I was in Deseret Book a few weeks ago picking up some items for Nathan. While I was there, an image caught my eye. It is one I’ve seen once or twice in the past, but it resonated with me in a much more personal way on this occasion. Most artwork about Helaman’s band of stripling warriors features just those righteous, courageous young men as they prepare to march into battle. But this one focuses on a point earlier in their story. What caught my attention was the mother of the two young men in this painting. She had lovingly trained her sons, taught them to have faith and courage, encouraged them to rely on God in all that they did, and then she had to let them leave the safe haven of home and entrust them to the Lord.
I think I have an inkling of how those faithful mothers felt as their sons marched off to defend their lives, their families, and their God. I have raised and nurtured my children, taught them about the Savior and his gospel, helped them develop a testimony of their own and encouraged them to live their lives with faith, courage, and integrity. We have our own wars in this dispensation, spiritual wars that are fought every day in every country by every follower of Christ. Like those faithful, obedient women of the past, when my children leave home, I can only pray for their safe return and trust them into the Lord’s keeping.
Today was another day of temporary parting. After many long months of anticipation and many long hours of zoom meetings over the past week, it was finally time for Nathan to head to the MTC. Home MTC has been good for a number of reasons such as getting a peek at what missionary training is like for those of us who don’t know, being able to participate in Nathan’s preparation, being included in some virtual family events, and still having Nathan here for a rousing hand of Uno or Phase 10 from time to time. However, it has also had its challenges like the previously mentioned long zoom meetings, trying to teach with companions you have never met in person, and trying to schedule companion study with a threesome of missionaries all of whom are in different time zones. For these and many other reasons, Nathan was incredibly excited to head to the MTC in person.
Matthew had jazz band at 6:30 this morning, so he said his farewells to Nathan last night. When asked on the way to school in the wee hours, he wasn’t sure how he felt yet, but I do know that he is going to miss Nathan. Over about the past year as Matthew as gotten older, his relationship with Nathan has improved. They have some similar interests and experiences in the middle school arena (stage crew, participation in the musicals) and having those commonalities and some maturity on the part of both has helped them take many steps closer to being friends rather than just brothers. Matthew will be more than halfway through high school by the time Nathan returns, so my hope is that they will be able to pick up where they left off and continue developing their relationship in positive ways.
Malia had a bit of a rough morning because she had to say goodbye to Nathan before leaving for school, but Nathan left her a bit of a parting gift. Malia has not been talking much about how she feels despite being frequently questioned by Kev and I. However, for the past several days Toothless (her favorite dragon stuffed animal) has been making her emotions known by saying that he wanted to sleep with Nathan for his last two nights at home and wishing he could fit in Nathan’s suitcase. I’m incredibly grateful that Toothless would pipe up about those emotions and I’m more than grateful that Nathan was willing to accommodate Toothless’s first request. Apparently Toothless snores and Malia thought that was hilarious. As Kevin, Nathan and made our final preparations to leave the house, Nathan left Toothless and Lilianna (one of Malia’s dolls) at the front window watching for her return. And she loved it. When she arrived home after school, she knew Nathan was thinking of her.
Kevin and I took Nathan to lunch prior to his drop off time and our mealtime was such that we ended up with about an hour to spare afterward. We were taking a leisurely drive in the vicinity of the Provo temple when Daniel started texting. As I mentioned in a previous post, Daniel is in Las Vegas this week so has been unable to join us for our final days before Nathan’s departure. We had plenty of time and it seemed Daniel was in a spot where he was available as well, so I encouraged him to call to talk to Nathan one last time, which he did. They were able to chat for a good thirty minutes. The timing working out just right was one of those tender mercies that we have been seeing in spades over the past several weeks and was a blessing for my two oldest boys. They have become quite close over the past months at USU, and I know that they will miss each other.
I didn’t shed any tears until we actually drove down into the underground parking at the MTC. Our final farewell was short, as the MTC has the drop off procedures are fined tuned to meet the needs of many arriving at the same time, but I’ll admit that there were a few tears shed. In my defense, I’m a mom whose child is leaving for two years and while I know he is doing the right thing at the right time and he is ready, willing, and excited to get going in this great work, it’s still an emotional thing for a mom. However, the sadness at our temporary parting is greatly tempered by the fact that we will get to talk via video chat weekly. It’s not the same as in person, but it’s a vast improvement over the twice a year phone calls of years past.
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It is hard. Some days are harder than others, and the days when my children leave are some of the hardest thus far. However, I also know that motherhood is an eternal role. No matter how far away their lives may take them and no matter how long it is until they return, they will always be my children. That is the big prize at the end of the eternal race: eternal life with my eternal family. That reminder is one of the things that keeps me going on hard days, days like today. I am so proud of Nathan’s desire to serve the Lord. I know he is in the very best of hands. I hope that this time away from us will be to his eternal benefit and the eternal benefit of those he may teach.
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