Called to Serve…For Now

With the world in commotion, one of the adjustments that has been made by Daniel’s mission president is that the missionaries are allowed to call home twice a week and those with health concerns can send a daily text updating their parents on how they are doing. As such, Daniel has messaged Kevin and I nearly every day this past week and I’m really grateful he has been able to do so because he’s been kind of freaking out about possibly coming home. It has been extremely stressful for him and being able to communicate with us has been good for his state of mind.

Daniel called this morning and about five minutes into the chat (we video chat via Skype), he got a phone call from the mission president’s wife. He ducked out for a minute and when he came back, he was visibly calmer. He gets to stay for now and he is so glad. We are glad. Yes, I do have worries about him, but I’m his mom and I had worries before Coronavirus crept into our vocabulary so that’s nothing new. And he will be on the mission nurse’s high priority watch list so that gives me a measure of reassurance. We know that there have already been several missionaries sent home due to health concerns, a dozen will be released next week at their 21-month mark, and there are at least three who will hit that same milestone in early May. With so many being sent home early, Daniel was really worried that he would join their ranks. He has learned so much already. He is a different person after just six months in the field. There is so much more work he wants to do and so much more that he wants to see and experience. He knows very realistically that he will probably not serve a full two years. With the way the world is right now, it seems to be a fact of missionary life. But for now, he gets to stay and hopefully he will see every day that he has in Oregon as a gift from the Lord.

During the course of our conversation, Daniel told me that he has spent a lot of time reviewing the notes I took when he was set apart. The stake president handed me a pen and paper before he started, and I typed it all up so Daniel could take it with him. Although I’m the one who did that work, I didn’t remember much of what was said because they were blessings for Daniel and I’m not the one who needed to keep them in mind. Or so I thought. Daniel reminded me that he was blessed that sickness would not prevent him from doing the work. At the time, that wasn’t a big deal. But in the midst of a pandemic, it’s huge.

So I still have a full time missionary. He is currently mostly quarantined and trying to figure out how to do the work of salvation digitally, but that’s ok. The Lord will provide what these valiant young men and women need in order for his work to progress. And he will bless all of them for the work they have given, even if is for a shorter time period than they had anticipated. feel so honored to have a child who has willingly chosen to serve and wants to serve so much that the thought of coming home early was keeping him up at night.

On the Bright Side…

Homeschooling is delicious when the assignment is food-styling crepes.

And it doubles as a bit more emotional eating. 😉

We Shall Not Be Moved

Late last night we got a text from Daniel telling us that he had just forwarded some very important information from the mission president. This is the second week in a row that we’ve gotten an unexpected message from him when it was not his P-day. And I could tell, even via text, that Daniel was kind of freaking out. Call it the mom vibe or the Spirit or both, but all was not well in Oregon. After reading the email, the reason for his heightened stress and anxiety became clear. The mission president and his wife have been directed to send a report to Salt Lake concerning all missionaries in their mission who have chronic health problems. With the threat of COVID-19 looming over everyone’s heads, the brethren are sending many at risk missionaries home. Because of his asthma, Daniel falls into that category. Kevin and I both communicated with him at length to try to help him calm down and as requested, I immediately sent an email to the mission president’s wife, giving her information about Daniel’s health. Let me tell you, even the written word can carry the Spirit, and it did just that as we communicated with Daniel last night. He was able to calm down and find a bit of peace.

This morning we got another email, this one directly from the mission president, and were informed that any missionaries under consideration for early release would be getting a phone call from the mission president’s wife. She did call and talk to me and she had clearly talked with Daniel before that. He had expressed his desire to stay in the field and serve. Kevin and I feel like his asthma is very mild and don’t feel that it necessitates and early release, but we also all know that these are not normal times and that whatever the Lord directs him to do will be for his good. The decision lies in the hands of the brethren as directed by the Lord. And we will all do what is asked of us.

Having said that, Daniel does not want to come home. He hits the six-month mark next week, so he is still very new in the field. He has a strong desire to be a missionary and has found the many restrictions that have come in the past few weeks very frustrating because it is so much harder to share the gospel. He has only been in one city. And he has so much more that he wants to offer and so much more work he wants to do. If he ends up being sent home, he will humbly obey and knows that the Lord will put him where he is needed, but there will be mountains of disappointment and discouragement. Daniel hasn’t said those things, but I know him well enough to know that it will be so. And knowing that makes it so hard as his mother to see circumstances spiraling out of our control. But I do know that while things may be out of our control, they are eternally under the Lord’s control.

