

The long answer is that the adversary is hitting him hard with all those darn D’s like doubt, discouragement, despair, etc. but he’s okay. He’s not one to go down without a fight and like I reminded him when we spoke last week, he has always had an absolutely resolute testimony about the truthfulness of the gospel. All my boys struggled with nightmares as children, but he’s the only one who ever woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me that he “had a good dream that filled me with the Holy Spirit.” I kid you not. That’s an exact quote from a five- or six-year-old Matthew. The morning after that midnight awakening, he told me that he dreamed about the birth of Jesus. So, he has been firm in the faith pretty much forever. 

So yes, these are hard weeks for him. He is being tried. But he is rising up and giving his all to keep doing the work. He is also finding joy in small ways. He made bread this week which always makes me happy, and I suspect just the smell of the bread was a pick me up. He has also discovered that while Fort Smith may be a moderately sized town in the middle of nowhere Arkansas, it has enough diversity to support an Asian market that carries frozen bao that are safe for him. And since bao is like the very best Chinese comfort food in the world to him, that was a point on the positive side. He says they are not quite as good as homemade, but they are pretty good for a store-bought version. And he and his companion have been going fishing on their P-days. What I hear from those who enjoy fishing is that it is a relaxing pastime. So, I assume that’s a perk as well. And today he caught five big ole fish, which is pretty cool.

I won’t say that we haven’t had some parental worry happening over here, but I will also say that Matthew is keeping his head above water. He is much more chipper this week than he was last week, and he has been reminding us that there is always opposition when spiritually defining moments are on the horizon. And what is a mission but a two year spiritually defining and strengthening experience? He could definitely use some prayers though, and daily mail delivery is “the best part of the day” according to Matthew, so mail, either virtual or physical is always welcome.

Matthew has wanted to serve a mission since he was eight or nine. And for a good while there he wasn’t sure if he would be called to serve a full-time proselyting mission due to his multitude of allergies. So now that he is in Arkansas doing the Lord’s work, he is not likely to take any opposition lying down. He’s figuring things out and while the work is hard, he is giving it his all.

Go!

Today was Matthew’s flight to Arkansas. Ever since we received the first communications directly from the mission, we have known that the first 48 hours were going to be interesting food wise. The incoming missionaries are fed at the mission home and don’t even have access to all their luggage until they head out to their assigned areas. That means that for two full days plus his travel day, all the food Matthew would have would be what he could carry with him through security at the airport and any meager allergy friendly options he could find in the convenience stores in the airport. So as with all things, we made a plan to keep him fed. We live close enough to the MTC that we can take advantage of the same day MTC delivery services that are offered by several Provo businesses. So early this week, I packed up a box of a dozen muffins (one of Matthew’s favorite travel foods), some rolls, and several bags of cookies and dropped it off for delivery. Matthew doesn’t eat a ton when he is stressed, and knowing that he would be rather anxious, he figured that would be enough to get him through the day. I also planned to have a box of shelf stable foods waiting for him in Arkansas.

Last week, I got a phone call from one of the senior sisters who is serving in the mission office in Bentonville. Sis. B called and basically said, “How in the world do we feed your missionary?” That’s not an easy question to answer, so there have been multiple conversations, I’ve spent quite a bit of time online shopping the Walmart in Bentonville, and I suggested some fast and easy prepared food meals that are pretty much Matthew’s comfort food. She has obviously read all the info that we have sent to the mission, because she also asked about what kinds of pans he needs, whether or not he will need separate dishes in his apartment, etc. She has been working with the couple who deals with housing to make sure they have everything ready for him when he gets there.

Several days ago, I got another call from a different sister who is the secretary in the mission office. She puts together little “snack packs” for the missionaries to take with them when they leave the mission home to drive to their areas. She said that it can be a long drive, and missionaries often don’t eat that well, so she tries to put together some healthier snacks for them to have as they travel. I went back to the internet and gave her some options there as well. When I told her that Matthew can have Club crackers and Welch’s fruit snacks, she excitedly proclaimed, “I have those!” I gave her several other ideas to flesh out his snack pack, so hopefully that will be helpful for him as well.

