For the First Time Ever, I Have Warm Feelings Towards Walmart

Over the past 10 years, I’ve gotten pretty good at feeding Matthew. but a large part of that is being able to find the right products. Margarine has always been a hard one because most margarines have milk in them. The brand that we have used for years is Nucoa. It hasn’t been easy to find and over time, I have been able to find it at fewer and fewer stores. I had been driving across town to find it and usually purchased a couple dozen boxes at a time and stored them in the freezer. But about 6 or 7 months ago, Nucoa was no longer available at the place I had been buying it. So the search began. I checked all the stores, searched online, inquired about special ordering it, etc. Unfortunately, I had no success. There is one other brand of margarine that works for Matthew, but it is definitely not my preferred brand. It is $5 a box. When it melts it acts more like water than butter. And it doesn’t even taste buttery. But it was our only option so that is what we’ve been using and every time I buy a box, I have to ignore the sticker shock.

Even though I’ve checked all the stores, I always give the shelves a quick check when I’m shopping just in case of the miraculous appearance of a new, cheaper option. Today while I was at Walmart, I happened to see this:

It was our beloved margarine. And it was $1.67 a box. I was so grateful that I cried, right there in the dairy section of Walmart. And then I loaded up my cart. I asked for the dairy manager to express my supreme happiness about having Nucoa in the store and when I explained to him why it is such a big deal, he told me he’d keep it stocked and asked if there are other products that we need that they carry. In the past year, there have been several specialty items that have shown up that we can use, so I shared those with him and expressed my appreciation for having them in the store.

Walmart is definitely not my favorite place to shop. There are a variety of frustrations involved such as poorly stocked shelves, few options in terms of brands, very few Matthew safe store brand items, etc. But today, for probably the first time ever. I was happy in Walmart.

My life is full of tender mercies from the Lord and although I’m sure most people would not classify margarine as a blessing, for us this is definitely a tender mercy.

Ready, Set, Educate!

Today was the big day. The first day of school for Malia. Matthew started yesterday and since it has only been three weeks since the end of the last school year, everything was pretty much status quo for him.  In spite of her food anxiety, Malia was pretty darn excited. First grade is a big step. She was up and ready to go in record time, decked out in her brand new first day of school outfit. (We did a bit of shopping last week to help her feel like there was something to do prepare so she has a first day of school outfit, a second day of school outfit and a new backpack. She opted to keep her old lunchbox which goes right along with my theory that lunch at school is freaking her out.) As is normal for her, when she is excited she gets kind of crazy.

Malia’s very first 1st grade homework was completing an “All About Me” poster that she got at her orientation yesterday. It included a place for her to draw a picture of her family and her picture made me laugh out loud. The blue line is so she would get all out heights right, which she did, but I think the funniest part is the fact that she drew Kevin’s stubble. He shaves when he feels like it and not every day so it is actually a pretty accurate look for him.

I drove her to school at her request, but honestly, once we got to her line up location she dropped her backpack, hollered a quick “Bye Mom!” and was on her way to the playground. I had to call her back just to take a picture (where she was looking into the sun, of course). Really, she was ready to go.

By the time she got home this afternoon, she was tired. Very, very tired. All day is a long time for these little ones. But she was also happy. She enjoyed herself and even lunch wasn’t too bad. Her friend Renee, who was in her class last year and who is also allergic to peanuts, is in her class again this year so she had someone to sit with at the nut free table. That was enormously helpful.

So we’re off to a good start. Hopefully it will stay that way.

Food Fears

Malia has been freaking out about food for the past couple of months. She has gone from appropriate caution to extreme fear. For example, at last night’s block party, Raylee’s grandma had popsicles for the kids. She knows Malia has a peanut allergy so she set the box aside so I could read it. I checked it out and all was well. But my word was not good enough for Malia. She had to go dig the box out of the garbage and watch me read it. And then she asked about five times if I was sure it was ok. By the time she decided to try the popsicle, it was halfway melted. And this happens all the time. She won’t eat things that she normally eats all the time. Even when I cook at home she has started asking repeatedly if I’m sure it’s safe for her.

I think her severe anxiety is caused by the prospect of eating lunch at school without me. Even though we’ve eaten lunch at the school on numerous occasions, I’ve always been there with her. But as a first grader, she will be sans Mom at lunch time and I think it is freaking her out. During dinner tonight, completely out of the blue, she asked about our young neighbor who passed away in January after going into anaphylactic shock caused by a cookie he ate. She asked me what he was allergic to and that is when I began to realize just how deep her fear runs.

