Little Things

Our ward hosts a neighborhood block party every summer on the 24th of July. Last year I was serving in the relief society presidency which meant I was on the set up and serving crew. Rather than let everyone grab their own food, we acknowledged the changes Covid has brought into the world and gloved up to serve the food. We wrangled our families into service so we would have enough hands and Nathan was happy to help. I ended up serving hamburgers and hot dogs and Nathan was right beside me adding condiments as requested. 

One of the little girls who lives next door to us came through the line with a spectacular scowl on her face. I joked with her in an attempt to get her to smile, however, my efforts were in vain. I don’t remember if it was my idea or Nathan’s, but when her plate came his way, he used ketchup to draw a smiley face on her hamburger. That didn’t help either, but it began a long series of food that was happy to see everyone. It made me laugh and made many others smile. 

Last night was this year’s block party and since I have been released from my RS calling, I was back to being a guest at the BBQ. Our bishop was on condiment duty this time around and while everyone else got a normal swirl or splash of ketchup on their hamburgers, I got a smiley face. I was surprised that he had remembered last year’s escapades and it made me smile. 

Not only did my food art remind me of Nathan and his constant desire to make those around him happy, but it also reminded me that sometimes the little things are the big things. A text, a phone call, an honest compliment, a sincere inquiry about someone’s wellbeing. Sometimes these tiny gestures make all the difference. Ministering to others doesn’t have to be complicated. Often, we over think things, making things harder than they need to be, at least I know I do. That is why a part of my personal equation for happiness is to simplify. 

For years the sister who was assigned to minister to me never called, never came by, never checked in with me other than our interactions that came because we are next door neighbors and Malia and her kids are friends. But every week when she did her yard work, she would slip over with her edger and trim back the edges on our lawn. It was not life changing, but I knew she was thinking about me and taking the time to serve in her own quiet way. She knew I was ok and that I didn’t need her to come over and share a message with me, but she found a meaningful way to serve. It was a little thing. But like I said, sometimes the little things are the big things. And sometimes all it takes is a simple smile in ketchup to make someone’s day.

Simplify

The end of the year generally makes me reflect on the past year and this one is no different. This year has brought a lot of change for my family and I find myself assessing how that change has affected each of us.

First of all, let’s talk about “Come Follow Me.” A year ago, I was hopeful that it would be a good thing for my family. As we finish up our first year, I can say without a doubt that it has been good for us. We’ve had to change our approach half a dozen times throughout the year, but that’s ok. Life is all about learning and growing and discovering what works for us and that is exactly what we have done. And I expect that we will continue to adjust our approach as the needs of our family change over time. My children are growing up and that necessitates changes in how we teach them. The fantastic thing is that they have taught me this year as well. Their own personal insights have added to the success of our study. Are we perfect? Not even close. Did we learn absolutely everything there was to learn? Of course not. But we did learn and as in all areas of life, we will continue to learn line upon line.

Nathan started at a new high school in September and it has most definitely been good for him. There is still all the teenage social drama that he hates, but he loves choir, looks forward to going there, trusts his teacher. He also loves ASL and has developed a good relationship with that teacher as well. In general, it is a much healthier and more positive environment for him, and I cannot express how grateful I am for that. For every person who contributes to his happiness and wellbeing, there will be blessings in heaven based on how often this mother has expressed thanks.

Matthew has successfully made the transition to middle school and he is thriving there. He is finding where he fits into the world and discovering what makes him happy. He is gaining confidence in himself and is learning how to keep track of all the different things he is balancing in his life. I’ve been praying that his special permit request will be approved, and he will be allowed to stay at the same school next year. He is doing so well that it would break my heart, and probably his, to have to change schools.

Malia is the one of us who has probably seen the least amount of change in her day to day routine. She is still at the same school, sees the same kids, has the same friends. I have, however, seen a lot of change in her as she begins to transition from little girl to big girl. In the past several months, she has really started taking her scripture reading to heart. During our family study, she asks questions and offers her opinions about what things mean. She has started reading on her own occasionally. She isn’t solid yet, but she’s still young and even for adults, finding a daily scripture study routine can be a challenge. I can see her faith growing and I’m so very proud. She is growing up in a world where she will need that faith to sustain her.