I also got a text message from Sis. B on Monday. Matthew’s boxes of food had arrived, and she wanted to make sure that they didn’t need to be opened right away to get anything into the fridge. I assured her that everything was shelf stable and that Box #1 was to help get him fed for those first two days in the mission and Box #2 was to take with him when he headed out to his area so that he wouldn’t starve while he is figuring out what brands of foods he can get that are safe for him. She also asked me to send her details about things like what brands of bread are safe for him, so as I researched, I sent some info her way.

Sis. B called once more this morning, to ask about some fresh produce. Obviously, they try to feed their missionaries healthy meals and the fast prepared foods I suggested were lacking in that department. So, I shared some info about what kinds of fruit he likes, Malia chimed in with the addition of rice and BBQ chips (we were in the car when she called), she asked what was in the boxes I’d sent so she had an idea of what he had access to, and I think she felt better about being able to offer him a well-rounded meal. One of the really helpful things about this particular sister is that her daughter has Celiac which means that she knows all about the dangers of cross contact. Over the years, I have learned that cross contact is one of the hardest things for people to wrap their brains around. The idea that trace amounts of food so small that can’t be seen can pose a real risk can be baffling to many who have never needed to deal with these types of things, so honestly, knowing that someone who really gets the reality of the need for excessive care taken in food preparation has been good for my food allergy mama brain. 

Once Matthew arrived at the mission home and ate, he had a few minutes to message us. Wednesday is P-day in the mission, so while he didn’t have time for an actual call, he did send us some info. Obviously, he had arrived safely. He had been fed chicken strips, rice, BBQ chips, and green grapes. He was recovering from food poisoning part 2 and while he still didn’t feel great, he was grateful for some (almost) real food. He asked about some of the items in his boxes and will be relieved when he has full control of his food again.

Once Matthew gets to his own apartment the food part will be easier…hopefully. A lot of that will depend on the cooperation of his companion. But he’s ready to clean like crazy and educate his companions and hopefully things will go well. I know he has worries about many things and being ill twice in the past ten days has not helped. But we have taught him everything he needs to know in terms of feeding himself safely and he has placed his trust in the Lord. Hopefully with a bit of time to figure everything out, Matthew’s food needs will take a back seat in his brain so that he can really focus on the work he is meant to do in Arkansas.

And so, his missionary service truly begins. And I suspect he has a lot to learn about being a missionary, getting along with companions, and navigating the great unknown that is Arkansas and Missouri.

Even the Best Laid Plans…

For those of you who have read Matthew’s email from today, you will know that his dinner last night consisted of carrots. And carrots. Of course, there is a bit more to that story. And it led to a bit of drama for our family today.

At about 11:30 this morning, as I was putting away groceries, I simultaneously received a concerned text from Daniel and a worried phone call from Nathan. With both of them reaching out at the exact same time, I suspected something was not right. And that was an appropriate assumption. Matthew had sent them a somewhat panicky message about having only carrots as his meal accompanied by a note that he could eat other items off the main line. That, of course, is not a safe way for Matthew to eat and so messages were sent to me. And unfortunately, Facebook Messenger is not the most reliable messaging platform ever, which means that I didn’t get any of them. My lack of response led to Matthew reaching out to his brothers who then immediately notified me. Once I sent a message to Matthew I started getting messages from him, so that helped simplify communications just a bit. And then I got on the phone to try to get someone from the MTC to help work the problem. 

It took me several months earlier this year to get a response from the guy who is the head of specialty meals at the MTC. And once I actually talked to him, he told me to email him again 2-3 weeks before Matthew entered the MTC. I did so and never got a response. Which was not all that assuring. As part of his preparations to enter the MTC, Matthew was given contact info for the MTC dietician and emailed her several weeks ago as well. She responded with some additional questions and after receiving answers to those questions let Matthew know they would have specialty meals for me. So, despite the lack of a response to me from one employee, confirmation from another told us that things were covered. But as evidenced by yesterday’s veggie only plate, there was a breakdown in communication somewhere along the line.