I also know that there are many families and many faithful missionaries in the exact same situation. We, on a worldwide scale, are being tested and if we are all going to make it through, we need to pull together as a church, as a stake, as a ward, as a family, as brothers and sisters in the gospel as we all try to keep up with the frantically increasing pace of these last days.

“And in that day shall be heard of wars and rumors of wars, and the whole earth shall be in commotion, and men’s hearts shall fail them, and they shall say that Christ delayeth his coming until the end of the earth. . . But my disciples shall stand in holy places, and shall not be moved.” (D&C 45:26, 32)

Right now, those holy places are found in our homes and our hearts. Nathan’s posting of optimistic and uplifting messages is making a holy place on Instagram. The support, ministering and lifting of spirits the ladies in my ward are sending to one another is making a holy place in text messages. The gospel-based conversations I have had with my family as we weather this storm together create a holy place in our living room. The phone calls from neighbors offering encouragement and support create a holy place in my neighborhood. Our faithful, heartfelt pleas to the Lord in behalf of those we love allow holy places to blossom in our hearts. When we choose joy and hope rather than allowing fear and despair to flourish, we are inviting holy places into our lives. Although we are all physically separated from one another, we can create holy places wherever and whenever we choose to do so. We can all get through this if we choose to stand in holy places and not be moved.

Bring It On

COVID-19. Social distancing. School at home. Store closures. Shortages of goods. Why don’t we just go ahead and add earthquakes to the mix? Life if definitely interesting right now.

To add some additional crazy to an already intense situation, just after 7:00 this morning there was a 5.7 magnitude earthquake not too far to the north of us. Matthew and Malia freaked out, Nathan just laughed and honestly, I just stood there and thought, “Really? Is this really happening?” Yes, I know that is not supposed to be my first reaction to an earthquake. I’m supposed to duck and cover and all that to preserve my own safety and then ensure the safety of my family. But In all reality, everything has begun to feel a bit surreal. Stress and lack of sleep have led to me walking around the house all day in a stress induced haze. Concentration was not happening, and I could not settle to a task. This afternoon brought several aftershocks strong enough for us to feel (4.6 and 4.4) and it did not help matters. We were far enough away that there was no damage in our immediate area, but still, it was a highly stressful day. Enough stress, in fact, that I had to resort to some stress baking, and thus, some stress eating. The cookies were delicious and while they in no way made a world a better place, they did actually help my brain become a calmer place. Yes, I’m an emotional eater. Most of the time I avoid it because I’m aware of the tendency, but with a pandemic and an earthquake upending my life in the space of less than a week, I really felt like some sugar was in order. And I couched it in a selfless act by simply doubling a recipe I had been intending to bake to send to Daniel. 😉

On the bright side, the ladies in my ward have really stepped up their ministering. It has made me emotional on more than one occasion today as I got responses from so many sisters in my ward about how people are doing. They are reaching out to each other and creating a web of caring and concern that is precisely what I believe the Lord had in mind with the ministering program.

I’m sure there will be more stress baking in the near future. With the changes we are seeing each and every day, I fully expect things to get worse before they get better. But I know that I am not alone and that I will be able to stand strong with those I love at my side. Oh, and if you find yourself in need of a good stress baking option, I have a delightful orange creamsicle cookie recipe.

Reality Sets In

Social distancing officially began three days ago, but with all the errands that have been necessary in the past few days, life kind of felt like business as usual for us. Today was the first day when we were all home when we wouldn’t normally have been, doing things we wouldn’t normally be do at home. We held our own little version of church, including the sacrament. Partway through the morning, I got an email letting me know that rehearsal for the general conference choir had been cancelled. As of now we are still planning to sing for conference but will do so with half the number of rehearsals originally scheduled. While it was in no way unexpected, it was a disappointment. There was no ward choir practice either and no presidency meetings for Nathan and Matthew. Our traditional big family dinner at my parent’s house was also cancelled. And with all those changes, the weight of the situation in which we find ourselves settled on my shoulders.