Daniel is the one who has seen the most change. I have watched him grow from a teen in high school to an independent young man who is willingly serving the Lord for two years. He has been in the mission field for twelve weeks now, and every time I read one of his emails, I am astounded by how much his testimony has grown. As a parent I’ve spent his whole life teaching him to be a self-sufficient, independent adult and I think he’s proved that he has, in fact, become just that. He still needs our support and counsel (and hopefully will always feel that he can turn to us), but he’s stepped out into the world in a big way and I could not be more pleased with his accomplishments.

Kevin has very recently accepted a new job that leads him away from the traditionally accepted career path of progression from technical computer guy to lower management to upper management. While it is somewhat of an unorthodox job switch in that way, it is (hopefully) going to give him an opportunity to do the kind of work that he really enjoys, and which will bring some greater job satisfaction his way. In some ways this was a hard decision for him to make and yet, I have high hopes that it will be good.

As for me, earlier this year I was contemplating the possibility of becoming a sister scriptorian. I wouldn’t exactly classify myself as such yet, but I can honestly say that I have learned a lot, my testimony has grown and most of the time, I am a follower of Christ rather than just a member of the church. My calling in the relief society presidency has stretched me. I have had to step outside my comfort zone, and I think it has been good for me. With more time commitments added to my schedule, I’ve had to learn to prioritize, put first things first, if you will. And while the number of projects I’ve been able to check off my to-do list has been shortened considerably this year, I believe I’ve been able to put my focus on the most important ones.

My calling has had an unexpected side effect as well. December is always busy and this year it was even more so for me because I was trying to get all my ministering interviews done before the end of the quarter. As a result, I had to let some things go. We didn’t get out every single Christmas decoration we own. We didn’t put every single ornament on the tree. And we didn’t put together forty or fifty little something or others for neighbor gifts. We live in a great neighborhood and I love my neighbors. There are so many families that have taught me and my children so many things. They have touched our lives in unquantifiable ways. But due to time constraints, neighbor gifts were one of the first things to drop by the wayside. And guess what? I actually loved it. Kev and I have talked about it and except for a few of the most near and dear whom I hold close to my heart, this is something we want to continue. Perhaps next year we’ll take what we would have spent on neighbor gifts and donate it to the Light the World vending machines instead. Christmas was also simpler. Meals were simplified with preparations made over several days in advance so when Christmas actually rolled around, all I had to do was turn on the oven. It was unbelievably easy. And again, I loved it. The simplifications to our traditional Christmas routine allowed me to slow down and enjoy the time with my family. It allowed me to put the focus on what was important. And it helped me focus on what really matters.

I’m not one of those people that picks a word to focus on each year, but it is something that I’ve done on occasion. I think next year will be one of those years and I think my word will be “simplify.” If I can simplify my life, let go of some of the unrealistically high expectations I hold for myself, stop overscheduling or adding unnecessary things that contribute to an overwhelming feeling of general business, I think I will be happier. It will allow me to focus on what really matters. I think it will help me become a better wife, a better mother, a better disciple of Christ. And these are the things that bring me joy. So simplifying will lead to a happier life. The scriptures say, “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass,” (Alma 37:6) and I believe this can be true in my own life. By simplifying, by letting the little things (like quality family time, consistent scripture study, taking time to be still and listen to the Spirit, etc.) become the big things, I believe great things can happen in my life and in the lives of my family. I’m not talking earth shattering things here, but the small changes that will lead us to happiness and bring us just a little bit closer to exaltation.

So that’s my focus for next year. Simplify. That doesn’t mean that I won’t still do a bunch of stuff, because doing crazy things like making Santa pancakes and Christmas tree waffles to share with my family makes me happy, but hopefully it means that I will be able to focus a bit more on what matters and more easily say no to the things that don’t. I’m probably going to need reminders. I’m probably going to overcomplicate things on occasion because I have a tendency to do that. But hopefully, I’ll be able to remember how easy it was to let go of the things that don’t really matter so I can focus on the things that do.

And hopefully, simplifying will bring joy to me and my family.