A Couple of Unrelated Thoughts

Thought #1: In church on Sunday, we had a combined Relief Society/Elder’s Quorum lesson taught by the Temple/Family History committee. At the end, the bishop shared his testimony and said something I found very profound. He said, “The temple recommend interview is the Celestial Kingdom interview.” I have never heard it put that way before. The comment caught my attention and made me feel so hopeful. We are all enormously imperfect and often I feel like I’m so far away from being the person I need to be to gain salvation that I get discouraged. (Yup. It’s one of those three D’s we just heard about in General Conference. The adversary definitely knows how to get to us.) But the thought that because I’m worthy to enter the temple, I’m worthy of the Celestial Kingdom makes me feel like maybe I’m doing all right. We’re all lacking in the area of perfection, but because of the Savior’s atonement, we don’t actually have to be perfect to be worthy.

Thought #2: In the course of my scripture study this morning, I ended up reading “Grateful in Any Circumstances” by Dieter F. Uchtdorf. It is a talk I have previously read on multiple occasions, but a different part stuck out to me today. Since Daniel entered the MTC, there is a thought that keeps playing through my mind: things will never be the same. There will never be another time when all my children are living at home full time. One stage of our lives has ended and although I’m so proud of Daniel and know not only that he is in the right place, but that I wouldn’t want it any other way, it is still a little bittersweet to think that my little brood is beginning to leave the nest. Elder Uchtdorf said:

“In light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.

Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.

The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions—temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.”

I know that he was talking about the endings that come when loved ones pass away, but I found it to be applicable to other endings as well. I have reached the end of the time when all my children are young and living at home. In the next few years, more of my children will leave and I know myself well enough to know I will have mixed feelings as each one flies away. But these are only interruptions, ones that will have brief endings on holidays and vacations. More importantly, because of the gospel and the promises associated with the covenants we make in the temple, there will be even greater, more joyful future reunions, ones that will never end.

So yes, there are moments when I’m a little blue. But putting things in the proper perspective reminds me that these endings are temporary and that there are great blessings to come, times of glorious familial associations. And as a mom of a new missionary, one who is headed to his field of service tomorrow morning, he is spending these two years away from home so that other people can know about and look forward to these amazing future reunions as well.

Historic Times

Let’s talk a little bit about general conference. In the last couple of years, there have been a variety of procedural changes in the church. By now, we should all know that when Pres. Nelson uses the word “adjustment,” we should all brace ourselves for more changes. There were more changes this weekend, changes to the organization of the young men and young women programs. Nathan has been struggling with the way our priests’ quorum has been running of late, and the feeling I have is that these newest changes will be good. There may be some growing pains as everyone tries to put the changes in place, but I honestly think it will be good. The “Come Follow Me” program has been so good for my family. We’ve had to try a variety of different approaches to find what works for us, but overall, I feel like it has been beneficial for us. We’re talking about the gospel more frequently. We’re studying and learning together more frequently. We’re letting the gospel be a part of our day to day lives and conversations more frequently. And I think the new youth programs will do the same thing.

There have been a variety of changes for women as well. Last year, the general women’s meeting became a part of general conference weekend for the first time. Earlier this week, the church announced changes to who can be a witness for saving ordinances and women and girls will now be able to stand as witnesses. And last night, for the first time, new temples were announced during the women’s session. I was sitting in a stake center in Taylorsville when it was announced that a temple would be built in Taylorsville. Let me tell you, it was powerful to sit there amongst that group of women who were so filled with gratitude and joy that the room felt electric. I don’t even live in that city, but it was powerful for me as well. And I’m so enormously pleased for my folks and Kevin’s folks who do live in Taylorsville.

This was Malia’s very first women’s session and besides dinner and doughnuts with the cousins, aunties and both of her grandmothers, I hope she’ll remember the Spirit, the prophet telling us how important women are in the gospel, and the excitement and gratitude associated with temples. I know a lot of the doctrinal talk went over her head, but she was enormously excited to be able to attend the meeting (she wanted to sit on the very front row!) and I hope that her excitement and zeal for the gospel will continue. And as her mother, I hope that I can feed her spirit and her mind as she continues to learn and grow.

I came away from Saturday’s meetings with two general impressions. First, the youth are the future of the church. They will be the ones ushering in a millennial age and they need to be prepared. They need to be strengthened to meet the great challenges that stand before them. The Lord knows this and is helping us prepare them by providing us with programs in the church and in the home that will help them learn to receive personal revelation and lead to their continuing conversion.

