"You Already Know"

Yesterday I was reading something that referred to Moroni's Promise and it made me think back on my own personal "Book of Mormon conversion." (You'll have to forgive me for not knowing what I was reading. In addition to the Book of Mormon, I'm also in the middle of a book about understanding Isaiah, two issues of The Ensign, and a handful of issues of The Friend. Needless to say, my spot at the table is a big, enormous, crazy, chaotic, wonderful mess.) I'm not sure I have recorded this particular experience anywhere, mostly due to the fact that journaling at twelve is an entirely different beast from journaling at thirty-four. ("And I was like . . . And he was like . . . And her outfit was totally . . .") So being reminded of the experience, I thought I would take the chance to write it down, and in doing so, share it will all of you.

When I was twelve, all my friends were in the midst of discovering that the Book of Mormon is true. Every Sunday in church, someone different would share their experience, usually while crying the tears of the newly converted. These experiences were of the overwhelming, life changing type. And I would sit and listen and wonder what I was doing wrong because I didn't have any big, wonderful experiences to share.

After a while, I determined to really and truly focus on knowing if the Book of Mormon was true. If I needed to have one of those wondrous experiences in order to know, I wanted to have it. So one day I brought the question to the Lord. The answer I received was immediate, very clear, and much simpler than I had ever expected. There were no burning bushes, no thinning of veils, no overwhelming of mind and body. The answer was simply, "You already know."

Over the years, that simple and concise answer has become a pattern in my life. On numerous days of life-changing decision (such as which college to attend, whether to go on a mission or continue my schooling, whether Kev was the one I should marry), the answer has been exactly the same: "You already know."

In retrospect, I learned three very important things that day when I was twelve. First, I learned that spiritual experiences are not "one size fits all." These experiences are as varied as the individuals to whom they come. Second, I learned that by trying to live every day in accordance with the gospel, the Spirit is in fact guiding me, whispering to me, directing me every day of my life. He is my constant companion, not just a visitor on those all important "days of asking." Third, I learned that the Lord trusts me much more than I trust myself. By telling me that I already know the answer, the Lord is assuring me that I've kept Him in mind all along and that I'm on the right path. He doesn't doubt me, but I frequently doubt myself. What better reminder not to second guess myself than to tell me that I actually do know what I'm doing and that my choices are okay?

"Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise." (Alma 37:6)