Painting Paves a Path…Hopefully

Malia is still not sure about the new ward. And I can’t say that I blame her. Not only is it still really new, but it is far larger than our previous ward. And obviously, our previous ward was quite small and the only ward she has ever known. So, she is nervous and uncertain and ill at ease. I went with her to her midweek young women last week and it turned out ok, but I don’t think she would have even gone without me. She did find one girl that she met at girls’ camp this summer, one that she clicked with very quickly, and that helped a ton. So, she was more willing to go to the activity this week. Especially since the activity this week was painting pumpkins, and the word “paint” is like the call of the wild for Malia. 

She chose a simple, yet effective, design for her pumpkin and I think it turned out great. And she came home wearing a smile, which is fantastic! So hopefully she is on her way to finding her place in this ward.

It Takes Time

For the past thirteen years, we have been in the same ward. There has been an enormous amount of building happening in our community over that period of time, but as the construction of new homes has ranged farther and farther from our own little neighborhood, the boundary changes have really slowed down. The last one that affected us was a hard one, particularly for Daniel and for me. Kevin generally takes unexpected changes in stride better than I do, Matthew was too young to really care, and Malia was only a few months old, so she really didn’t care. Despite the challenges that the change brought, over time we saw many blessings as well. But it took time.

This past Sunday it was announced that there would be some changes to our ward boundaries again. And honestly, it was not a big surprise for us. Our ward has been slowly shrinking and it has gotten to the point where we don’t even have enough people to fill all the callings. Our leadership has kept the vital callings staffed, but some of the less important callings have been vacant for years. For example, we have had no ward choir since pre Covid and there is no activities committee in our ward. I know it has actually been difficult to get people to accept callings as well, so our ward has been struggling for some time. 

As Kevin and I talked about the specifics of what those changes could be, we figured there were two options: 1) boundaries would be redrawn to add members to our ward or 2) our ward would be carved up and added to other existing wards. Realistically, option #2 seemed more likely, but in the depths of my heart, I was hoping that option #1 would be what actually happened. You see, it takes me a long time to make friends. I’m an introvert by nature and I’m also a very private person, so it just takes me a long while to learn to trust people with the important parts of myself. The past year has been really difficult for me due to all the migraines, but over that time, the Lord has built an amazing support system of sisters in the ward for me, and I have shared all my challenges and worries and tears with them. They have become my emotional support humans, and I know that I have filled that role for them as well. It has taken me a long time to get to this point of friendship with these ladies, and my heart was really hoping we would be able to stay together.

The meeting to announce the specifics of the changes was on Wednesday evening and the most likely option was the one that actually occurred. Our beloved ward of the past thirteen years has been officially dissolved and we have all been absorbed into other wards. My little support group and I are now in three different wards. Needless to say, that has been a bit of an emotional blow for me. There have been tears shed. I know this change is in accordance with the Lord’s will and I know that it will be for our good, but that doesn’t mean I’m not sad. And while I also know that being in different wards doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, it is harder when you don’t see each other regularly like we do when we are in the same ward. 

The past several days have been hard for Matthew and Malia too. This is really the first time they’ve had to deal with a ward change of any kind and there has been a lot of stress and worry about how things will be. Malia in particular is concerned about not having friends in the ward because the two girls she has been spending the most time with during young women classes and activities are both in a different ward. In addition, her trusted young women leaders are scattered throughout the three wards and not knowing any of the adults in the organization is worrying her. Matthew’s concerns are not quite as volatile and while it is a big, potentially stressful change, he is also hopeful that it will be good. 

Sunday will be our first day in the new ward and then Kevin and I are off to Hawaii first thing on Monday morning. The timing is just the worst that it could be because we will be leaving our stressed-out kids home alone for ten days after this big bombshell. We have made arrangements for both kids to attend church with family members on the Sunday we are gone though, because dropping them into a new ward and then making them attend sans parents just seems too, too hard. So Malia will be with Kate, her most favorite cousin ever, and Matthew is planning to go to church with Cory, Kevin’s brother, and his family.

