It’s My Blog and I’ll Whine If I Want To

Over the last few days as we have let people know about Malia’s allergic reaction over the weekend, the overwhelming response has been, “Malia is allergic to peanuts? Oh, well. You already have Matthew so it’s no big deal.” To me, that is like saying, “You were in a car accident? Oh, well. Your brother was in a car accident last year so it’s no big deal.” I’ve had only a few people who actually responded with some of the sorrow that I actually feel. And of course, that is one of the reasons I love those people.

Let me assure you that this is a big deal to us. Yes, we already have Matthew and I’m so glad we knew what we were dealing with and knew what to do. Yes, Malia will have a brother who totally understands what she is dealing with and in emotional moments will probably hit her with, “At least you’re only allergic to peanuts! I’ve got it way worse than you!” Yes, I know how to work around that at home and have years of practice reading labels to make sure things are safe. Yes, I’m very familiar with all the forms and hoops that having an allergy kid at school entails. So yes, in so many ways this is not a big deal for us.

However, this is a huge deal for Malia. This is one of those life changing moments when things will never be just the same as they were before. She is young enough that she doesn’t yet understand just how much things will need to change. She’s already had some sad moments. She can’t eat M&M’s anymore. We don’t feel comfortable feeding her one of the Japanese food items we eat frequently because it is manufactured outside of the U.S. where the food labeling laws are not the same. She actually laid her head down on Kev’s arm and cried over that one. We had to swap out the treats her primary teachers gave her for Valentine’s Day because they were not safe. And unfortunately, this is just the beginning.

To put it concisely, the food allergy mama in me needs some time to grieve. Yes, the grief will lessen over time and we’ll make the best of things like we always do, but part of being a food allergy mom is always having a bit of sorrow in my heart that I can’t change things for my little ones.