I'm in a Funk

I have tried a lot of different approaches to treating my headaches over the years. About a year ago I started seeing a headache specialist and after giving her the rundown of everything I’d tried, she started tossing new ideas at me. In October I started taking a new medication. This doctor’s theory on medications is to give it six weeks and if there has been no improvement increase the dose and give it another six weeks. If there is still no improvement, that med is probably not going to help so it is time to try something else. So I started the new med and six weeks later there had been no improvement so we increased the dose. The next two weeks were rough. I had more headaches than usual, they were more severe and they were lasting longer. But I stuck with it knowing that sometimes it can take a while to adjust to a new drug. After two weeks, things improved. Instead of having a headache two thirds of my days, it was down to about half my days and the headaches I was having were much less severe and were not lasting as long. So after the first six weeks I did another couple of months to make sure that first stretch wasn’t a fluke. And it wasn’t. It really was improving.

With some definite improvement as a motivator, my doctor increased the dose again hoping to see even more improvement. Again, the first weeks were rough. For about a month things were pretty hard. And then it got better. In twelve days I had only two headaches, neither of which were very severe. In addition, I know exactly what triggered both of them. That hasn’t happened in years. And not just a couple of years, years in the double digits. I was feeling so good that I was able to finish Malia’s baby book, a project that got set aside two years ago because it got to the point where I could only sit at the computer for five or ten minutes before I started to feel the beginnings of a headache. (It’s all printed and everything. I think it turned out fabulous.) Unfortunately, I was also having some pretty severe side effects. They were severe enough that it warranted a change of medication.

Yesterday was my first day off the original med and I woke up at 4:00 this morning with a raging migraine. To say that I’m frustrated doesn’t really begin to express how I feel. I’ve been dealing with these chronic headaches for nearly twenty years. I’ve tried numerous medications, lifestyle changes, food eliminations, etc. I choose not to participate in activities knowing that if I do I’ll end up with a migraine. I feel like I plan my entire life around the probability of headaches. So I’m discouraged. I’m frustrated. I’m worn out from the rough parts of the mediation trials. My doctor has switched me to a new medication that is in the same category as the previous one hoping for similar results with fewer side effects so I’m back to square one. I expect the next little while to be rough. I’m usually pretty okay with that because I can keep the big picture in mind, but after having my life back for a little while, it’s hard not to see this as a huge step backwards.

So if I’m in a pithy mood for the next little while and missing out on more activities and gatherings than I have in the past few months, at least you’ll know why…