Change for Christmas

Christmas was different for us this time around. This past year has brought some significant changes for our little family and that led to a very quiet Christmas day. Matthew was celebrating in Arkansas and since we enjoyed having Daniel and Tawni with us for Thanksgiving, they were with Tawni’s family last night and today. So, this morning, it was just Nathan, Malia, Kevin and me. We slept in just a bit and got breakfast started before we explored what was in the stockings or opened any presents. That was definitely different. And with only four of us on hand, Malia requested standard French toast for breakfast instead of the overnight versions we have done in past. We were able to cook enough slices on the griddle for all of us to eat at the same time which was a bit tricky when feeding six people and needing an allergen free version as well. So, while the past several years have been calmer due to having older children, things were extra quiet today. 

Having said that, we did still have fun. Malia’s gifts this year are largely experience gifts, so she didn’t have much to open. But she was fine with that since one of those gifts was the Benson Boone concert in October and the other is tickets to see Hades Town when the Broadway touring company is here in March. She was/is ridiculously excited about both of these events.

Nathan received a variety of small things with his big gift being the gift of food. For the past several years, we have purchased a quarter cow from Cory, Kevin’s brother. Cory buys a cow, feeds it through the year, and then sends it to the butcher each fall. When Kevin called to ask about cow this year, Cory asked if we wanted half a cow instead of a quarter. Half a cow is far more than we can eat with just three of us at home, but we talked about it and thought that Daniel and Nathan might be interested in having a bunch of really good beef as a Christmas present. They concurred, so a bunch of Cory cow (that’s what we call it around here to differentiate from the run of the mill beef we get at the store) and a small chest freezer for Daniel and Tawni (with the agreement that Nathan could keep some of his cow there as well) were their gifts for this year.

However, 140 pounds of beef is extremely difficult to wrap and put under the tree, so I went looking for a small toy cow of some sort so they would have something to open. What I found were small plush cows that moo and walk around when you push a button on their backs. I added in some Styrofoam meat trays leftover from Halloween raw meat Rice Krispy treats a few years ago, some saran wrap, a personalized Cory Cow nutrition sticker, and used grocery bags as wrapping. I thought it would be funny and was pleased when it made Nathan laugh. His first reaction was to take a video of the walking, mooing cow and send it to the fam in the Facebook Messenger app that we use to communicate with Matthew. However, that would have spoiled the fun for Daniel and Tawni who are scheduled to be here on Saturday, so once he knew they would also be the recipients of an identical package, he quickly deleted the message before they had a chance to see it. Matthew watched it before it was deleted though, so he got to see the barnyard antics. And Daniel didn’t see the video but knows there is something entertaining waiting for them. 

I got a fabulous bread cookbook from Nathan, one I’m excited to get into to learn some additional tips and tricks for breadmaking. And Kevin got me an authentic widow’s mite. Let me give a bit of explanation about that one. Malia has been really into coin collecting over the past few years. It is something that is interesting to her and a shared interest with Matthew which is fun for both of them. There is a coin shop that Kevin has been taking her to on occasion, which Malia loves, and I’m assuming the widow’s mite was purchased on one of their trips. It was meaningful because over the past several years, the number of things I’ve missed or been unable to do as a result of the headaches has risen significantly. And often it leaves me feeling like I’m failing in pretty much every aspect of my life. That widow’s mite, which is tiny, much smaller than I had imagined, was a reminder that I’m doing what I can. I’m giving what I can when I can. And the Lord knows exactly what I’m dealing with and accepts my offering, no matter how small it may be. So, it was a little something that was completely unexpected, but such a good reminder for me.

As for Kev, I have a gift for him, but it hasn’t arrived yet. It is due to get here sometime around my birthday…

With only four of us at home, not as many physical presents to open, and no small children bouncing around like maniacs or deeply focused on their new toys, we knew that we would have a good amount of free time this afternoon. Factor in some busy schedules, and it seemed like this afternoon would be a good time to decorate gingerbread. This year’s creation was a gingerbread train with each of us assembling and decorating one car. Nathan claimed the engine, Malia selected the caboose, and Kevin and I took the two middle cars. We had fewer ginger-dead type occurrences this year with Malia’s car being the only one with casualties. One of her gingerbread people was falling out of the car and the other was being run over. But the rest of our cars were G-rated. 😂