I started by trying to call the person I had spoken to back in April and there was no answer and not even an option to leave a message. So, I called the main MTC information desk and explained our predicament and asked for some help finding someone to talk to right away. The sister I spoke to tried to contact all the people who would normally be contacted, even reaching out to them via their cell phone numbers. But today is Pioneer Day, a Utah state holiday, and many people had the day off. When my helper couldn’t get in contact with anyone, she contacted her manager to see what to do next. She was told to reach out to the head of health and wellness for the entire MTC and see what he could do. I was told that he is generally very good about returning calls and that if the folks at the help desk didn’t hear from him within about half an hour, they would call me back.

While I was waiting, I reached out to a ward member who is well known to all my kids. She sent Kevin and I a message yesterday expressing thoughts that Matthew’s MTC arrival had gone smoothly. And as an afterthought, she mentioned that she had just barely found out that a good friend of hers worked in the specialty meals department at the MTC and that Matthew would be in good hands. Armed with that info, I reached out to her and asked for some help while I waited for a return call from the MTC. Within about thirty seconds she had responded with a resounding “Yes!” And only a few minutes later I received a phone call from her friend. I explained the situation and she got to work trying to find out who was working today. She told me to have Matthew head to the specialty meals room and wait for someone to come talk to him and to express clearly his food needs. I conveyed that info and as it was P-day and his schedule allowed him to go right away, Matthew headed to the cafeteria. 

Within the hour, I received a phone call from the brother who is the head of health and wellness for the MTC. After learning about the situation, he told me that he would work it out, offering to personally head down to the MTC if needed. He called again after a bit to tell me that he had talked to the MTC dietician, who was at work today, and that she and Matthew had spoken and had arranged a plan. He assured me that Matthew had eaten chicken, rice, and carrots for lunch, and that if I had any other concerns I could reach out to him. He expressed the hope that Matthew and the dietician would be able to continue to communicate well. He was very kind and perfectly willing to help us get Matthew fed and I’m very grateful. 

As for Matthew, I’m hoping that this will be a learning experience for him. Yes, there was some miscommunication that happened. And yes, it left him in a very tricky situation foodwise. But he doesn’t like to draw attention to his allergies and will often choose simply not to eat rather than make any fuss about his needs. But now that he is out in the world on his own, he can’t just wait until he gets home and then eat. At least, not for the next two and a half weeks. He had been in the MTC less than 24 hours at the time all of this became known to us, and he had no idea who to talk to or what the procedure would be if there were issues with his meals, so having me available to help work out the issue was good. But in future, he won’t always be able to contact us at the exact time. Now, in his defense, he did try to get some details on procedures and such before he went to the MTC, as did I. But he didn’t get those questions answered. And despite that, he walked into the MTC with a lot of faith yesterday afternoon.

Before Matthew ever left, we all knew that foodwise, the MTC and his first 48 hours in Arkansas would be the trickiest. So hopefully things will go more smoothly from here on out. I do plan to have a package of food waiting for him at the mission office in Arkansas when he arrives there in several weeks to try to help cover that gap between leaving the MTC, being able to get to a grocery store, and finding local brands of foods that are safe for him. Because honestly, finding the right foods can sometimes feel like a full-time job. Even simple and common foods like pasta and tuna are very difficult to find in Matthew friendly versions. But like I said before, I’ve taught him everything he needs to know. I’ve given him some tools to help ease the search for food as living within missionary rules can make taking the time necessary for him to shop somewhat tricky, and he knows that it is going to take a lot of effort to make things run smoothly. But he’s determined to make it work. He has a great desire to be serving as a missionary and I know that as he gives it his very best effort and continues to keep moving forward with faith, he will be blessed.

As for us, all our collective blood pressures have returned to normal as a crisis has been averted. And according to Tawni, it is a good day because the brother didn’t die, and she got a job! Huzzah!

