Musings of a Mother

As parents, we put considerable time, money and effort into raising our children and hope that our investment will result in them being well adjusted, responsible adults. So why, after all that effort, do we struggle to let them go? We should be glad they are capable of sustaining their own lives without us hovering over them. But of course, things are not that simple. Over all those years, we not only grow to love them (that part is the easy part and is pretty instantaneous), but they become an important part of who we are. Their every breath shapes their parents as much as it shapes them. Their failures and successes are indelibly imprinted on our minds. And who they have become, for better or worse, is written on our hearts. Being a parent changes us like nothing else can. Indeed, motherhood is not for the faint of heart.

Today I let the first of my four children go and it was hard. I actually like who my children have become. Yes, sometimes they make me completely crazy (not like that is a long trip, but I’m all about the honesty here today), but for the most part, I like them. I enjoy their company. I’m proud of the people they are becoming. They are a big, enormous, giant part of my life. And (again with the honesty) I cried. I admit it. I did ok until we got out of the car and there was a missionary host waiting for us with a handshake and a giant smile. Then things got very real, hence the waterworks. But Daniel was ready, excited, antsy even. He is prepared. And he’s going for the right reasons.

On the way home, I was comparing this first day to some other first days, the first day of kindergarten in particular. Although I was teary today, I was most definitely not teary when I put Daniel on the bus for that first day of kindergarten. I was happy because he was so ready. He had aced preschool and was ready for more learning. And with Nathan being right smack in the middle of his terrible toddler phase (of all my children, he is the one whose personality is the least like he was as a toddler), it was actually a relief to be able to do the grocery shopping with only one child. And Matthew was well on his way by then which meant that my days of having a hand to grab each one of my children were soon to be over, so kindergarten was a blessing for both of us, hence the happiness.

My tune changed a bit when the bus drove back up the street two hours later. At that time, the school we were attending picked up the kindergarteners at the bus stop before school and dropped off each kindergartener at his or her home afterward. I was waiting by the curb when the bus pulled up, but when the doors opened, no one came out. I waited…and then the bus driver told me that she didn’t know where Daniel was. The driver called the school to see if he was there, but unfortunately, he was not. Then the school started the search and called the police.

Remember how I said before that motherhood was not for the faint of heart? This was undeniably one of those moments. But to my credit, I did not completely flip out. And I’m still about the honesty today so trust me, I did, in fact, stay fairly calm. About ten minutes after the school cranked things into high mode, I got a phone call from a sister in my ward who lived in the circle where the morning bus stop was located and told me that she had Daniel. She was on her way out, so she dropped him at home where I was still waiting. A few minutes later, the police called to see if he had been found and gratefully, I was able to say yes.

After all the drama was over and I was talking to another mother of a kindergartener who also did not show up at the right location after school (although he was easy to find since he was still on the bus), we were able to piece together what had happened. To start things off, I think I neglected to tell Daniel that he would be dropped off at our house. My bad. Blame it on pregnancy brain. When the bus driver stopped at each house, she would call the name of the appropriate child to let them know it was their turn to get off the bus. One little boy happened to live in the circle where the bus stop was located. His name was Nathaniel, but no one called him that. He was known by all as Nate. So when his name was called, he didn’t recognize it and on a noisy school bus, “Nathaniel” sounds an awful lot like “Daniel.” And it made perfect sense for Daniel to exit the bus there since that was where he got on in the morning. Luckily for all involved, both lost boys were found quickly and with minimal drama. But is does make a great first day of school story!

So that is where my brain has been, thinking back on Daniel’s life journey thus far and some of his other firsts. As with everyone, there has been good and bad, and both have helped shape him into the young man he is now. There will be many more life shaping experiences for him in the future. If he continues as he has started, he will take the good and the bad, learn from them, and then continue moving forward. Two years is much longer than two hours, but I think the first day of his mission will end up being even more successful than his first day of kindergarten. And hopefully he won’t get lost on the way home.

A Through Z and a Trophy!

Another school year has come and gone. Though it is hard for me to believe, Malia has finished kindergarten. Her teacher had a super fun way for the kids to count down to the end of school. At 26 school days before the end of the year, they started an “ABC Countdown.” Each day they had an activity of some kind that started with the letter of the day. For example, A was “animal day” and each kid was able to bring a small stuffed animal to school. G was “game day,” one of Malia’s favorites. They also had ice cream day, juice day, and the previously mentioned Kaleidoscope day.  The very last day was “zoom out of school” day. Each child made a cardboard box car at home and yesterday they took their cars to school and watched a drive-in movie. Once again, I surprised by how many cars were clearly parent work rather than the child’s work. I definitely helped Malia with hers, but she did the bulk of the job and she was enormously proud of how it turned out.