With almost all the nieces and nephews teenaged or older, last night’s Christmas Eve festivities were more mellow as well. We did dim sum for dinner at my parents’ house again to try to ease things for my mom. She still felt like she needed to be up and about prepping all kinds of things, but we tried to take care of it all. We had no plans for a program or anything, but my mom did want to sing some Christmas carols. However, I don’t know if that actually happened or not. We knew Matthew would be calling today, but he unexpectedly called last night as well. His mission president told them all to call home and that they could talk to their grandparents on occasion, so his timing was perfect. He talked to my parents for a few minutes and got to say hi to the cousins. Even Sam said hi to him, which is fantastic as Sam is usually pretty reticent in situations like this. And since we had already finished eating dinner and Matthew had the go-ahead to talk to grandparents, we booked it down the hill to Kevin’s parents’ house so he could talk to them as well. Before we took off though, Esther had a Christmas present for me with identical ones for my other sisters. She gave us a “Sisters” Christmas tree ornaments. As in the “Sisters” musical number from my favorite Christmas movie, “White Christmas.” The same song that I use a snippet of as my text tone for my sisters. It made me laugh out loud. It was perfect!

We got to talk to Matthew again today, which was nice because it meant that Daniel and Tawni jumped onto the video call as well. Matthew spent part of the day with some members and had the opportunity to play some board games, which was great. He appreciated the few presents we sent him and was wearing his microwaveable Snoopy stuffed animal as we spoke. I was able to find some chocolate candy bars that are safe for him and he likes those as well. He did say that the deck of playing cards Malia sent were the ugliest thing he had ever seen, but since they were the Benson Boone cards that feature a picture of his abs on the backs, it is a totally valid opinion. 😂

Tawni’s family decimated the bowl of Chinese pretzels they took, so apparently, they were a hit. And Daniel got to experience the mayhem that was Christmas with her extended family. They don’t open presents one at a time like we do, it’s a free for all with what Tawni describes as a mountain of wrapping paper in the middle of the room. And apparently, she was impressed enough with our Thanksgiving turkey to have a go at the brined, trussed, and herb roasted version for their Christmas dinner. The turkey cooked faster than expected and dinner ended up being later than expected so she reported that it ended up a little dry, but she also said that she got positive feedback from family members concerning the fabulous flavor.

This year has really been a transition year for us. This is the first year that we’ve had to share kids with in-laws and that is going to take some getting used to. With Daniel and Nathan both on track to graduate in the spring, things have the potential to change even more over the next year depending on where the work takes them. Both of them are applying for jobs all over, not just here in Utah, so no one knows where they will end up as of yet. Having my children be elsewhere has been a bit of an emotional adjustment and I know that it will take some time to wrap my head, and my heart, around it. But I also know that they are doing exactly what they should be doing. As parents, we spend years and years teaching our children to be capable, independent adults and now that they are, I’m not going to get all offended by that fact. I am going to miss the years when their focus and home were here, but it’s absolutely right that over time, their focus should shift as they establish their own homes and families. But it is all a bit bittersweet for my mama heart. Things will never be the same and while I know that change is inevitable and the changes we’ve had this year are good ones, I still have my sad moments.

But I also know there is still joy to be found, even in the changes. I have seen that as my kids have met challenges head on and been strengthened by them, becoming stronger and better people as they do so. I’ve seen that as they have accepted and fulfilled new callings with enthusiasm, becoming a little more Christlike in the process. I’ve seen that as all my children gain knowledge and skills and look forward with hope and optimism to what their lives may hold in the future. I’ve seen that as Tawni has become a part of our family, weaving her way into our lives and our hearts and making Daniel a better person. And I know I will see the joy in ways yet unknown in the days to come. 

Simplify

The end of the year generally makes me reflect on the past year and this one is no different. This year has brought a lot of change for my family and I find myself assessing how that change has affected each of us.

First of all, let’s talk about “Come Follow Me.” A year ago, I was hopeful that it would be a good thing for my family. As we finish up our first year, I can say without a doubt that it has been good for us. We’ve had to change our approach half a dozen times throughout the year, but that’s ok. Life is all about learning and growing and discovering what works for us and that is exactly what we have done. And I expect that we will continue to adjust our approach as the needs of our family change over time. My children are growing up and that necessitates changes in how we teach them. The fantastic thing is that they have taught me this year as well. Their own personal insights have added to the success of our study. Are we perfect? Not even close. Did we learn absolutely everything there was to learn? Of course not. But we did learn and as in all areas of life, we will continue to learn line upon line.

Nathan started at a new high school in September and it has most definitely been good for him. There is still all the teenage social drama that he hates, but he loves choir, looks forward to going there, trusts his teacher. He also loves ASL and has developed a good relationship with that teacher as well. In general, it is a much healthier and more positive environment for him, and I cannot express how grateful I am for that. For every person who contributes to his happiness and wellbeing, there will be blessings in heaven based on how often this mother has expressed thanks.

Matthew has successfully made the transition to middle school and he is thriving there. He is finding where he fits into the world and discovering what makes him happy. He is gaining confidence in himself and is learning how to keep track of all the different things he is balancing in his life. I’ve been praying that his special permit request will be approved, and he will be allowed to stay at the same school next year. He is doing so well that it would break my heart, and probably his, to have to change schools.