Adjusting to change takes time and I know that. I’m not great at adapting to change quickly and over the past several days, I’ve talked and commiserated and cried with multiple friends. But overall, I think this will be a good change as our ward was really struggling just because we had gotten so small. I just need to be patient and over time, I’m sure I’ll find my place in this new ward. I’m sure we all will. But we can be hopeful and sad at the same time. 

The Elusive Lemon Bar

Over the years, I’ve gotten pretty good at cooking and baking without all the foods that will kill Matthew. Some things have been a bit trickier to figure out than others though. Meringue, for instance. A decade ago, the idea of using bean juice as meringue never once came up in any of the tips and tricks I was constantly looking for. And oddly enough, I really had a hard time creating a good, light coconut cake. Again, it’s the lack of those egg whites, which all the coconut layer cake recipes seem to use. Another thing that has been elusive is the lovely lemon bar. I’ve tried making them with a variety of egg replacements, used a variety of recipes, and just never really found anything that worked well. And that was a shame because I love lemon bars. As a teenager, they were one of my go-to dessert contributions. And Matthew loves lemons as well so I knew he would be a fan if I could ever make some good ones.

Then last year, I came across a vegan cookbook I had not seen before. I generally don’t have much use for most vegan cookbooks. Not only do I cook with meat and without nuts, but most vegan recipes I’ve come across use lots of special ingredients, things that a normal home cook won’t have on hand. And honestly, I am not about using things like dates to sweeten all my desserts or nutritional yeast to give things a “cheese-like” flavor. I want to bake like any normal person would, just without the milk, eggs, and nuts. So this cookbook was interesting because not only was it all about desserts, the recipes it contained used common household ingredients, things I could get at any grocery store. Things like normal flour, normal sugar, white vinegar, and nary a date in sight.

I checked it out from the library so I could test drive a few recipes before committing to the purchase price, and while the cake recipes were nothing all that special, there were other dessert options with which I was very pleased, things like a dairy free coconut cream pie that was creamy and not Jello like and a luscious lemon raspberry tart that was as beautiful as it was delicious. And there was a recipe for lemon bars. I think that was one of the tipping points as far as purchasing the cookbook was concerned. 

Today is my birthday and while the past few years have seen me eating cheesecake on my big day, this year I was in the mood for something a little lighter. Enter the new lemon bar recipe. It requires at least an 8-hour setting time in the fridge, so I made the bars yesterday and have been anxiously awaiting the moment of truth. I honestly considered sneaking a taste early in the day, but decided to wait and enjoy them with my family. And the wait was well worth it. While they lack the creaminess that the traditional egg custard version has, they were lovely and lemony, not too stiff, tartness well balanced by a good amount of powdered sugar on top and the crust was a nice shortbread. These will definitely be gracing our table again in the future.

As always, family members have sent me texts or called to wish me a happy birthday. That is expected from my amazing family. But unexpectedly, I have received a multitude of birthday wishes from ladies in my ward. The weekly Relief Society announcements were sent today and that certainly put me in everyone’s minds, but still, I was surprised by how many ladies feel like they know me well enough and care enough to send me a message. Honestly, I was touched. 

I feel amazingly blessed to be surrounded by such a wonderful group of gospel sisters. When our ward boundaries changed a decade ago, the switch to this ward was very hard for me. Over the ensuing years I’ve seen the blessings that have come into my children’s lives because of that change, but I haven’t really seen them for myself. I have always felt like I have acquaintances in this ward but not any real friends. But today, I’ve discovered that I’m wrong. And I strongly suspect that the years I spent serving in the Relief Society presidency have been a bit part of what has changed for me. As I served, I got to know many of the sisters in the ward better. I became more familiar with their families. I learned about many of their struggles. I was in contact with them nonstop all the way through the Covid shutdown. And over that time, I developed a love for them that has been a blessing for me. And when you learn to love others, it doesn’t stop just because you are released from a calling. So finally, ten years later, I can finally see the blessings that have come to me because I’m in this ward. And I can extend some heartfelt words of gratitude to the Lord for putting me here and for helping me see his hand in it.

