Potty Party

First of all, pardon me for my last potty related rant. Potty wise, we were having a bad day…week…couple of weeks. Having said that, here’s the latest edition of Wee-Wee-Weekly.

There is something to be said for buddies when working towards a goal. People have fitness buddies all the time-exercise buddies, diet buddies, etc. My sister, Rachael, has two daughters: Kate, who is just a couple of months older than Malia and Sabrina, who is starting first grade this year. These two have been Malia’s potty buddies. And having a potty buddy has been super fabulous for Malia. She does have three older brothers, but she doesn’t care a lick that they wear big boy underwear. She is, however, enormously impressed by the fact that Kate and Brina wear big girl panties.

Last week we invited Rachael and Kate to come have a mini birthday celebration with us for Malia’s birthday. Malia was really jazzed and asked if Sabrina would be coming. This is the conversation that followed:

Me: “No, Sabrina will be at school.”

Malia: “In her panties?”

Me: [trying enormously hard not to just bust out laughing] “Yes.”

Malia: "And Kate will go to school in her panties."

Me: [still trying to contain my glee] "Yes."

Malia: "And I will go to school in my panties!"

Me: "Yes!"

I was laughing in my head the entire time. I mean, going to school commando is not exactly a fabulous idea. Although it isn’t actually written in the school dress code, I’m pretty sure that underwear is required as part of appropriate school attire.

Speaking of school and the appropriateness of wearing underwear when going to the hallowed halls of learning, I think Malia is going to be in fine shape when school starts in two weeks. After my last potty related rant, we had a few hard weeks. There was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth when the potty was mentioned. Then one day last week as I was helping Malia get dressed in the morning, she flat out asked for a diaper (not that she had been in one during the day for over a month) and I told her no. Then she asked for a pull-up (not that she had been in one at home for at least a couple of weeks) and I told her no. After some more complaining, she finally consented to the panties in spite of the fact that she really didn’t want to be bothered with the whole potty thing. Once she was firmly convinced that I was not going let this particular fight go, she must have just decided that she might as well give in because later that morning, she suddenly stopped, looked at me and said, “I have to go potty!” And so we ran to the bathroom and she was still dry and after she did the deed there was much cheering and clapping and many wahoos and she got to call Kev on the phone to tell him all about it. It was a big deal for both of us.

That seems to have been the turning point. She has been staying dry more consistently with each day and has figured out that she really can go by herself and doesn’t have to wait for us to tell her it is time to go or even wait for someone to go with her. She has always told me that she’s a little girl and not a big girl, but a few days ago she said, “I’m a big girl!! I growed and growed and growed!!” I think that gaining this particular skill has given her a sense of accomplishment.

And honestly, her being okay with even the idea of using the potty started the day we spent the whole day with Kate and Brina and one or both of them went with her every time she headed to the potty, which was about every 45 minutes at that point. And I’m really glad that Malia has some girl cousins. I think the potty training buddy system should be shouted from the rooftops. Because a potty party is way more fun than just going to the bathroom by yourself. In fact, even as adults women have a tendency to visit the ladies room in groups. (Y’all can’t honestly tell me that you and your besties never headed to the ladies on prom night to discuss how everything was going with all the gentlemen.) Honestly, I think I need to buy those girls a cookie…or some new princess panties. ;-)

Fluid Thinker

So Malia will be starting preschool in a couple of weeks. She will be three by then…just barely. All summer we’ve been priming her for potty training by telling her that she has to use the potty and wear big girl panties so she can get a backpack and go to school. With the potty training part actually making some progress (she’s in princess panties most of the time now although we still have to remind her to go to the bathroom so she doesn’t have problems) we decided she was ready for the backpack. She chose princesses, of course.

She was also determined to get a lunch box even though she doesn’t need one. Matthew was at this exact same stage when he decided he needed a lunch box, so I let Malia pick one. She chose a totally girly lunch tote...

that doubles as a hat…

What can I say? She thinks outside the box…or bag. :-)

It's Her Potty and I'll Cry If I Want To

So potty training. Not my fun time. I'm soooooo tired of sitting in the bathroom. And being perky and upbeat and supportive about the whole thing when in my head I’m screaming, “Just pee already…and stop playing around!” And of course thinking such things makes me feel like a terrible mother. One of the ladies I visit teach is so serene, so calm and peaceful with her kids. She speaks to them in a low, calm voice, reasoning with them and they respond. I try to reason with my kids and they just look at me like I’ve lost my mind which, in fact, I might have. I always come away from out visits feeling like the spazy mom rather than the serene mom. But I digress. Back to the potty talk. After our rough start a few weeks back, Malia did pretty well. She was getting the hang of things and had days when she was mostly dry. I was optimistic.