Set…

Matthew has been of two minds the past week and a half. One mind says, “Zoom stinks! Three-hour virtual classes are soooo long! I do much better in person! Get me out of this basement!!” Mind one is clearly hearkening back to the emotional trainwreck that was the Covid shutdown. On the other hand, mind two has been saying, “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuugh!!!!!!!” This morning held a pretty good amount of both minds. While he was anxious to actually get to the MTC, meet his district, and feel like he is moving forward, there was a good amount of stress happening as well. The closer we got to our departure time, the quieter and more serious he got. 

We started our morning with dessert for breakfast in the form of cinnamon swirl pancakes. An hour or so of And It Came to Pass, Matthew’s favorite card game, followed as a form of necessary distraction and some last-minute quality family time. And then it was time for the final packing and preparation to make the drive to Provo. A much-needed father’s blessing was given and then we headed south. This trip was a bit different from the ones we made with Daniel and Nathan because for those ones, it was just Kevin and me. But with Malia out of school for the summer, there was no way we were going to leave her home alone. That would have been just too hard. So, she got to experience the missionary factory for the first time. And there were a few tears shed as we drove away, both mine and Malia’s. She’s having a bit of a hard day.

As for me, I’m doing ok. It is always an emotional thing to let a child leave home for the first time. And I’m a crybaby so that means the emotions are always accompanied by a few tears. But as a mother, I’ve earned the right to feel joy and sadness at the same time as my children leave my little nest and embark on their adult lives. And I’ll admit that it’s a little harder with Matthew because of the food allergy worries. But I’ve spent the past eighteen years teaching him everything he needs to know about feeding himself safely, so now it’s time for me to trust that he has taken the lessons to heart. And I know he has.

As Matthew and I spoke last night, one of the things I told him is that while it isn’t easy to let go of the friends and relationships he has cultivated here at home, it will be easier to look forward instead of back once he is in a new location. It won’t magically make letting go simple, but it will allow him to focus more fully on what is to come. I really felt like once he got to the MTC he would feel like he has actually started his mission rather than feeling like he is still biding his time. And as we got out of the car and unloaded his luggage, that is what I saw in his face. He was ready to get moving. He was calm and full of light. And after just a few moments of hugs and final farewells, he was off. He’s one step closer to starting the work. Go forward in faith, Elder Estes. I suspect that faith will be much needed as he stares at his first MTC meal this evening.

Let me end with one somewhat related entertaining tidbit. After we dropped Matthew off, Kevin, Malia and I stopped for lunch at Raising Cane’s, one of Malia’s favorite fast food joints. As we filled our drink cups, one of the employees, a middle-aged woman who looked just a little bit frazzled, commented that we had just missed missionary Wednesday. I commented that we had just experienced missionary Wednesday ourselves and thought nothing of the it. But it seems that it was very confusing to her because a few minutes later, Kevin overheard a comment she made, wondering why in the world we wouldn’t bring our missionary with us, especially as it was their last meal and everything. It was highly entertaining because 1) eating the food at Raising Cane’s would actually kill our missionary and 2) when he is super stressed like he is today, he can’t eat. It makes him feel sick if he does. I was genuinely surprised that he managed to eat three pancakes at breakfast. So yes, while most families will eat with their missionary prior to dropping them off at the MTC, our order of operations was opposite. And it was a good reminder that when people do things that don’t make sense to us, there is usually a good reason why. We just don’t know what it is!

She Beat Him to It!

When the young women leaders in our ward announced that this week’s activity would be a tour of the MTC, the timing seemed providential. Matthew is in the middle of his home MTC time and will head to the physical MTC next week. Malia is struggling with the thought of Matthew leaving as well as being the only child left at home, and we are trying to find ways to help her work through all these changes. She has been pretty reluctant to attend the activities as of late due to the social difficulties she has encountered in this ward, so I was hoping that she would be willing to go to this one. Not only was she willing, but when asked by someone in the young women, she promptly responded in the affirmative with no coaxing on my part. And so this evening, she was off to the MTC. Which was confusing for Nathan when he happened to check in with the “Find My” app!