I feel like today has been a great birthday. There was no cake, but there were lemon bars. There were no presents, but that’s ok because I don’t really need anything. There were no cards, but there were a multitude of digital birthday greetings. I also don’t mind getting older, as I feel like I earn valuable experience for each year I live and I wear that experience as a badge of honor. The only part of getting older I really dislike is the fact that my body is starting to betray me. But that is an unavoidable side effect of mortality. And while I may not be happy about needing bifocals, I can accept it.

Oh, and as a side note, Kevin finally finished up his ten days of masking and testing due to Covid exposure, so I got to give him a big hug and a kiss. Best birthday present I could have asked for.

Better Than I Had Hoped

When all the wards in our stake were re-organized last year I was pretty unsure about how things were going to be for my family. In particular, I was concerned about Daniel. He is not a terribly social creature and both the boys who he played with and who could get him to come out of his solitary happiness were no longer in our ward. For the first year after the change, Daniel pretty much hung out alone. And then he turned twelve and joined the deacons quorum on our ward. In the past six months, he is no longer alone all the time. The other boys in his quorum call to invite him to attend parties and go on fishing trips. They show up at the door to get him to come hang out. They give him the inside scoop about middle school so he is more excited than nervous. They include him in their comings and goings and he enjoys their company.

They showed up at the door again this evening to invite him to a spontaneous Studio C (For those who don't know, Studio C is a comedy show on BYUTV) marathon and it made me realize that while the ward change has been okay for the rest of us, it has been really good for Daniel.

I’m so grateful.

Are You Chicken Committed or Pig Committed?

Last week Sunday we were read the letter from the stake president about a special meeting that means ward boundary changes are going to happen.  Knowing that this is going to be a major change, much of what was said in church yesterday was about how to go forward with a good attitude and embrace the changes that are inevitable.  The gospel is, of course, true no matter what ward we are in or how the boundary lines are drawn.  Having change does not change the truthfulness of the message, but it can often be hard to accept the changes, especially when they take us out of our comfort zone or separate us from friends.  Our gospel doctrine teacher, who is a former bishop, put it all into words that I really liked.  He compared the gospel to a ham and eggs breakfast.  Random, I know, but stick with me.  To produce a ham and eggs breakfast, the chicken lays an egg and takes off.  The pig, however, lays down his life for that ham and eggs breakfast.  He then posed a question: are you chicken committed or pig committed?  Do we do our small part for the gospel and then take off when the going gets tough or do we give it our all and lay down our lives for the gospel?  He then reminded us that if we lay down our lives for the gospel, we will be blessed. 

I really like this particular analogy.  I think it can be applied to many different aspects of our lives.  So when the going gets tough, ask yourself, “Am I chicken committed or pig committed?”  And I would surely hope that when it comes right down to it I can proudly say that I am a porker. :-)

As for the results of our major boundary adjustments, the nine wards in our stake were re-organized into twelve wards.  Half our ward plus a street or two is still considered the same ward.  The other half plus a street or two is a brand new ward.  And a small section (our house included) is now part of another existing ward.  We still have the same bishop, but our next door neighbors are no longer in our ward.  Nathan lost a couple of friends to other wards, but gained a few school friends that he is excited about being in the same ward with.  Matthew’s two best little friends from preschool and primary are no longer in our ward, but I’m not really sure he will be affected much.  I’m still friends with their mothers and playing with them necessitates arranging a play date anyway so I really don’t think that he will find it much different.  Kev and I both find ourselves with many friends gone to other wards but a sprinkling of pals still with us.  Poor Daniel is the one who got hit the hardest.  Unlike Nathan, he doesn’t make friends easily and I have written more than once about how grateful I am that he has made a couple of really good friends here.  Unfortunately, his little trio now finds themselves in three different wards.  I cried for him.  And then when Kev and I came home and told him, Daniel cried and I cried some more.

I remember how hard it was being in this situation when a similar change happened before we moved out here.  While I really struggled for awhile over being separated from friends (I was pregnant with Matthew at the time which did not help my emotional stability), the changes presented new opportunities for many people and I ended up meeting many more wonderful gals (several of whom are probably reading this) who will have places in my heart forever.  I hope, for Daniel even more than for myself, that there are friends waiting to be made in this new ward.  And I’ll try all the harder to kick Daniel (who is a bit of a homebody) out the door to go find his buddies.