Let’s talk a little bit about being the mother of a missionary at Christmas time. Thanksgiving was much easier than I thought it would be. Daniel isn’t usually in the kitchen during the mass pie baking and he was able to call on Thanksgiving, so although he wasn’t with us to eat turkey, we talked, and I felt like we got to share the holiday with him. The Christmas season thus far has been alright. Just occasionally I’ll feel a pang knowing he won’t be home with us. Matthew’s concert this week was one of those moments. But overall, I’m ok. Being able to chat with him each week via Skype really softens the fact that he isn’t here.
Last night was the ward Christmas party and although I’m in the relief society presidency and was neck deep in getting everything ready to go, our bishop and our relief society president (who just happens to be married to our bishop) kept a little tidbit from me. We currently have seven young men and women from our ward serving full time missions. One more came home just last week, and there are two more leaving in the next six weeks. That’s a lot of missionaries from one ward. They are amazing youth. The theme for our ward party was “He is the Gift,” in reference to the Savior. What I didn’t know was that the bishop emailed each of the missionaries from our ward and asked them to send a video of their thoughts concerning Christ and how he is the gift of Christmas. I didn’t know about it until suddenly, Daniel was up on the screen bearing his testimony about the Savior and all he means not just to all of us, but to Daniel personally. And so of course, I cried right there in the middle of the ward party. Why, you might ask? First of all, I’m just a huge crybaby, which we all know. Second, Daniel’s Christmas packages had gone in the mail yesterday morning and that was a bit of a reality check for me. And third, I had an enormous, crazy mix of emotions going on. I’m so incredibly proud of him, of the choice he made to serve, how hard he works and the tremendous spiritual growth I’ve already seen in him. On the flip side, his birthday was last week, and we weren’t able to celebrate with him (although there was a package sent for the occasion). And this is the first year that I won’t have all my little crew here with me to celebrate Christmas. As a mother, there are many firsts-first words, first steps, first days of school, first dates…so many joyful milestones in the lives of my children and our family. This is another first for us, but I find it much more bittersweet than many of our other firsts. This is the first year that my first child will be away for Christmas. I know there will be other many more Christmases in the future that will find us without a child or two or more, and I have no way of knowing how I’ll react to those, but this first one is hurting my heart a little. I know Daniel is where he is supposed to be and I wouldn’t want him to be anywhere else, but my mama heart aches just a bit.
So overall, I feel like I’m handling things well. I find modern technology to be a great blessing. Technology, combined with the new rule that allows missionaries to call home weekly, keeps us connected across the miles. And Daniel will be able to call on Christmas, so we’ll be able to share the day with him that way. But every once in a while, I feel a pang. I guess it goes along with the job title of “mom.”
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