To Suck Or Not To Suck: That Is The Question

Our vacuum doesn’t suck. And while not sucking is an admirable quality in pretty much everything else, it turns the vacuum into a glorified coat rack. The vacuum used to suck, but it sucked a little too much and now there is a plastic squid stuck somewhere deep in its bowels. So while the sucking mechanism probably still works great, a squid can be a mighty obstruction. In addition, one of the axles got broken when we moved last year and although it still rolls, you have to push it mighty hard to keep it moving. The compartment that holds the bag is held on with a zip tie. And the crevice tool disappeared about two years ago when Matthew went through a phase where playing with the vacuum cleaner attachments was the height of entertainment. I was hoping I would find it when we moved last year, but had no luck. All these things lead to the inevitable conclusion that it is time for a new vacuum.

So I got online and started researching. I found a vacuum that will suit our needs, is definitely in our price range, and gets great user reviews. I got a rockin’ deal at Amazon and was super excited when the new vacuum arrived. About two days after we got it, Nathan was vacuuming and came to tell me something about lights on the vacuum. Now this is a basic model vacuum. It doesn’t have any lights anywhere. So I went to check it out and sure enough, lights. And not in a good way. Every time we turned the power switch to the off position, sparks were very clearly visible along the sides of the switch. Sparks in electronics are never good. So we packed it back up, initiated a return through Amazon, and dropped it off at the UPS Store.

Three days later we got our replacement vac from Amazon. Kev took it out of the box, turned it on, and guess what? Sparks! So in an attempt to get more info so I could decide whether or not to pursue this particular model or find a different one, I e-mailed Hoover through their website to see if the sparks are a known problem. Their response? “I don’t show a service center in your area. Please call for further assistance.” Wow. Didn’t even touch my actual question. So I got on their website, located a service center (Ummm, duh?), and called. The repairman told me that there has been a recall on the switch and that they would repair it under warranty. Good news, right? You’d think so, but when Kev picked it up after it was fixed, there were still sparks. But he was smart enough to check it out while he was still at the service center, so he just left it there and they said they would fix it . . . again.

After the second repair the sparks are mostly gone, only making a rare appearance. Kev can fix it if it comes right down to it, so we’ve decided to keep the vacuum. Hopefully it will continue to suck for a good long time without developing any unexpected fire starting skills.

The Light and The Blight

Have you ever wondered how many of our lifelong neurosis are caused by trauma inflicted upon us by our siblings? Even though we can't remember all the things that happen when we are young and impressionable, I believe that many of our fears and anxieties can be directly linked to experiences in our formative years. Many of which are undoubtedly caused by our siblings. Right now I am having a picture in my mind of Matthew at age 30, so unnerved by the vacuum that he can't force himself to pull the thing out and help his poor overworked wife clean the carpet. I'll give you one guess as to which sibling caused his lifelong trauma. As I'm sure most of you suspected, Nathan is the culprit. No surprise there. Matthew is the light and the blight of his four year old world.

Matthew used to have a very healthy relationship with our vacuum. He would chase it around, try to push it, pull it over on himself, etc. But about two weeks ago, that all changed. Nathan turned on the vacuum without warning, startling Matthew. And then he proceeded to chase Matthew with the vacuum while Matthew attempted to get away as fast as he could toddle. But Nathan was faster and relentless and eventually trapped Matthew in the corner of the bedroom with the vacuum (still turned on of course). There was shrieking such as I have never heard that day. And Matthew has not recovered. Every time he sees the vacuum, he runs for cover (or for Daddy if Kev is home).

Today I made Nathan vacuum the floor after lunch due to the enormously high volume of cracker crumbs all over the carpet. As soon as Nathan opened the closet to get out the vacuum, Matthew high tailed it to the point in the room farthest from the vacuum. I was washing dishes so I didn't hear Nathan approach, but all of a sudden Matthew complained. I turned around and Nathan had Matthew trapped in the corner of the kitchen with the vacuum. It wasn't on, but Matthew was still very nervous. Anyway, Nathan got reprimanded for scaring his brother, told not to do it again, to please just vacuum the floor, etc. But all he heard was, "Blah, blah, blah," because as soon as he was done cleaning up the crumbs, he had the vacuum aimed at Matthew again. I reprimanded him again, telling him that it is just plain mean and he is the reason Matthew is afraid of the vacuum and just get done and put the thing away! So he unplugged it, rolled the cord up, waited until I wasn't looking and then instead of rolling the vacuum back into the closet, pushed it all the way across the room to position it right in front of Matthew again. By then poor Matthew had that deer in the headlights look. So Nathan and I had what my dad refers to as a "Come to Jesus" talk. I asked my four year old if Jesus would want him scaring Matthew with the vacuum. Nathan answered in the negative of course, because he is not a stupid kid. Then I asked him if it makes Jesus happy when he scares his brother on purpose. Again Nathan knew the right answer. I reminded him to be nice because that is what Jesus wants us to do. Fortunately for me, this week's family home evening lesson was on just this topic so I had a recent conversation to remind him of.

Thus ended today's vacuum terror, but I'm sure that in another dark moment, Nathan will be at it again. Poor Matthew doesn't stand a chance.

Here is a fine visual example of Nathan with his light . . .

. . .and his blight.