The Eensie Sweetie Spider

I hate spiders. And when I say hate, I mean really, really hate them. I grew up in a basement bedroom and there were spiders galore, but that is not where the hate originated. As a kid, they didn’t bother me all that much. But when I was in high school, I went to see a movie with some friends. I didn’t ask what movie we were seeing as I was focused more on the social aspects of the evening and didn’t really care what the movie was. I knew my friends’ standards were the same as mine and that we wouldn’t end up in some kind of an X-rated porno film. That is how I ended up sitting through “Arachnophobia” at our local dollar theater. Having grown up in the previously mentioned spider infested basement meant I didn’t have too many concerns at the get-go, but what I did not know was that the movie contained a scene where a spider crawled right into a guy’s ear and then proceeded to eat his brain or whatever super creepy death spiders do inside your head. And I have serious problems with stuff crawling inside my ears. That particular phobia started with the original “Wrath of Khan” movie, one that I still can’t watch. That movie led to a lifelong abhorrence of earwigs and watching a spider pull a Khan maneuver just totally messed me up. 

Let me illustrate by telling you several stories. After I graduated from college, I moved back into my parents’ house for a time. One of those basement bedrooms became my domain and it still contained a large spider population. One night I came home and found a huge spider on the wall in my room. And when I say huge, I mean humongous. Yes, I know Utah spiders aren’t really all that big, but to someone with a serious aversion to the creepy crawlers, it was gargantuan. I knew I had to kill the thing or I would lie awake all night worried that it was about to crawl in my ear, but killing spiders was also super high up on my ick scale. I can’t just grab a Kleenex and squish them like a normal person because you can feel them squish and that is disgusting. So, I went looking for a weapon. A shoe with a big chunky heel seemed just the ticket, but I knew that if I used one of my shoes as a spider killer, I would always know there had been spider guts on the shoe and would get the heebie jeebies every time I wore it. Yes, I know I’m neurotic, but it was an honest concern because I know how my brain works. My sister Rachael was not home at the time, and I knew she had a pair of chunky heels identical to my own, so I slipped over to her bedroom which was conveniently located right next to mine and borrowed a shoe. I used Rachael’s shoe to aggressively smash that eight-legged beast and it was so big that I heard it pop. Loud. Eww. And double eww. It seriously made my skin crawl. When the task was completed and the shoe cleaned and returned, I was able to sleep. I didn’t tell Rachael about the whole thing for at least a decade. Luckily for me, she was amused when she finally found out. And she asked which shoe I had used. 😂

Once Kevin and I got married, he became my built-in spider killer. If I discovered a spider in our apartment when he wasn’t home, I would just put a cup over the top of it so that I would know it couldn’t crawl away and slip into my ear at some point. One time I covered a spider with a cup and by the time Kevin came home, the spider was gone. After that, the cup was the first line of defense and a book on top of the cup to weigh it down so the spider couldn’t slip out due to the pile of the carpet became my standard tagging method. I suspect that you are either rolling your eyes or laughing your heads off at my insanity at this point, but it was seriously a mental health issue. Once located, I really couldn’t just release a spider back into the wilds of my living room. Nowadays I just grab the vacuum cleaner and suck the little creepers up, but that had not occurred to me at that point.

Now that you know the origin and extent of my spider loathing, you might ask why I would make a spider themed treat. Honestly? I was looking for a Halloween themed excuse to try a new cookie cake recipe. A simple spiderweb on a round dessert was just the ticket. And maybe eating a spider made of Skittles felt like a little bit of revenge for years of spider induced shivers. Who knows. 😉 Either way, this oatmeal raisin cookie cake with a cinnamon royal icing web was another winner. It was thick and chewy and delicious. Seriously, if you haven’t tried a cookie cake yet, you should give it a try. It just might change your cookie eating habits.