Set…

Matthew has been of two minds the past week and a half. One mind says, “Zoom stinks! Three-hour virtual classes are soooo long! I do much better in person! Get me out of this basement!!” Mind one is clearly hearkening back to the emotional trainwreck that was the Covid shutdown. On the other hand, mind two has been saying, “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuugh!!!!!!!” This morning held a pretty good amount of both minds. While he was anxious to actually get to the MTC, meet his district, and feel like he is moving forward, there was a good amount of stress happening as well. The closer we got to our departure time, the quieter and more serious he got. 

We started our morning with dessert for breakfast in the form of cinnamon swirl pancakes. An hour or so of And It Came to Pass, Matthew’s favorite card game, followed as a form of necessary distraction and some last-minute quality family time. And then it was time for the final packing and preparation to make the drive to Provo. A much-needed father’s blessing was given and then we headed south. This trip was a bit different from the ones we made with Daniel and Nathan because for those ones, it was just Kevin and me. But with Malia out of school for the summer, there was no way we were going to leave her home alone. That would have been just too hard. So, she got to experience the missionary factory for the first time. And there were a few tears shed as we drove away, both mine and Malia’s. She’s having a bit of a hard day.

As for me, I’m doing ok. It is always an emotional thing to let a child leave home for the first time. And I’m a crybaby so that means the emotions are always accompanied by a few tears. But as a mother, I’ve earned the right to feel joy and sadness at the same time as my children leave my little nest and embark on their adult lives. And I’ll admit that it’s a little harder with Matthew because of the food allergy worries. But I’ve spent the past eighteen years teaching him everything he needs to know about feeding himself safely, so now it’s time for me to trust that he has taken the lessons to heart. And I know he has.

As Matthew and I spoke last night, one of the things I told him is that while it isn’t easy to let go of the friends and relationships he has cultivated here at home, it will be easier to look forward instead of back once he is in a new location. It won’t magically make letting go simple, but it will allow him to focus more fully on what is to come. I really felt like once he got to the MTC he would feel like he has actually started his mission rather than feeling like he is still biding his time. And as we got out of the car and unloaded his luggage, that is what I saw in his face. He was ready to get moving. He was calm and full of light. And after just a few moments of hugs and final farewells, he was off. He’s one step closer to starting the work. Go forward in faith, Elder Estes. I suspect that faith will be much needed as he stares at his first MTC meal this evening.

Let me end with one somewhat related entertaining tidbit. After we dropped Matthew off, Kevin, Malia and I stopped for lunch at Raising Cane’s, one of Malia’s favorite fast food joints. As we filled our drink cups, one of the employees, a middle-aged woman who looked just a little bit frazzled, commented that we had just missed missionary Wednesday. I commented that we had just experienced missionary Wednesday ourselves and thought nothing of the it. But it seems that it was very confusing to her because a few minutes later, Kevin overheard a comment she made, wondering why in the world we wouldn’t bring our missionary with us, especially as it was their last meal and everything. It was highly entertaining because 1) eating the food at Raising Cane’s would actually kill our missionary and 2) when he is super stressed like he is today, he can’t eat. It makes him feel sick if he does. I was genuinely surprised that he managed to eat three pancakes at breakfast. So yes, while most families will eat with their missionary prior to dropping them off at the MTC, our order of operations was opposite. And it was a good reminder that when people do things that don’t make sense to us, there is usually a good reason why. We just don’t know what it is!