Malia felt like her time was well spent. She got to see the gym, the cafeteria, the murals that are part of the new addition that was built a few years ago, etc. When asked, she felt like it helped a bit to know here Matthew would be and to have a bit of an idea what his life will be like for the week he is there. I suspect that means that we will be googling a variety of locations in Arkansas and Missouri as he moves around the mission so that Malia can have a more solid idea of where he is and what he is doing. 

And now that I think about it, we used to do that exact thing years ago when Matthew was tiny and Kevin was doing a lot of traveling while he worked at Adobe. So, let’s harness the power of the internet to bring the mission a bit closer to home. Along with Matthew’s weekly video chats with the fam, maybe that will help Malia feel like he is not so very far away after all.

Ready…

When Matthew graduated, it felt like we had very little time to get him ready for his mission. But honestly, graduation feels like it is in the distant past. It has only been five weeks but in some ways, those five weeks have felt like a lifetime. Now, with all the prep time behind us, the reality of his imminent departure is staring us in the face. 

This morning Matthew attended, and sang at, one mission homecoming and one mission farewell. And then he dashed over to our church just in time to give his very own talk in preparation for beginning his mission. We had friends and family and neighbors from our old ward in attendance. The cultural hall was filled all the way to the back and the bishop actually had to announce that there were still a few seats right up front. When I saw just how big Matthew’s support system is, my heart was filled with gratitude for all these people who love my kid. And Matthew looked out at the congregation with that same sense of wonder and gratitude. He has many different groups of friends and while he has seen them all frequently, he has never gathered all of them together at once before and he was astonished by just how extensive his support group is.

After spending several hours visiting with friends and family over cookies, all Matthew friendly, of course, we headed over to the stake center to meet with the stake president. Our current stake president is a member of the very first ward we were in when we moved out here, several boundary changes ago, so he knows all of us, except for Tawni. We had an opportunity to give Matthew some counsel and advice as he begins his full-time missionary service, and then he was set apart and put on his missionary tags.

Daniel and Nathan were both set apart in the evening, but we had a different stake president then. Matthew was set apart in the afternoon which meant that once we were done at the stake center, he was able to join us for one last Sunday dinner at my folks’ house. A bunch of the cousins were in attendance this week, so Matthew was able to visit with them one last time before he is off to Arkansas. I was having a hard migraine day, so unfortunately we weren’t able to stay quite as long as I suspect Matthew would have liked, but he did have just long enough to play one round of a card game with his cousins before he left. Daniel, Tawni, and Nathan drove straight back to Logan, so they said their farewells to Matthew before we all parted ways. Because we know that we will get to talk to him on a weekly basis, the parting of ways for my boys was not terribly traumatic. But Malia is a different matter. 

I’m not sure that all of this really feels real for me yet, although I think it is definitely sinking in for Matthew. I suspect my reality moment will come when we drop him off at the MTC next week. That is usually the moment when everything hits me. But reality did come crashing down on Malia this evening. Once Matthew donned his tags, she was struck by the fact that the waiting is over and that her time with him is very short. She is not looking forward to being the lone child left at home. She gets lonely and misses her brothers and despite the fact that they sometimes bicker, as all siblings do, she and Matthew actually get along pretty well. It is going to be quiet here when he goes. And she is unhappy about being the only child on which Kevin and I can rest our focus. 

Nevertheless, the time has come, and Matthew is ready to serve. He has made his choice to serve with much faith, and I know the Lord will bless him for that. One of the things that stood out in the blessing he was given as he was set apart is that the Lord has prepared him. And He has. Matthew is ready. Ready to work, ready to grow, ready to learn, ready to teach. Ready to serve. 

Moving Forward with Faith

Matthew has a plan for the next several years. The plan starts with serving a mission as soon as possible after he graduates in June. Months ago, he had figured out to the exact day when he could open his mission papers and when he could submit them based on his date of availability, which is about five seconds after he graduates. The papers were opened in November and completed and submitted on January 7. It took the stake president about another week to review them and send them on their way, and then the waiting began.