My second impression concerns the women of the church. I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again, but I’ve never felt marginalized, belittled or lesser being a woman in the church. But I know there are women that do, and I think the Lord is trying to help all of us realize that we are not secondary to the men in the gospel. I think he’s trying to help the women of the church more fully understand their place and importance in the church, their role in the last days, how the power of the priesthood is available to us and applicable in our lives and to encourage us to rise up and become the great force for good that the Lord needs us to be. I’m currently serving in the relief society presidency and I think it has made me more aware of the needs of the sisters around me and I feel strongly that as women, we need to “do better and be better.” (quoting Pres. Nelson here) We have a great work to do and much to contribute to the progression of the gospel.

All this makes me feel like we are living in historic times, times that future saints will look back on as a changing point in the church, the age that helped prepare the church and the saints to usher in the prophesied days of the second coming. So what does this mean for me? For my family? We need to make our own personal adjustments, adjustments that will lead us to embrace these changes wholeheartedly. I know that if we do, we will be blessed.

Onomatopoeia

“Pop” is a word that is often used in terms of unfortunate things. Balloons pop. Bubbles pop. Tires pop. But it can also have positive associations. Bubble wrap, for instance. I mean, who hasn’t found popping a nice sheet of bubble wrap therapeutic at some point in their lives?  Popcorn is another perky popping sound. And those crazy air pillows that Amazon.com uses? Stomp on one of those if you are ever feeling a bit glum. They pop in an enormously gratifying way. There are various other entertaining versions of popping, but my very favorite kind of “pop” is the one associated with these little beauties.

Today’s contribution to the “pops” of the world is forty-four pints of homemade applesauce. Delicious!

No Laundry? No Problem!

One of the last things Daniel did before he left was clean out his dresser. He sorted clothes into two bags: one destined for the D.I. and one to go into storage. In order to make sure everything was nice and clean before storing it for two years, Kevin washed all the t-shirts in the “to keep” bag. We always thought Daniel just wore the same assortment of shirts all the time. After all, we saw the same ones every week. What we discovered told a different story. Daniel had 45 t-shirts in that bag, far more than we expected seeing as we saw the same small assortment every week. But he had duplicates of many of his band shirts, as many as four identical ones. So I guess he really was rotating through his shirts. And the big pile also explains why he was never overly stressed when he forgot to do his laundry. He had enough shirts to go for over six weeks between loads.😂

Game Changer

When it was announced earlier this year that missionaries would be allowed to call home once a week, I was openly pleased and secretly relieved. I knew this would be a game changer for us. Instead of sending Daniel off and having only written contact (except for the Christmas and Mother’s Day phone calls), we would be able to talk to him regularly. In talking to Daniel about it, he was openly relieved. Being isolated from his family for two years brought a large amount of anxiety and knowing that he would be able to talk to us more regularly was a comfort.

We got to talk to Daniel yesterday and it was, indeed, a game changer. I’m a worrier by nature so of course I’ve been all stressed out for the past week. My stress level eased considerably after a lengthy video chat with Daniel. Words can be deceptive, but as his mother, I can read his face pretty darn well. And he’s happy, full of light, feeling comfortable with his companion and his district and adjusting well to the MTC. He is learning tons. He gave us the “trying to catch the output of a firehose with a Dixie cup” analogy. He also said that every time he learns something amazing his first reaction is wanting to share it with us…but he can’t. I guess that having an 18-year-old who really wants to talk to his parents means we’ve done something right. He’s taking lots of notes, journaling his impressions and thoughts and learning as much as he can. Meeting elders from all over the U.S. and talking to them about what their lives are like has made him realize just how sheltered, and just how blessed, we are to live here. In the weeks leading up to his mission, he went to the temple frequently, sometimes three or four times a week. His companion lived an hour away from a temple, pretty close in relation to the world as a whole, but not close enough to be able to go on a whim. And while Daniel has four or five non-members in his contact list of about 65 people, his companion has four or five members in his similarly sized contact list. He already loves the people he is with which, in my opinion, is vital to becoming a successful missionary. Love is the driving force behind wanting to teach people about the gospel.

Daniel is doing well. I know that challenges and struggles are inevitable, and they will help him learn and grow, but for now, he’s at peace. And seeing that he is at peace, hearing him talk with enthusiasm and the Spirit, brings me peace as well.

She Did the Math

This evening I told Malia that it would just be the two of us home tomorrow morning. She asked where Kevin, Matthew and Nathan would be, and I explained their various morning adventures. Then she said, “And Daniel’s still on his mission. Tomorrow it will be day four. That means he will have 726 days left.”

