The World’s Best Parenting Manual

 Yesterday I was counseling with one of my kids concerning a hard situation in which he finds himself. As we talked, a scripture from the book of Alma came to mind. 

“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.” Alma 37:6-7

This scripture is Alma counseling his son Helaman. I shared my insights into these verses, things that I have learned in my own life, and gave what was hopefully some sage advice. Sometimes it is hard to know exactly what to say to a child who is in the midst of a difficult time of life, but often I feel like the Spirit is feeding me information and this was one of those moments.

As I was pondering on that later in the day, I was reminded of just many times a parent counsels a child in the Book of Mormon: Lehi and all his sons, Alma the elder to Alma the Younger, Mosiah to his sons, Mormon to Moroni, and Alma the younger to Helaman and his other sons, just to name a few. That thought was followed by another reminding me that the Book of Mormon was written for us, the saints living in the last dispensation. While the principles contained therein are eternal, they were recorded and later translated to give us the knowledge we would need to come unto Christ and to thrive in the midst of the adversities of these last days.

Two years ago, I mentioned the fact that the parenting manuals don’t have a section on how to counsel your kids when they are living through a pandemic. Yesterday I had a realization that perhaps just such a parenting manual exists. No, the Book of Mormon does not tell us exactly what to say to a child who is freaking out because they have been quarantined, but its principles do teach us how to navigate through our troubled world and how to find joy as we do so. It contains lessons on how to find peace in troubled times, how to remain righteous as the world around becomes increasingly more wicked, what we need to do to gain eternal life, and countless others. And yes, it does in fact contain some amazing examples of how to be a good parent in the last days. In its very first chapters, we meet Lehi who is the parent of some very righteous as well as some very rebellious children and chronicles the many struggles his family faces.

In the past several years as we have focused on other books of scripture for “Come Follow Me,” I have chosen to include a topical study of the Book of Mormon to my study plans. I think my next area of study will be to look for counsel on parenting and family relationships. After all, the family is the basic unit of both society and eternity, and we know that all we do and all we learn in the church is to help us to be worthy to participate in the covenants that seal us to our loved ones forever. 

Mother’s Day was two days ago. Nathan was able to call and played a lovely little piano arrangement for me in honor of the day. Unfortunately, the video chatting programs all have elements meant to factor out background noise which means music doesn’t work well over the web. But he played it anyway and then recorded it and sent a video. Nathan and Malia made me a lovely little ring tree when they had their ceramics outing earlier in the year. They gave it to me before Nathan left in March because Malia wanted him to be here when it was gifted. I laughed out loud when I opened it because it is in the shape of a cactus, and they had included a comment stating that it was a plant that would never die. They know I struggle with house plants. 😂

People tell me all the time that Kev and I have done a great job raising our kids. I counter that by telling them that we were blessed with great kids, and we have just helped them along on their journeys through life. We honestly feel that way. Every day I feel immense gratitude for the opportunity to be their mother and for the impact they have had on my life. Raising them has made me a better person, has taught me to love and serve in a way nothing else could, and has enriched my life in countless ways. I’m constantly humbled by the fact that the Lord trusted me to raise these kids.

Dapper

Matthew has always had his own ideas about pretty much everything. From the time he was tiny, he was enormously stubborn, often about things that completely flabbergasted me. (Think back on the pink rectangle that was a big part of his preschool experience.) Where clothing is concerned, he has always been just as stubborn. He knew what he wanted to wear and what he most definitely did not what to wear and could not be swayed. That determination to wear exactly what he wanted regardless of what anyone else thought has morphed into his very own sense of style, and in his defense, has developed into a very attractive look. By the time Matthew was born, I was able to find tiny suits for him, so he has always worn a suit to church on Sundays. And as often as we could get them, those suits were three pieces. As he hit his preteen years, his desire to wear a full suit did not waver. His preferences, however, did not include a standard black, navy blue or gray suit. 