Malia is the one of us who has probably seen the least amount of change in her day to day routine. She is still at the same school, sees the same kids, has the same friends. I have, however, seen a lot of change in her as she begins to transition from little girl to big girl. In the past several months, she has really started taking her scripture reading to heart. During our family study, she asks questions and offers her opinions about what things mean. She has started reading on her own occasionally. She isn’t solid yet, but she’s still young and even for adults, finding a daily scripture study routine can be a challenge. I can see her faith growing and I’m so very proud. She is growing up in a world where she will need that faith to sustain her.

Daniel is the one who has seen the most change. I have watched him grow from a teen in high school to an independent young man who is willingly serving the Lord for two years. He has been in the mission field for twelve weeks now, and every time I read one of his emails, I am astounded by how much his testimony has grown. As a parent I’ve spent his whole life teaching him to be a self-sufficient, independent adult and I think he’s proved that he has, in fact, become just that. He still needs our support and counsel (and hopefully will always feel that he can turn to us), but he’s stepped out into the world in a big way and I could not be more pleased with his accomplishments.

Kevin has very recently accepted a new job that leads him away from the traditionally accepted career path of progression from technical computer guy to lower management to upper management. While it is somewhat of an unorthodox job switch in that way, it is (hopefully) going to give him an opportunity to do the kind of work that he really enjoys, and which will bring some greater job satisfaction his way. In some ways this was a hard decision for him to make and yet, I have high hopes that it will be good.

As for me, earlier this year I was contemplating the possibility of becoming a sister scriptorian. I wouldn’t exactly classify myself as such yet, but I can honestly say that I have learned a lot, my testimony has grown and most of the time, I am a follower of Christ rather than just a member of the church. My calling in the relief society presidency has stretched me. I have had to step outside my comfort zone, and I think it has been good for me. With more time commitments added to my schedule, I’ve had to learn to prioritize, put first things first, if you will. And while the number of projects I’ve been able to check off my to-do list has been shortened considerably this year, I believe I’ve been able to put my focus on the most important ones.

My calling has had an unexpected side effect as well. December is always busy and this year it was even more so for me because I was trying to get all my ministering interviews done before the end of the quarter. As a result, I had to let some things go. We didn’t get out every single Christmas decoration we own. We didn’t put every single ornament on the tree. And we didn’t put together forty or fifty little something or others for neighbor gifts. We live in a great neighborhood and I love my neighbors. There are so many families that have taught me and my children so many things. They have touched our lives in unquantifiable ways. But due to time constraints, neighbor gifts were one of the first things to drop by the wayside. And guess what? I actually loved it. Kev and I have talked about it and except for a few of the most near and dear whom I hold close to my heart, this is something we want to continue. Perhaps next year we’ll take what we would have spent on neighbor gifts and donate it to the Light the World vending machines instead. Christmas was also simpler. Meals were simplified with preparations made over several days in advance so when Christmas actually rolled around, all I had to do was turn on the oven. It was unbelievably easy. And again, I loved it. The simplifications to our traditional Christmas routine allowed me to slow down and enjoy the time with my family. It allowed me to put the focus on what was important. And it helped me focus on what really matters.

I’m not one of those people that picks a word to focus on each year, but it is something that I’ve done on occasion. I think next year will be one of those years and I think my word will be “simplify.” If I can simplify my life, let go of some of the unrealistically high expectations I hold for myself, stop overscheduling or adding unnecessary things that contribute to an overwhelming feeling of general business, I think I will be happier. It will allow me to focus on what really matters. I think it will help me become a better wife, a better mother, a better disciple of Christ. And these are the things that bring me joy. So simplifying will lead to a happier life. The scriptures say, “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass,” (Alma 37:6) and I believe this can be true in my own life. By simplifying, by letting the little things (like quality family time, consistent scripture study, taking time to be still and listen to the Spirit, etc.) become the big things, I believe great things can happen in my life and in the lives of my family. I’m not talking earth shattering things here, but the small changes that will lead us to happiness and bring us just a little bit closer to exaltation.

So that’s my focus for next year. Simplify. That doesn’t mean that I won’t still do a bunch of stuff, because doing crazy things like making Santa pancakes and Christmas tree waffles to share with my family makes me happy, but hopefully it means that I will be able to focus a bit more on what matters and more easily say no to the things that don’t. I’m probably going to need reminders. I’m probably going to overcomplicate things on occasion because I have a tendency to do that. But hopefully, I’ll be able to remember how easy it was to let go of the things that don’t really matter so I can focus on the things that do.

And hopefully, simplifying will bring joy to me and my family.