And then last week rolled around and Malia decided she didn't want to go potty. At all. Major setback. After a few days of that, she had another good day and I was hopeful again.

And then this week happened. And we have hit the potty wall again. She'll happily go to the potty if one of her brothers will go to because then it is a "potty party," but other than that she is not cooperative. I'm reminded of the comments my older sister makes about potty training her oldest. They came to an agreement where she (my sister) wouldn't make her and she (my niece) wouldn't bother.

That's where we are. I don't want to make this a big power struggle so I've stepped back a bit and Malia is just fine with that. And now I'm not sure where to go from here because we have one month until preschool. I'm sure things will come in time because my niece just finished her first year of college and she didn't do it in diapers, but I'm at somewhat of a loss. I wanted to teach Malia this skill without resorting to bribery like I did with the boys (stickers, treats, dollar store trips…I really don’t want to go there) but I might have to pull out something sparkly to give her some incentive.

This is one of those times when I'm reminded of just how young Malia is compared to the other kids she will go to school with. A few more months to get ready would probably be good. And I'm also reminded of just how much the dumb migraines affect my life because they are the reason we didn't begin this whole adventure earlier in the year. And once again I’m feeling like the spazy mom because everyone says that girls are easier to potty train than boys and honestly, I’m just not seeing it…

Positive Peer Pressure

Peer pressure parenting may not be a good thing for us, but it appears that party time potty training is. We spent a good portion of the day at my parents' house so Malia could play with Kate, her cousin who is 2 1/2 months older than she is. Both girls were completely dry the whole time we were there and I don't know about Kate, but Malia was dry the entire rest of the day as well.

I told my sister Rachael that I might need to borrow Kate for a couple of weeks. :-)

Peer Pressure Parenting

Today was the first day of serious potty training. Malia started showing readiness earlier this year, but I was so mired in daily migraines that I just couldn't give potty training the time I knew it would take. So now that the headaches on definitely improving and preschool starts in two months, today was the day to get serious.

I'm not a huge fan of potty training. I'm not sure that anyone is, but having a couple of kids who were enormously tough to train has really made it unpleasant for me. Which means I've been pretty stressed about the whole thing. I don't want any repeat performances of the power struggles and drama that accompanied the training of some of my boys. I've had tons of other moms tell me that the "naked weekend" approach is super and works like a charm. All the mommy bloggers I've come across rave about it and go on and on about how pull-ups are the epitome of evil. So I figured I'd give it a try.

This morning we got Malia all dressed and into her brand new big girl panties. She is seriously excited about the panties (Anna, Elsa, princesses, and even Olaf!) so this was a big deal. We set a timer and headed to the bathroom about half a dozen times with no results. So we sat her down, fed her breakfast (lots of juice included) and I figured we were on our way. I was prepared for lots of accidents so the first one was no surprise to me. But Malia was a bit upset and once we cleaned everything up, she asked to have plastic pants on top of her panties. That should have been my first hint that things were not going to go well...

We reset the timer, but Malia did not even make it ten minutes before she was wet again. And she continued to wet herself every 5-10 minutes.I know that she can stay dry longer than that, so I was a bit concerned about how things were progressing. One hour and six pairs of panties later, she asked for a pull-up and I was happy to oblige. My normally happy and chatty 2 year old was totally stressed out and anxious. When I get totally stressed out and anxious, one of the results is that I have to pee every five minutes. And I suspected that I was seeing the same thing in Malia.

Once she was in the pull-up, we reset the timer and 15 minutes later Malia was back in the bathroom, still dry, and peed in the potty. Forty-five minutes later, we had a repeat performance. And Malia was smiling and laughing again.

After we switched tactics, Malia did better. She was dry more often and her mood was greatly improved. We have a long way to go seeing as this was only the first day, but she’ll get there when she gets there. And hopefully that will be in time for preschool.

I'm sure that potty boot camp works for some kids and moms, but that is clearly not going to work for us. Sometimes slow and steady really does win the prize. It may take us a little longer to say Malia is actually trained, but I have no problem with that as long as my child is happy and her bladder is not doing a splendid imitation of a nervous chihuahua.