All of us have things that we will not be able to do as a result of the insane circumstances in which we find ourselves. There have been, and I’m sure will continue to be, cancellations of all kinds. We will be separated from those with whom we would normally associate. There will be disappointments of all kinds. And I suspect there will be an emotional toll as well. And yet, it feels like the Lord has been preparing us for this exact situation. We’ve had just over a year learning how to have church at home with the “Come, Follow Me” program. We’ve had a couple of years of ministering, which is the main way that the leadership in my ward is reaching out to all the members of the ward, making sure needs are met, making sure no one is completely cut off from others and helping lift spirits. The move to sharing most ward and stake announcements via email has given us a previously established method for getting information out to everyone. The new children and youth program is helping us meet the various needs of our young ones with the focus on family involvement. So although things are definitely not normal, I can’t help but feel that we’ve been given the tools we need to survive, and possibly even thrive, in these uncommon days, these last days.

The Eye of the Storm

Over the past several days, I’ve kind of been the mind of reason in our house. In all honesty, that is not my usual job. I’m usually the one keeping a calm face on to prevent our kids from freaking out any more than they already are, and then being overwhelmed by anxiety when their backs are turned. With that in mind, I’ve spent a good deal of time ruminating about why I’m so at peace.

Kevin and I were able to go to the temple last night. He scheduled a family sealing session several weeks ago because his sister had a bunch of family names that needed sealings. I feel like it was a blessing that all our schedules happened to align and that we were able to get one last temple trip in before the temples close for proxy ordinances on Monday. We don’t know how long any of the current closures will last so I’m very grateful we were able to go. As we walked around in the temple, we could hear the wind wailing through the ventilated elevator shafts. The halls were still peaceful and in the ordinance rooms it was still quiet, but the sound of the wind in opposition to the peace in the temple made me feel like I was in the eye of the storm. That thought led me to the idea that the world is very much in turmoil and while we won’t be able to attend the temple for an undermined amount of time, our homes can and should be that same peaceful refuge from a world in commotion. Kevin, noticing the same opposition as I did, had two hymns come to his mind: “Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me” and “Master, the Tempest is Raging.” He felt like both of those hymns express very well how our children are feeling in our current circumstances. Things are out of our control and there is fear and anxiety about what may happen, but if we turn to our Savior, if we lean on him and trust in him, he will guide us through whatever is coming.

As we drove home, I had another thought. There will be a multicultural choir singing for the Saturday evening session of General Conference in a few weeks. The church started accepting applications in January and I applied, as did my sisters Rachael and Esther. I was invited to participate and while I’m super excited about that, the fly in the ointment was the fact that neither of my sisters were. Over 6300 applications were received, so obviously, choosing who would participate was a difficult process. On the evening of our first rehearsal, those who were involved with organizing the choir and choosing the participants told us that the Spirit was key in making all those decisions. Those of us who were invited to sing were there for the reason. The organizers didn’t know, and we might not even know, but each of us was supposed to participate. We were also told that we and our families would be blessed for our service in the choir.

As I thought on that, I think this uncharacteristic calm I’m feeling is one of those blessings. When it was announced earlier this week that general conference would be closed to the general public, we got an email from the choir organizers letting us know that the music is very important to the general authorities and that we would still be singing. When the governor banned group gatherings of more than 100 (there are 364 people in the choir) I thought that might be the death knell of the choir. But it was not long before we got another email informing us that “the First Presidency is very much still planning on having us sing live for conference.” (It was in bold, just like that.) There will need to be some adjustments made to our rehearsal schedule, but the choir is still a go. They also told us that if we are nervous about attending rehearsals with groups of people that we can contact the organizers and they will work something out, but honestly, if the prophet says we are still singing, that is good enough for me. I trust that he has our best interest in mind and since he has a pretty direct line to the highest authority, I trust that my health and well-being will be taken care of as far as choir participation goes.