Today was the last day of school for grades 1-6. I went to the school an hour before it ended to pick up Matthew and Malia’s meds from the office and Malia happened to see a few gold trophies on the counter in the school office. She asked what they were for and of course, I had no idea. But a few minutes later the head secretary came over and congratulated Malia. We were flummoxed so she told us that the awards assembly had been earlier that morning and Malia had won an award for having perfect attendance. And guess what? The trophies were for the perfect attendance winners! Since the kindergarteners had already finished the school year, Matthew claimed Malia’s trophy for her which meant she had to wait a while hour and a half before he got home and she could see her trophy! But it was worth the wait!

So kindergarten ended with a vroom and an award. Malia has had a very successful year. She has learned a lot. She has made some friends. She has gained confidence and independence. She has loved school and her teacher. She has learned to read and is very prepared for the next big adventure: 1st grade!

A Rainbow and Fruit Flavors

Today was a big day at kindergarten. They called it Kaleidoscope Day, probably because the kids got to show their parents the rainbow of skills that they’ve developed this year. There were a dozen or so stations set up in the gym and Malia got to take me to each one and show off some of the skills she’s gained this year. It was so fun to see how confident she has become this school year and I think she really enjoyed showing off her knowledge.

The other super exciting part of kaleidoscope day is that all the kindergarteners got to eat lunch at school. Malia has eaten lunch at the school on a number of different occasions when we eat with Matthew, but this was her very first time eating hot lunch. She knew right where the allergy table is and luckily for her, there is one other allergy kid in her class who has become a friend. Renee and Malia will be in the same class again next year and I’m glad she’ll have someone to sit next to at lunch.

In other news, I made an absolutely fabulous discovery today. While I was at Sprouts, one of the employees was refilling the bulk bins and I happened to see him dump a huge bag of gummy bears into the bin. Sprouts has the best gummy bears ever and these particular gummy bears were one of the two food items Malia cried over when she developed her peanut allergy and could no longer eat a bunch of stuff. I perused the bag he tossed aside figuring it wouldn’t hurt to know what brand they were. When I got home, I looked up those Albanese brand gummy bears and was absolutely thrilled to discover that the only reason Matthew and Malia can’t eat them is because of the cross-contamination risks of the bulk bins! There are several of the package sizes that have a warning on them due to where they are packaged, but most of them are allergen free!  I did a very serious happy dance! And then ordered about 13 pounds of assorted gummies. They have bears, butterflies, jumbo bears, airplanes and soldiers for Memorial Day, snakes, worms and many other fun shapes. This is one of those absolutely fabulous discoveries. Malia was thrilled! Matthew was thrilled! I was thrilled! It was a great day!

The End of an Era

Malia started kindergarten this morning. As I left my 4-year-old in her teacher’s capable hands, I realized that I’ve come to one of those turning points in my life. I’m no longer a mother with a babe in arms and toddlers underfoot. All my kids are in school and for the first time in nearly 16 years, I’ll have regular stretches of time when I’m all alone. I’m not quite sure what to do with that yet, although I’m sure I’ll figure it out.

While I may be uncertain about this new phase of my life, Malia is nothing but excited. While most of the other kids looked a bit nervous and didn’t respond to the teacher’s questions right away, Malia enthusiastically put in her two cents and was more than ready, after dashing back to give me one last hug, to begin her new adventure.

I think she’s going to love it.

A Milestone For Matthew

Today was Matthew’s first day of kindergarten. He told me months ago that I was not allowed to take him to school because he would be walking with Daniel and Nathan.  But luckily for me, the parents were invited to attend the first half hour of kindergarten with their children so I got to take him to school in spite of his conviction that I would not.

When Daniel and Nathan started school, I did a happy dance as they got on the bus for the first time. But I have to admit that with Matthew I was a bit emotional. You see, by the time Matthew was born, Daniel was in kindergarten and Nathan was in preschool. Because of Matthew’s multitude of allergies, I was less likely to send him to a babysitter. It was a bit stressful (for me and for them) to hand someone my 5-month-old and say, “Oh, and by the way, he is allergic to some stuff…like milk… and eggs…dogs to, his face will swell up…” So until Malia came along, it was just Matthew and me at home. And Malia is four and a half years younger than Matthew so he has been my stay-at-home buddy for a long time. And for all that time he has helped me make bread, clean the house, run errands, do laundry, you name it and he has been right there with me. Yes, he has had two years of preschool, but preschool was five houses down the street and it wasn’t every day.