I’m equal parts proud of her mad math skills and touched at how much he is in her mind. She put a note to him in today’s mail. I’m the mom and if I’m not careful, she’s going to make me look bad. Guess I’d better get my act together and get something ready to send. It should probably be some taco seasoning packets. As we’ve talked about simple meals Daniel can cook, he asked about the spices we use to season tacos. I make my own taco seasoning because not only is it much cheaper, but taco seasoning often has milk in it which doesn’t work for Matthew. My kiddo, who has grown up in a “cooked from scratch” household, is about to get a crash course in prepared foods.😜

Musings of a Mother

As parents, we put considerable time, money and effort into raising our children and hope that our investment will result in them being well adjusted, responsible adults. So why, after all that effort, do we struggle to let them go? We should be glad they are capable of sustaining their own lives without us hovering over them. But of course, things are not that simple. Over all those years, we not only grow to love them (that part is the easy part and is pretty instantaneous), but they become an important part of who we are. Their every breath shapes their parents as much as it shapes them. Their failures and successes are indelibly imprinted on our minds. And who they have become, for better or worse, is written on our hearts. Being a parent changes us like nothing else can. Indeed, motherhood is not for the faint of heart.

Today I let the first of my four children go and it was hard. I actually like who my children have become. Yes, sometimes they make me completely crazy (not like that is a long trip, but I’m all about the honesty here today), but for the most part, I like them. I enjoy their company. I’m proud of the people they are becoming. They are a big, enormous, giant part of my life. And (again with the honesty) I cried. I admit it. I did ok until we got out of the car and there was a missionary host waiting for us with a handshake and a giant smile. Then things got very real, hence the waterworks. But Daniel was ready, excited, antsy even. He is prepared. And he’s going for the right reasons.

On the way home, I was comparing this first day to some other first days, the first day of kindergarten in particular. Although I was teary today, I was most definitely not teary when I put Daniel on the bus for that first day of kindergarten. I was happy because he was so ready. He had aced preschool and was ready for more learning. And with Nathan being right smack in the middle of his terrible toddler phase (of all my children, he is the one whose personality is the least like he was as a toddler), it was actually a relief to be able to do the grocery shopping with only one child. And Matthew was well on his way by then which meant that my days of having a hand to grab each one of my children were soon to be over, so kindergarten was a blessing for both of us, hence the happiness.

My tune changed a bit when the bus drove back up the street two hours later. At that time, the school we were attending picked up the kindergarteners at the bus stop before school and dropped off each kindergartener at his or her home afterward. I was waiting by the curb when the bus pulled up, but when the doors opened, no one came out. I waited…and then the bus driver told me that she didn’t know where Daniel was. The driver called the school to see if he was there, but unfortunately, he was not. Then the school started the search and called the police.

Remember how I said before that motherhood was not for the faint of heart? This was undeniably one of those moments. But to my credit, I did not completely flip out. And I’m still about the honesty today so trust me, I did, in fact, stay fairly calm. About ten minutes after the school cranked things into high mode, I got a phone call from a sister in my ward who lived in the circle where the morning bus stop was located and told me that she had Daniel. She was on her way out, so she dropped him at home where I was still waiting. A few minutes later, the police called to see if he had been found and gratefully, I was able to say yes.

After all the drama was over and I was talking to another mother of a kindergartener who also did not show up at the right location after school (although he was easy to find since he was still on the bus), we were able to piece together what had happened. To start things off, I think I neglected to tell Daniel that he would be dropped off at our house. My bad. Blame it on pregnancy brain. When the bus driver stopped at each house, she would call the name of the appropriate child to let them know it was their turn to get off the bus. One little boy happened to live in the circle where the bus stop was located. His name was Nathaniel, but no one called him that. He was known by all as Nate. So when his name was called, he didn’t recognize it and on a noisy school bus, “Nathaniel” sounds an awful lot like “Daniel.” And it made perfect sense for Daniel to exit the bus there since that was where he got on in the morning. Luckily for all involved, both lost boys were found quickly and with minimal drama. But is does make a great first day of school story!

So that is where my brain has been, thinking back on Daniel’s life journey thus far and some of his other firsts. As with everyone, there has been good and bad, and both have helped shape him into the young man he is now. There will be many more life shaping experiences for him in the future. If he continues as he has started, he will take the good and the bad, learn from them, and then continue moving forward. Two years is much longer than two hours, but I think the first day of his mission will end up being even more successful than his first day of kindergarten. And hopefully he won’t get lost on the way home.

(Almost) All is in Readiness

The shopping is done. The hair is cut. The luggage is packed. The setting apart has occurred. The missionary is ready. I’m not sure about the mama.

As of this evening, I’m officially the mother of a full-time missionary and although I’m not sure I’m ready to send my firstborn away for two years, I know he is going to the right place at the right time. I know there will be hard days (for all of us), but as of right now, I’m at peace. The Lord knows what he is doing when he sends these 18-year-olds out into the world. I just need to remember that and trust that he will watch over my son.