You stink. And I’m not talking about your lack of personal hygiene, although I suspect that if the most fulfilling part of your life involves creating new and exciting ways to screw up other people’s computers, a daily visit to your own personal hacker cleaner may not be high on your list. No, the whiff of Eau d’Swine that I am referencing has much more to do with the fact that you seem determined to completely hose up the computer of a completely unassuming housewife (who, by the way, does shower on a regular basis) who is just trying to use the internet to enrich her life. I mean, how is it your business if I want to find out how to make regular rolled oats into quick cooking oats so I can make a treat for my poor asthmatic children who have been cooped up in the house all week due to a wildfire-induced decrease in air quality? And what’s more, it’s nobody’s business but my own if I want to spend a few minutes of my precious free time making some attractive additions to my jewelry box and need a few new ideas.
I’m sure your goal is to bring down the huge corporations of the world to take away power from “the man” or some other such drivel, but in the process you are seriously cheesing off this average American housewife. And despite the fact that I am computer savvy enough to recognize what is happening so most times I can shut everything down before any serious damage is done, this infantile attempt to make your mark on the world is only marking you as an individual in serious need of a swift kick in the hindquarters . . . preferable administered by a red, four inch spiked heel.
So get a life. Or even better, get a wife. She’ll have you whipped into shape in no time. And she’ll give you more productive things to do than wreak havoc on my sanity. Of course, the most heinous “honey do” list in the world is probably better than you deserve.
Most Sincerely Ticked Off,
Been-Zapped-Twice-In-Just-Over-A-Week
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