Because of Matthew’s severe food allergies, we honestly do not know what a mission will look like for him. We have heard stories about missionaries with food allergies who have really struggled with eating safely in the mission field. And most of those have been missionaries with only one or two allergies. In fact, there is a young missionary from our ward (well, our previous ward before it was discontinued) who came home in part because of unsafe eating situations in his apartment, lack of understanding from companions, and the completely understandable unwillingness of ward members to feed the missionaries out of fear about not being able to do so safely. 

Matthew has half a dozen severe allergies to some extremely common foods, so we really have had no idea how a mission would look for him. In the past few years, both service mission and proselyting mission applications have been exactly the same and the service missionaries have become a part of the full-time missions. The opportunities available for service missionaries seem to have expanded and the church has really been trying to educate members about those opportunities and teach all of us that service missions are not lesser missions, they are just different and allow those who would not be able to serve as full time proselyting missionaries to serve in ways that fit their needs. Service missionaries live at home, and with all his food needs, we have realistically thought that might be where Matthew ends up serving.

Matthew has been a pillar of faith about the whole thing. He honestly feels like he will be called to serve wherever and however the Lord needs him and he is completely fine with whatever the Lord has planned. Having said that, he will admit that he would love to be able to go somewhere besides home to serve. But he has placed his life in the Lord’s hands. And he has been an amazing example to me of what faith looks like. Because let’s be honest. I’m totally stressed about the eating situations Matthew might encounter out in the mission field. It’s not that I don’t trust him, it’s that I don’t trust everyone else to understand and choose to be cooperative and supportive about the changes that would need to be made to normal kitchen activities, cleaning routines, and daily schedules in order for Matthew to eat and live safely. Of course, it’s likely that all I’ve heard are the times when things go wrong rather than all the times when they go right. Because let’s face it, the bad stories are the ones that get circulated. But like I said, Matthew has shown an enormous amount of faith and is going to happily serve in whatever capacity he is called to.

Although mission calls usually arrive on Tuesdays, at about 4:30 yesterday Matthew flew up the stairs and told me he was headed to the temple. I was confused because the temple is closed on Monday, but then Matthew explained that his mission call had arrived, and he was headed off to open it. He told us some time back that when his call came, he wanted to be alone on the temple grounds to open it. He needed the opportunity to get the personal revelation necessary for him to know that it was the right call for him. It’s not that he doesn’t trust the Prophet and the Lord, it’s just a desire to get that confirmation for himself. So as soon as he got the email, he headed out the door.

He came back an hour and a half later completely calm. He told Kevin and I the details of his call and shared with us the fact that he knows it is the right call for him. Then he scheduled a Facetime call with Daniel and Nathan for later last night. He shared his news with all his siblings during that call. After school today he headed up to visit both sets of Grandparents to tell them in person. And this evening, masses of friends and neighbors gathered for the big reveal. As our house was filled with people, I was struck by just how big Matthew’s support system is. He has made an impact on the lives of a surprisingly large number of people. He is in band, choir, and stage tech so his friend groups are large and varied. He was only two years old when we moved into our house, so there are neighbors and friends from the wards that have known him nearly all his life. And as I looked around, my heart was filled to overflowing with gratitude for all these people who love and support and encourage him. And it wasn’t even any of our family since he took the time to tell them separate from the large group gathering.

So now that I’ve pontificated greatly, y’all are probably urging me to actually get to the point and answer the big question. And the answer is…Arkansas Bentonville Mission speaking English. Matthew has been called to serve a full-time proselyting mission. And he is thrilled beyond all belief. His start date is July 14, so he will have five weeks after graduation to finish preparing. 

We have only known about this call since last night, but I find that my prayers have already changed. Instead of praying that Matthew will be able to serve safely, I find myself praying for the miracles we need to be able to facilitate his missionary service. And I am praying that we will be able to do our part and find the right paths that will lead us to those miracles. Because the Lord has called Matthew to serve, and He will provide a way. We just need to find it. Basically, I just need to get out of the way and let the Lord work His miracles. And open my eyes to them because they will be there. Yes, I still have concerns, but the food allergy mama in my head is surprisingly calm this evening. I guess Matthew’s faith is rubbing off on me.