 

One of the first suits he picked out for himself was a brighter than normal blue, and it looked good. He looked long and hard to find just the right color and was terribly pleased when he finally found it. The following suit was a fantastic three-piece suit in a deep green color. With the free alterations offered by the shop where it was purchased, he wore it for three years. During that time, he had a big growth spurt, and the hem in the slacks has been let down several times.  If we let down the hem again, he can still wear that suit. However, it is starting to show wear. Not only does he wear it to church, but he wears it for concerts at school and other such events, so he has definitely gotten our money’s worth out of it. With these things in mind, it was time to start shopping for a new suit.

Matthew’s style has an element of the vintage included, as evidenced by his fantastic brown and white wingtip shoes, the shoes that look so good that Daniel had to get a matching pair of his own. Matthew also has a functioning pocket watch with chain that he wears in the vest pocket of his suit, so having another three piece was necessary. And as always, a more traditional color was not on the list of options. He picked up his new plum colored suit today and put it on right away so we could all see it. It looks fantastic. 

Now he is looking for another pair of wingtips, so he has more style options. It will be fun to see what he comes up with.

Texas Extras

I’m one of the lucky insiders who gets more of Nathan’s stories, so I thought I’d add some context to some of his extra pictures. In his neck of the woods, there is a gas station called Buc-ees. But this is no ordinary gas station. It is, according to Nathan, the biggest gas station he has ever seen. Apparently, there are hundreds of pumps for cars to refuel and the store is no little convenience store. It is a full-fledged grocery store that included a deli, bakery, non-foods, section, etc. In fact, it is bigger that our local supermarket. Nathan says that the number of stalls in the bathroom seems to go on forever. The mascot of the Buc-ees chain of gas stations is a beaver, hence the photo with the charming beaver statue. 

The missionaries are supposed to spend all the money loaded to their debit cards each payment cycle, so when he and his companion had a few dollars that needed spending, they headed to Buc-ees. For those of us who know him well, it came as no surprise that Nathan spent his extra moola on a rubber duck, a lapel pin, and a pair of socks emblazoned with the state of Texas. While he was perusing the many wonders in Buc-ees, he spotted several things that made him laugh. First of all, it was enormously evident to him that he is no longer in Utah as there were sippy cups displayed right next to the matching shot glasses and wine glasses, all bearing the Buc-ees beaver. He also spotted a sign that reminded him of the movie “Miss Congeniality,” one of our often-watched movies that falls under the category of “chick flick that is funny enough that even the boys like it.” It just so happens that the film takes place in Texas, so it is not really a surprise that it has made its way into the pop culture of the state.

He also had some more Texas culture to share with us via Messenger, where he described the breakfast he ate on the way to the temple and some clothing shopping he did. Being able to message back and forth on his p-days feels a little bit like having him just a couple hours away rather than halfway across the country:

“I called mom, but for the rest of yall: 

1- I got a name sign hehe. I'll send an email later with the video 

2- look up Texas Kolachee (ask mom how to spell it. She found it somehow haha.) They are giant Texas pigs in blankets. Very tasty 

3- it is SO GREEN HERE AHHHHH”

“Ooooo I forgot to say: Elder Frey had a really good study idea!! I want to do this when I finish the new testament this time around.

Mark every single question that Jesus Christ asks and see what you learn from it! This could be in any of the books of scripture. This will help you be a better teacher and know how to ask better questions!”

“Ok, so I forgot to tell y’all earlier, but this afternoon we went thrift shopping. The thrift stores in Texas are amazing. We have Ross and stuff, but there’s a bunch of really sketchy Spanish thrift stores where you can go buy stuff for under a dollar. So, what we’ve been doing is for member visits we wear our suitcoats. The slacks and coats don’t match all the time, but sometimes they do, but we wear coats to just help everyone remember our purpose in being there, and so in order to help my gray suitcoat not totally get sun-bleached and the pants not, we went to the thrift store and I bought a $3 suitcoat that apparently is super bourgie, but it fits, has gold buttons, super great. And so we will just leave that in the car and it will be great. I also found someone who thrifted ties that have angel Moronis on them, so that’s pretty fun. By and large, I spent $8 at the thrift store for what would have normally been a lot more than $8.”

