This is what your hand looks like...

...after you very nearly slice off the pad of your finger while cutting watermelon which is especially stupid considering you spent 3 1/2 years working in the fruit and veg prep area of BYU's food services department while you were in college in which position one of the very first lessons they taught you was how to safely peel and cut melons without hurting yourself and thereby avoiding spilling copious amounts of blood, getting five stitches and traumatizing your 5-year-old.

I feel very stupid...and ow.