So as I left him at school this morning, his response being to hand me the appropriate paper per his teacher’s instructions with a quick, “Bye, Mom” as he headed back to the carpet, I’ll confess that I welled up just a bit. He’s obviously ready for kindergarten. I’m not sure I am.

The Wrath of Mother

It took five whole days of kindergarten to break Nathan's glasses. When he came home today with the mangled frames and only one lens, I was irritated. When he told me that they broke because one of the big kids grabbed him and made him fall before school this morning, the irritation became anger. Anger at the unnamed older child who bullied my kid. Nathan said one of the playground attendants (He called them "one of the school stack with an orange vest." I'm thinking he meant "staff.") saw the whole thing and came right over. So I'm hoping that some responsible adult at the school will ensure this doesn't happen again. Incidents like this can make a child hate school and I don't want my bright, inquisitive five year old to hate school.

So now we search for the lens because although there is a breakage warranty on the frames, a lost lens means buying a new one. Nathan thinks it is on the bus, but he is in no way a reliable eyewitness so the school secretary is checking with his teacher as well as the bus driver. At least we were smart enough to buy two pairs of glasses so Nathan will still have a pair to wear while we get the broken ones replaced.

And I'll sit here and attempt to think Christ-like thoughts. ("I don't want to beat up the bully. I don't want to beat up the bully. I don't want to beat up the bully . . .")

"You Can't Catch Me . . ."

One of the things Nathan told me about his first day of school was that they made a gingerbread man out of real gingerbread. I assumed they also ate the gingerbread man. But it was wrong of me to make such a logical assumption. Apparently they made the gingerbread man and put him in the oven, following the strict instructions the recipe provided about not peeking. Today they returned to the oven to get him out and discovered that he was gone! He had run away, leaving clues (and crumbs) all over the school. Thus the chase began. They followed him all over (getting an excellent tour of the school at the same time), not quite fast enough to catch him in the office, the computer lab, or the library. They finally caught him in their classroom and carried him off to the gym where they stuck a knife in his stomach and then ate him. And yes. I do have a boy child that revels in the gory details. (I love Miss Burningham even a little bit more than I did yesterday. Not only is she giving me five mornings a week with only one of my offspring, but she is keeping my five-year-old happy and engaged while he is learning.)

Nathan was totally hyper when he came home. He told me the story about the gingerbread man and then told me he wanted to make some more gingerbread men to see if they would run away. With such a scientific question at hand, I couldn't resist. Now I know what some of you are thinking. Last time I attempted to make gingerbread, I nearly incinerated the kitchen. But that was working with an unknown recipe and today's recipe is tried and true. So don't fret. I didn't even scorch anything.

After Daniel got home, we made gingerbread men (and women, because although our numbers don't reflect it, we are an equal opportunity household). The big boys loved painting them with edible cookie paint (the cornstarch variety rather than the egg yolk one so that I wouldn't end up making a mad dash for the Benadryl five seconds after Matthew grabbed a cookie). During the entire process, the main topic of conversation was whether or not the gingerbread men would run away. There were even several choruses of the "I Hope They Don't Run Away Anthem," composed and performed on the spot by Nathan the Magnificent.

We made a gigantic, enormous mess and had a glorious, wonderful time. After all, isn't it about . . . time?

The Artist At Work

Concentrating

What Matthew Was Doing While I Was Rolling Out Cookie Dough


The Finished Product
(If you look very closely, you will see that the cookie in Daniel's left
hand is running. I love when my accidental mangling of cookies as I
attempt to get them on the cookie sheet actually turns out to be fun!)

The Three R's

Today was Nathan's first day of kindergarten. He was extremely excited, but I think I was possibly even more excited. Five days a week, it will be just Matthew and me. And he is still young enough to strap into the shopping cart, thereby eliminating any running away, wandering off, and sticking of stuff into the cart (as long as I park him in the middle of the aisle). But I digress. Nathan went to school. He rode the school bus for the first time. He waved with glee when the bus pulled up to the house when school was over. And he told me that he loves Miss Burningham more than he loves me. But that's okay. Those five mornings a week make me love Miss Burningham just a little bit to.

Backpacked and Ready To Go


I assumed this was a gingerbread man, but Nathan quickly informed
me that I couldn't be more wrong. It is a gingerbread "baby."