“A HUGE tie with angel Moroni on it is my favorite. I'll send a picture of the suit coat in a min haha”

“And my fancy coat haha”

Now for a little bit more info on the Texas kolache he ate. I was familiar with the traditional kolache which is a traditional Czech fruit filled pastry. I had no frame of reference for the giant pig in a blanket he described though, so I did a bit of online research to see if I could figure out how one morphed into the other. I discovered that there is a large Czech population in Texas. When they immigrated in the 1800’s, they brought their traditional kolaches with them. Over time, they became very popular with non-Czech people, and they started filling them with meat (and usually cheese and jalapenos) rather than the traditional sweet fillings. How it went from a flat pastry to a fully wrapped sausage is beyond me though. And yes, that version is just a Texas thing. Technically, the meat wrapped in kolache dough are called klobasnek, not that many non-Czech people would know that, and it has become a breakfast staple in the lone star state. Doing the research made me want to try them though, so there may be some half Chinese versions of a Czech and/or Texas delicacy in our future. 😂 (The pictures of the two different kolaches are courtesy of Google, not Nathan.)

I know some missionaries are disappointed when they receive calls to serve in their home country, but as Nathan will attest, Texas most definitely has its own culture, one that is very different from that found here in Utah!

And the Winner is…

 …Matthew! Daniel was in braces for just over a year. Nathan’s took a year and a half. Matthew sped through his in 9 months. And today was liberation day! Kevin and Matthew stopped on the way home and my fifteen-year-old very happily gobbled up some Starburst. For him, it was like getting back a long lost, always reliable, food allergy aware best friend. He was also introduced to a super tasty new friend. Between the time he went into braces and now, the cross-contact info on hi-chews has changed and they are no longer a potential threat to his life. We were super excited when we discovered that a few months ago, and today was tasting day. Matthew loves them. Pretty much the only downside to the braces coming off is that it is going to take him a little time to adjust his embouchure so he can play his trumpet again. 😉

Lest We Forget

Matthew and Malia are on spring break, so today we took an outing. We drove to Delta and visited the Topaz internment camp site and museum. The forced gathering and movement of hundreds of thousands of people of Japanese descent away from the west coast just after the bombing of Pearl Harbor in 1941 is not something I learned about in school. In fact, I had no idea it had even occurred until I was an adult. And I’m not the only one. This egregious violation of freedom is not one that is taught in the schools, at least none that Kevin or I or any of our children have attended. It is also one of those things that should not be forgotten. A full two thirds of those who were forced to leave their homes, jobs, possessions, and everything they knew were American citizens. None of them had done anything wrong or given any indication they intended to do so. Their only crime was having Japanese blood and heritage.

The museum is pretty new. It opened in 2015. The internment camps (Topaz is one of ten) existed from 1941-1945, so this is a story that has been waiting a long time to be told. And while the buildings on the actual site were all dismantled and sold off after the closure of the camp, the gravel roads, cement foundations of the sturdier buildings and a variety of other landmarks remain. We didn’t realize that we would be able to drive and walk through the real site, all of which is open to do so. There are signs detailing what each section was used for and we were able to get a really good idea of how big the camp was. It was bigger than we realized, although still much too small for the 8300 people it housed. It was also very windy and cold, one of the weather extremes that happens in our desert climate.

The museum held many items and one of the things that struck me was how the people interred there used whatever they could find to create objects both useful and beautiful. They repurposed shipping crates into furniture and made beautiful art out of the tiny shells that are evidence of an ancient sea covering our state. While their situation was difficult to say the least, they created as much of joy and beauty as they could.

These are stories that should not be forgotten. When I take a good look at the world we are living in, I desperately want to think that such violations of freedom won’t happen again in our country. Although there are times when I doubt, ultimately, I have to let hope take the reins and trust that as long as we remember the mistakes of the past, we will be less likely to repeat them. 

