Righteous Desires

Nathan’s mission call came today. These crazy kids of the technology age have discovered that if they login to the missionary web portal and their mission email is set up their call is imminent, so we were fairly certain today would be the day. Nathan has been anxiously waiting and was more than ready to know where he has been assigned to serve. When I say anxious, I mean impatient though, not the super stressed out kind of anxious. In these times when temple appointments are rather hard to come by, he has been able to go to the temple every weekend for the past month. He has participated in all the ordinances and his time in the temple has left him with a feeling of calm. He has been calling it “still,” as in “be still and know that I am God.” (D&C 101:16) As soon as the stake president hit “submit” on Nathan’s mission papers, Nathan felt at peace and knew that he was doing exactly what the Lord wanted him to exactly at the right time. And all the time he has spent in the temple has helped him hold onto the stillness. I have been feeling less still, but I’ve had some tender mercies that have been perfectly timed and most gratefully received, so even I have been a lot less crazy the past few days than I would have expected.

One of Nathan’s greatest desires over the past year has been to serve an ASL (American Sign Language) mission. He didn’t care where he was sent, but he really wanted to “speak” ASL. I’ve already written about his accomplishment in earning the seal of biliteracy at the time of his graduation, so you already know that he picked up ASL amazingly fast. As he prepared for his first semester at USU, he took an ASL placement exam through the university so he would know which class to take. He tested into ASL 3 on the college level. On his first day of class, he discovered that he is the only freshman in ASL 3, one of only three men in his class, and the only one who got the jokes his instructor, who is deaf, tossed at them at the end of class. Nathan was laughing his head off and everyone else was looking at him like he was crazy. Immediately following class, he had a rash of requests for his contact info so that he could help people by being in study groups with them. Overall, he made a fantastic first impression on both his professor and his classmates.

As I’ve said before, this skill has come incredibly easily to him. He has gotten to the point where he doesn’t have to translate in his head anymore. He just thinks in ASL. He has always talked with his hands and lately there are times when he’s talking and signing at the same time without realizing it. He has even had dreams that were in ASL. So when I say this has become a living language for him, I’m not exaggerating. I have come to see it as a gift that he has been given. I was talking to my sister Rachael a couple weeks ago and she described it as the gift of tongues. I had not thought of it under that moniker, but when she said it, it felt completely accurate.

A few days ago, Nathan told me that he felt bad about wanting to serve an ASL mission so much. In all my motherly wisdom, I assured him that his desire to use the gift the Lord has given him to serve others is a righteous desire and that he should not feel bad about it. In fact, his great desire to serve is a good thing. As for whether or not the Lord would ask Nathan to use the ASL now or if it would come at some point in the future, we would have to wait and see. The Lord knows what is best for Nathan and “all things shall work together for good to them who stand uprightly.” (D&C 100:15) I have been praying that Nathan would have an opportunity to use his ASL but would never presume to know all and left things in the Lord’s hands. It’s not like I could do otherwise, but I knew that wherever the Lord sent Nathan would be the exact right place and expressing that trust in the Lord was what I needed to do to bring peace to my own heart. And honestly, I was kind of afraid to hope that Nathan would be called to serve in ASL. He wanted it so much that my mama heart was afraid that there would be some disappointment for both of us if his desire was not realized. Disappointment for Nathan about not being able to use this gift he has been given and disappointment for me because it would be so hard to see him deal with yet another disappointment after all those he has weathered in the past three years.

Nathan and four of his five roommates drove down this evening so he could read his call at home with his family. Daniel made a mad dash homeward as soon as marching band was over so he could be here as well. My parents and Kevin’s parents were here as was Nathan’s high school friend Blake. We had numerous friends and family join us via three different live streams. Gotta love technology and the ease we all have with live streaming events. That’s a COVID side effect for sure! Anyway, we had Zoom, Facebook and Instagram running on three different devices so everyone who desired could participate in the event while we were doing what we could to stop the spread of the virus and protect our loved ones. I was actually feeling pretty calm all things considered, which I firmly attribute to the Lord. Some of Nathan’s “still” had crept into my heart and I didn’t even start to feel the least bit anxious until Nathan started reading.

When Nathan read that he was being called to serve in the Texas Fort Worth mission there was dead silence. And then he continued to read that he would be teaching in American Sign Language and the room erupted. Bless his dear roommates for their support of him. They let out a roar of excitement and the rest of us were not far behind. I only cried a little, which is a huge accomplishment for me, and Nathan’s grin lit the entire room. As he traveled back to school later this evening, he told me via text that he felt like he was on top of the world. He just knew that everything was working out just right. I’m so proud of him for the faith and trust he has placed in the Lord. He has been blessed. The Lord has given him the righteous desires of his heart.

My heart is full to bursting with gratitude tonight.