It Takes Time

For the past thirteen years, we have been in the same ward. There has been an enormous amount of building happening in our community over that period of time, but as the construction of new homes has ranged farther and farther from our own little neighborhood, the boundary changes have really slowed down. The last one that affected us was a hard one, particularly for Daniel and for me. Kevin generally takes unexpected changes in stride better than I do, Matthew was too young to really care, and Malia was only a few months old, so she really didn’t care. Despite the challenges that the change brought, over time we saw many blessings as well. But it took time.

This past Sunday it was announced that there would be some changes to our ward boundaries again. And honestly, it was not a big surprise for us. Our ward has been slowly shrinking and it has gotten to the point where we don’t even have enough people to fill all the callings. Our leadership has kept the vital callings staffed, but some of the less important callings have been vacant for years. For example, we have had no ward choir since pre Covid and there is no activities committee in our ward. I know it has actually been difficult to get people to accept callings as well, so our ward has been struggling for some time. 

As Kevin and I talked about the specifics of what those changes could be, we figured there were two options: 1) boundaries would be redrawn to add members to our ward or 2) our ward would be carved up and added to other existing wards. Realistically, option #2 seemed more likely, but in the depths of my heart, I was hoping that option #1 would be what actually happened. You see, it takes me a long time to make friends. I’m an introvert by nature and I’m also a very private person, so it just takes me a long while to learn to trust people with the important parts of myself. The past year has been really difficult for me due to all the migraines, but over that time, the Lord has built an amazing support system of sisters in the ward for me, and I have shared all my challenges and worries and tears with them. They have become my emotional support humans, and I know that I have filled that role for them as well. It has taken me a long time to get to this point of friendship with these ladies, and my heart was really hoping we would be able to stay together.

The meeting to announce the specifics of the changes was on Wednesday evening and the most likely option was the one that actually occurred. Our beloved ward of the past thirteen years has been officially dissolved and we have all been absorbed into other wards. My little support group and I are now in three different wards. Needless to say, that has been a bit of an emotional blow for me. There have been tears shed. I know this change is in accordance with the Lord’s will and I know that it will be for our good, but that doesn’t mean I’m not sad. And while I also know that being in different wards doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, it is harder when you don’t see each other regularly like we do when we are in the same ward. 

The past several days have been hard for Matthew and Malia too. This is really the first time they’ve had to deal with a ward change of any kind and there has been a lot of stress and worry about how things will be. Malia in particular is concerned about not having friends in the ward because the two girls she has been spending the most time with during young women classes and activities are both in a different ward. In addition, her trusted young women leaders are scattered throughout the three wards and not knowing any of the adults in the organization is worrying her. Matthew’s concerns are not quite as volatile and while it is a big, potentially stressful change, he is also hopeful that it will be good. 

Sunday will be our first day in the new ward and then Kevin and I are off to Hawaii first thing on Monday morning. The timing is just the worst that it could be because we will be leaving our stressed-out kids home alone for ten days after this big bombshell. We have made arrangements for both kids to attend church with family members on the Sunday we are gone though, because dropping them into a new ward and then making them attend sans parents just seems too, too hard. So Malia will be with Kate, her most favorite cousin ever, and Matthew is planning to go to church with Cory, Kevin’s brother, and his family.

Adjusting to change takes time and I know that. I’m not great at adapting to change quickly and over the past several days, I’ve talked and commiserated and cried with multiple friends. But overall, I think this will be a good change as our ward was really struggling just because we had gotten so small. I just need to be patient and over time, I’m sure I’ll find my place in this new ward. I’m sure we all will. But we can be hopeful and sad at the same time.