Texas Extras

The members of the ward where Nathan is currently serving in Texas are amazing. The ward mission leader’s wife contacted me a week or so ago, about five seconds after Nathan was transferred into their ward. She wanted a few pictures and some details about Nathan that she could share with the ward on their Facebook page. She introduces each new missionary to their ward so the members can get to know them a bit. She also asked about some of his favorite treats. She told me they would be feeding the missionaries on Easter and planned to fill an Easter basket for each of them. 

This evening the same sister sent me some pictures of Nathan enjoying the holiday at their home. She fed him and his companion and assembled some amazing Easter baskets for them. They are far fancier than the ones I filled for my kids here and she got all of Nathan’s favorites in there. I am enormously touched. As a missionary mama, I am so grateful to know that there are other mamas taking care of my kid. 💗

Christ the Lord is Risen Today

Although we have fun with all the egg and bunny themed things we do around this time each year, we have a tendency to do all those things before the actual holiday. We do have chocolate bunnies and jellybeans on Sunday, but we try to focus on the Savior and the real reason Easter is so important to us. Each year I include some kind of reminder of Christ in the kids’ Easter baskets. This year I tucked a replica of an ancient Israeli clay lamp in their baskets, the kind that would have been used in the time of the Savior’s earthly life. It was a different kind of reminder of Christ, one that looks forward to his second coming rather than one that looks back to his atonement and resurrection. I wrote a letter explaining why I selected this particular item so they could refer back to it later on, and thought I should include that letter at the end of this post.

As I have studied about the Savior and the atonement this week, my heart has been full of gratitude and love for my Savior. I have been enveloped by reassurances via the Spirit that what I have read is true. I could struggle to find the right words, or I can simply quote Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf whose words touched me to the point of tears earlier this week:

“Because of Jesus Christ, we will rise from the despair of death and embrace those we love, shedding tears of overwhelming joy and overflowing gratitude. Because of Jesus Christ, we will exist as eternal beings, worlds without end.

Because of Jesus the Christ, our sins can not only be erased; they can be forgotten.

We can become purified and exalted.

Holy.

Because of our beloved Savior, we can forever drink from the fountain of water that springs up into eternal life. We can dwell forever in the mansions of our eternal King, in unimaginable glory and perfect happiness… 

…I testify that the most important day in the history of mankind was the day when Jesus Christ, the living Son of God, won the victory over death and sin for all of God’s children. And the most important day in your life and mine is the day when we learn to “behold the man”; when we see Him for who He truly is; when we partake with all our heart and mind of His atoning power; when with renewed enthusiasm and strength, we commit to follow Him. May that be a day that recurs over and over again throughout our lives.”

Amen. As Nathan would say, “The book is blue. The gospel’s true.” 

April 17, 2022

Easter Sunday

This year’s Easter reminder of the Savior needs a bit of explanation. As the signs of the times have become ever more apparent in the past several years, I have found that the parable of the ten virgins has become one of my spiritual focal points. While some parables teach about believers vs. non-believers, this parable is about the members of the church. It teaches that many members of the church won’t be spiritually prepared when the Savior returns and as such, will be left bereft of some of the choicest blessings the Lord has promised us. I want to be among the number that is prepared to meet the Savior and want our family there with me, so I’ve tried to keep in mind the reality that time is growing short (Pres. Nelson has been quite clear on that) and that I need to be a follower of Christ and not just a member of the church. (Thank you, Daniel, for that concise description.)

As usual, when a gospel principle resonates in my heart, I like to have an image or some kind of reminder to keep that principle fresh in my mind as I go about my day-to-day life. However, I have never seen a painting of the parable of the ten virgins that I really love. I’ve looked and continue to keep my eyes open, but nothing has every really clicked for me.

In about November, Sis. Whosit taught relief society. She was talking about the parable of the ten virgins and shared a visual aid with us. She had visited Jerusalem with her sister several years ago and while she was there, she purchased a replica of the ancient Israeli lamps that the women in the parable would have used. The lamp was tiny, small enough to fit right in the palm of her hand. She explained that when filled with oil and equipped with a wick, the lamp would give off light, but not a lot of light. Just enough to light the face of the person carrying the lamp and perhaps enough to show the bearer one step in front of them. The meager amount of light given from such a tiny lamp is the reason every person needed their own lamp. 