I think that sense of calm trust in our prophet has translated into my life as a whole as a blessing of my willingness to sing in the choir. I don’t know how long it will last. Hopefully it will continue for the duration, but I’m pretty neurotic sometimes so we’ll see. And as for conference, it will most definitely be a general conference unlike any I’ve experienced before. And I’m not worried about where to park anymore. 😉

The World Has Gone Crazy and I’m Just Along for the Ride

You would have to be pretty much dead not to have an idea of what is going on around the world with COVID-19. It has been headlining the news for weeks now. And while we would like to feel like we are unaffected her in our little mountain valley, in our interconnected world, no one is unaffected. That became abundantly clear yesterday when our governor held a press conference instituting “social distancing” in order to keep the spread of the virus from overwhelming our communities. Today’s announcement that all public schools will close for at least two weeks only added to the general hysteria.

It just so happens that Thursday is my regular shopping day so that it what I was doing yesterday morning. And as the morning wore on, the scene became more and more frantic. People were freaking out. The shelves were emptying faster than they can be restocked. The poor, harried store employees were doing the best they can to deal with frantic customers who are freaking out because there is no more toilet paper, milk, eggs, or flour to be had. And as for me? It was a normal shopping day. I was getting normal stuff, although some of it in greater quantities than normal, not because I’m panicking, but because so many others are that I’m concerned that I won’t be able to get what my family needs in coming weeks. All in all, it was most definitely not a normal day.

Today there was more of the same. I ran to the store first thing to try to pick up a couple of items I was unable to find yesterday (and luckily was able to do so) and even early in the morning when the grocery stores are normally very quiet, there was a manic energy flowing through the entire establishment. I can honestly say that I was glad to get what I needed and get out of there.

My kids are worried, stressed and disappointed. They feel like their lives have come to a screeching halt. Both Nathan and Matthew have been rehearsing for shows with performance dates that are now in a limbo. The middle school teacher has assured Matthew and his cast that they will perform even if they need to do it in July. Nathan’s cast has no such reassurance as of yet. Nathan’s choir tour was set to happen in a couple of weeks and that has been cancelled. Due to cancellation policies and such, we don’t even know if they will be able to get any of their money returned. (Although to be honest, I feel much better about keeping him closer to home right now. The thought of sending him to Disneyland was making me nervous.) Matthew had a concert scheduled for Monday evening and he was super excited because, as one of only two seventh graders in the jazz band, he had a solo. Now that is off as well. And while Malia is currently off-track, she is very concerned about what school at home will be like when she goes back on-track in a week and is worried that she won’t be able to understand any new material because she won’t be able to ask her teacher questions and get them answered right away. I’ve tried to reassure her that I am not only skilled, but trained, to do just that, but since she has only ever known me as “Mom,” I don’t think she can see me wearing the “Teacher” hat yet.

Late last night we got a Skype message from Daniel telling us that his mission president had directed them to immediately forward some important info to all their parents. The info contained all the measures the mission is taking to ensure the health and safety of our missionaries. I don’t really know how Daniel’s state of mind is right now as the email from him was very brief since it was not an actual P-day, but we’ll talk to him on Monday and will get a much better idea of how is dealing with all this.

We are all treading in new territory here. This is something none of us has experienced before. And to be completely honest, I’m actually pretty calm. No, that is not my normal reaction to things like this, but right now my only worry is that we might run out of toilet paper since it is very hard to come by just now. But even that is not overwhelming. We are creative. We can come up with solutions if things remain crazy longer than our current supply holds out. I think I’m beginning to get an idea of the seriousness of the situation, but even so, I’m not having a total panic attack. I think my family and I are going to be ok. So I feel a like bit like I’m standing in the midst of a big insanity party and just not feeling the vibe…and maybe that’s what faith is. Knowing the world is a mess and being prepared, proactive, and yet being able to maintain an overall sense of calm and know that in the ultimate end, everything will be alright.

An Oldie but Goodie

Malia is off-track right now. Since she is the only one and I’m no longer hard pressed to keep 3-4 children entertained for three weeks, sometimes I don’t think about doing all the fun things I used to do to keep the boys from tearing the house (and each other) apart. A couple of days ago Malia found a bottle of white glue and asked if we could make slime. It was a busy day for me, and I didn’t have time, but I promised we would do it and today was the day. I helped her get things mixed up and then she let her creativity run wild.

She spent a couple of hours sitting at the counter enjoying her non-Newtonian fluid. It was a cheap afternoon of entertainment. 😊