Who's the Leader?

Our elementary school uses the “Leader in Me” program to teach citizenship and character development. They teach seven habits (things like “put first things first” and “begin with the end in mind”) and each week they choose one child from each grade who has been living the seven habits as the Leader of the Week. Today Malia came home from school, showed me a bunch of prizes and said that during the announcements they announced her name for her birthday. However, Matthew said they announce birthdays every day and not just on Fridays so I was kind of confused but figured it wasn’t worth dwelling on. While we were eating dinner this evening, the assistant principal called to let us know that Malia had been chosen as the leader of the week for the whole first grade. She told us that Malia is such a cute girl and she is already showing leadership skills. Malia had her picture taken this morning and it will be posted on the leader wall which stays the same for the entire school year. Matthew said they announce the grade leaders each day and then we heard the following exchange:

Matthew: “I didn’t hear it. I didn’t know.”
Malia: “Me either!”

We laughed. She’s awesome. 😊

Ready, Set, Educate!

Today was the big day. The first day of school for Malia. Matthew started yesterday and since it has only been three weeks since the end of the last school year, everything was pretty much status quo for him.  In spite of her food anxiety, Malia was pretty darn excited. First grade is a big step. She was up and ready to go in record time, decked out in her brand new first day of school outfit. (We did a bit of shopping last week to help her feel like there was something to do prepare so she has a first day of school outfit, a second day of school outfit and a new backpack. She opted to keep her old lunchbox which goes right along with my theory that lunch at school is freaking her out.) As is normal for her, when she is excited she gets kind of crazy.

Malia’s very first 1st grade homework was completing an “All About Me” poster that she got at her orientation yesterday. It included a place for her to draw a picture of her family and her picture made me laugh out loud. The blue line is so she would get all out heights right, which she did, but I think the funniest part is the fact that she drew Kevin’s stubble. He shaves when he feels like it and not every day so it is actually a pretty accurate look for him.

I drove her to school at her request, but honestly, once we got to her line up location she dropped her backpack, hollered a quick “Bye Mom!” and was on her way to the playground. I had to call her back just to take a picture (where she was looking into the sun, of course). Really, she was ready to go.

By the time she got home this afternoon, she was tired. Very, very tired. All day is a long time for these little ones. But she was also happy. She enjoyed herself and even lunch wasn’t too bad. Her friend Renee, who was in her class last year and who is also allergic to peanuts, is in her class again this year so she had someone to sit with at the nut free table. That was enormously helpful.

So we’re off to a good start. Hopefully it will stay that way.

Food Fears

Malia has been freaking out about food for the past couple of months. She has gone from appropriate caution to extreme fear. For example, at last night’s block party, Raylee’s grandma had popsicles for the kids. She knows Malia has a peanut allergy so she set the box aside so I could read it. I checked it out and all was well. But my word was not good enough for Malia. She had to go dig the box out of the garbage and watch me read it. And then she asked about five times if I was sure it was ok. By the time she decided to try the popsicle, it was halfway melted. And this happens all the time. She won’t eat things that she normally eats all the time. Even when I cook at home she has started asking repeatedly if I’m sure it’s safe for her.

I think her severe anxiety is caused by the prospect of eating lunch at school without me. Even though we’ve eaten lunch at the school on numerous occasions, I’ve always been there with her. But as a first grader, she will be sans Mom at lunch time and I think it is freaking her out. During dinner tonight, completely out of the blue, she asked about our young neighbor who passed away in January after going into anaphylactic shock caused by a cookie he ate. She asked me what he was allergic to and that is when I began to realize just how deep her fear runs.

Being a food allergy mom is hard, but being a food allergy kid is infinitely more difficult. I worry when they are eating away from me in different locations and with different adults (birthday parties, for instance). I get anxious every time they try a food they have not eaten before. I endlessly read and reread labels to make sure that what I offer them is safe. I closely follow food recalls and always check to make sure items in our pantry are still safe. When in doubt, I call companies and ask questions. I do a lot of work to make sure they are safe. But when it comes right down to it, they are the ones who have to put the food in their mouths. And it is scary. Especially when these little ones have such a realistic view of their own mortality. For most five-year-olds, the concept of death is pretty nebulous. But for Malia, it has become a specter that hangs over her head every time she eats. And try as I might, I can’t fix it. I can only educate her and prepare her and help her feel as confident as possible about her food choices. It is going to take some time.

In the past year or so, Matthew has finally started feeling confident in his own ability to make good choices. He has always been very cautious, but being a good enough reader to make sense of food labels is what has really given him a boost of confidence in his own ability. He still double checks with me, but he’s much for comfortable eating things away from home. He has been an amazing role model for Malia and hopefully knowing that he is at the school and can come to her if she needs will help her feel not so afraid and alone. I’m also hoping that she will adjust quickly and regain her sense of security as she becomes more familiar with her new environment and routine. Our school has been amazing to work with as a food allergy family and I know they will do what they can to help her feel safe. But it may take a while. We’ll see. For now, we’ll pack lunch at home, provide her with a bin of safe snacks to keep in the classroom and try to reassure her that all will be well.