Sis. Whosit then turned to talk of the oil filling the lamp. The small amount of oil that each lamp can hold is not enough to allow it to burn throughout the night. It would need to be refilled in order for the lamp to burn until daylight. Then she brought out the oil jar that would accompany the lamp. Again, it was tiny, fitting easily in one hand. The amount of oil in the jar would fill the lamp once so that between the full lamp and the one jar of oil, the light would last through the night.

As I pondered what she had shared with us, I realized that the reason the five prepared virgins did not share oil with those who were unprepared is not because they were feeling mean or spiteful. It was not that they didn’t care about these other women. It was not because they were selfish or un-Christlike. It was because they literally could not share or they themselves would not have what they needed to be prepared for the arrival of the bridegroom.

With that, the little lamp became a reminder of what that parable means for us. Each and every one of us must have our own testimonies. We must all make and keep our own covenants with the Lord. Each of us must individually search out the Savior and develop our own relationship with him. Each of us must make the choices that will allow us to become a little bit more Christlike every day. Each of must do the work necessary to become truly converted, true disciples of Christ. In short, each of us must take responsibility for our own salvation. 

Of course, we are all here to help each other along the covenant path. That is a key element of the gospel, a part of the covenants we make, and an undeniable part of developing a Christlike nature. We are responsible to teach others, helping them however we can in their journey towards the Savior, loving unconditionally and striving always to show greater charity. But my firm belief will never be enough to save another person. I can only seek to help them come to believe on their own.

So hold this little lamp. Ponder on what having oil for your lamp means. Allow your daily actions of prayer, scripture study, ministering to others, and keeping your covenants fill your lamp one drop at a time. Let your heart be softened and changed every day that you may be more fully converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ. And then, turn outwards and seek to help others fill their lamps as well. With love and compassion, willingly become the Lord’s hands on the earth and a better servant in his service. As each of us does so and becomes a bit more Christlike in the process, we will all be counted among those who are prepared when the Savior comes. 

Love, 

Mom and Dad

A-Hunting We Will Go

The past several years have seen Malia doing a solo Easter egg hunt. We blame that solely on COVID. This year, with things finally edging more towards normalcy, my mom wanted to see everyone for Easter. For us, Easter Sunday is spent at home with Kevin’s parents joining us for dinner, so we decided to gather with my clan on Saturday for an egg hunt and lunch. We ended up being small in numbers, my parents, Esther, Rachael and Dave and three of their kids, and me and my little crew minus Nathan, were the only ones in attendance. While my mom would have liked to see everyone, the smaller numbers actually made things a bit calmer, which was nice. 

Daniel, Matthew and Drew hid all the eggs for Malia, Kate and Sam to find. They were pretty clever in terms of hiding places and had to give a few hints to the younger crew. I had stuffed the majority of the plastic eggs with tiny stuffed animals and some little squishy animals that are all the rage right now with the elementary school set. The stuffed animals were far and away the most favored though, with even Matthew claiming a tiny lion as his own.

We also took the opportunity to have a small celebration for my mom’s birthday, which was two days ago. I made her a coconut bundt cake and fancied it up to have an Easter theme. Two birds, one stone, right? Anyway, it was a super simple cake with super simple decorations, and it was delicious. I haven’t made this particular cake for a long time and had forgotten how moist it is. My little crew and I have decided that we need to revisit some old favorites for our FHE treats for awhile instead of trying new things as there are many little gems buried in the depths of my cookbook.

It’s always nice to be able to gather with family. I think that in times past I took that for granted, but that is one more thing that COVID has changed. Like so many other things, being cut off from family and friends for so long has opened my eyes to what a blessing it is to be able to gather with the ones we love. 

And as a side note, Malia did in fact make Jell-o eggs this evening.