Being a food allergy mom is hard, but being a food allergy kid is infinitely more difficult. I worry when they are eating away from me in different locations and with different adults (birthday parties, for instance). I get anxious every time they try a food they have not eaten before. I endlessly read and reread labels to make sure that what I offer them is safe. I closely follow food recalls and always check to make sure items in our pantry are still safe. When in doubt, I call companies and ask questions. I do a lot of work to make sure they are safe. But when it comes right down to it, they are the ones who have to put the food in their mouths. And it is scary. Especially when these little ones have such a realistic view of their own mortality. For most five-year-olds, the concept of death is pretty nebulous. But for Malia, it has become a specter that hangs over her head every time she eats. And try as I might, I can’t fix it. I can only educate her and prepare her and help her feel as confident as possible about her food choices. It is going to take some time.

In the past year or so, Matthew has finally started feeling confident in his own ability to make good choices. He has always been very cautious, but being a good enough reader to make sense of food labels is what has really given him a boost of confidence in his own ability. He still double checks with me, but he’s much for comfortable eating things away from home. He has been an amazing role model for Malia and hopefully knowing that he is at the school and can come to her if she needs will help her feel not so afraid and alone. I’m also hoping that she will adjust quickly and regain her sense of security as she becomes more familiar with her new environment and routine. Our school has been amazing to work with as a food allergy family and I know they will do what they can to help her feel safe. But it may take a while. We’ll see. For now, we’ll pack lunch at home, provide her with a bin of safe snacks to keep in the classroom and try to reassure her that all will be well.

Malia’s Top 5 Signs of a Good Block Party

5. The street was closed so she could walk and even ride her bike right in the middle of the street.

4. A bike parade for which she got to decorate her bike.

3. An excuse to wear her best patriotic garb.

2. Face painting.

1. Raylee, her best friend that moved away a year ago, has a grandmother who lives down the street and Raylee came to the party!

Malia’s Latest Excuse for Reading in Her Bed Even When She Isn’t Supposed To

“I don’t have enough energy to sleep!”

There’s No Business

This past year, Nathan was on the stage crew at the middle school and absolutely loved it. When an opportunity arose for him to be on the stage crew for our community’s summer show, he jumped at the chance. The middle school drama teacher was heading up the crew and there were other kids from the school involved as well, so it was a chance for him to hang out with some friends as well. There was some drama (on as well as off the stage), a lot of late nights and a generous amount of stress, but overall I think it was a good experience for him. He learned a lot about how a director can cause unity or dissention in a cast and crew, how to work with people who are not terribly reliable, and how to do some super cool things with sets.

The show was “The Little Mermaid,” so Malia thought the whole thing was pretty darn cool. She even got to meet the cast. Malia was so impressed by the whole thing that she has changed her Halloween Costume 5 Year Plan (something she has never done before) and decided she would push Belle’s yellow dress to next year and do Ariel’s pink dress this year.

See the Nathan Photo Bomb?

Nathan will be glad when the whole thing is over. He is a morning person by nature and all the late (late, late) nights are starting to get to him.

It Was Sort of Gouda

So fake cheese is actually a thing. I’ve known about it for about 10 years now and although I’ve seen a number of different varieties in the stores, we have never eaten them because they always have either small amounts of milk (these cater to the vegan crowd rather than the food allergy one) or pea protein (these are for the food allergy community as peas are often used as a replacement for soy). Since Matthew is allergic to both milk and peas, fake cheese has never been an option for him. But last week I happened to spot a brand I hadn’t seen before and wonder of all wonders, it is Matthew friendly. He was super-duper excited and today was the very first ever in his whole entire life grilled (faux) cheese sandwich. I was surprised to see that the fake cheddar actually melted. I honestly did not expect that. But it did. It looked like real cheese. And it didn’t taste too bad either which is amazing in and of itself.

Matthew liked the crispy, meltiness of the sandwich, but after a couple of bites he cracked it open and added some ham. The cheese-like-substance was not to his liking by itself, but he thought it was okay with other flavors. So we tried. He didn’t love it. But it was something new, something that had been completely off his menu in the past. And anything new that is safe is always worth a try.

Recreational Education

Matthew just finished up 4th grade and unlike Daniel and Nathan (and all the 4th graders I taught many years ago), he was not required to do a county report. I think he was okay about not actually having the assignment, but he remembers Daniel and Nathan taking a day trip to visit their assigned counties and seeing some pretty cool stuff and he was kind of bummed that he didn’t get to do that. Luckily for him, there was absolutely no reason not to get him out to see some of the neat stuff that our state has to offer so today Kevin took Matthew (and Daniel and Malia) to the Golden Spike National Monument at Promontory Point. (Nathan was doing stage crew for the community summer theater production and wouldn’t have made his call time and summer heat=migraine for me, so the two of us stayed home.) Unfortunately, there was damage to the train tracks so the trains weren’t being used in the re-enactment, but because they weren’t actually running the trains, they were able to climb into the trains so that was a good trade off. That had a good time.