Daniel had a concert last night. With Covid restrictions at the university being pretty much a thing of the past, we were actually able to attend the concert in person. Yesterday also happened to be Daniel’s birthday, so it was a perfect time for a visit. We took him to dinner and then attended his concert which was, in his words, the “perfect one” for us to attend this semester as all five ensembles in which he participates were performing. Yes, you read that correctly. He is in five ensembles this semester-wind orchestra, jazz orchestra, the Caine Sax Quartet, marching band and pep band. It is a lot. Even Daniel will say that, and he loves band. He does think that he needs to choose fewer ensembles in future though, so his schedule isn’t quite so insane and he can actually have a job.
According to Daniel, at twenty-one he is now old enough to legally rent a car and get drunk, not that he intends to do either of those things, but if he really wanted to, he could. It is hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that I have an adult child. When I look at him, sometimes I still see the little boy he used to be, the one who loved Thomas the Tank Engine and wanted to be a paleontologist when he grew up. It’s in the light in his eyes, the one that glows when he is excited. It’s in his grin when he is doing something that brings him joy. It’s in his ability to focus for endless hours on the things that he loves. In some very fundamental ways, he is still the same person he was at age five and I can see that.
I suspect having an adult child should make me feel old, but that isn’t really my predominant feeling. What I feel is a sense that time is moving much too quickly and I need to make sure to treasure every moment I have with these kids of mine, even the grown up ones. Before long, they will be establishing families of their own and while that is exactly what I want for them, it will definitely bring changes. So I’ll treasure the moments. Find joy in all the experiences we have now. And learn to look at the inevitable changes that having adult children bring with hope and anticipation rather than mourning the loss of past years. Because the future will be joyful as well. I may not know exactly what is in store for my little clan, but I do know that joy is not found in standing still. As bittersweet as it may be to watch my little ones become big ones, joy is found in progressing, in moving forward. Joy has a tendency to be intermingled with sorrow and heartache, but as I work to keep the big picture in mind, I know that all my experiences are so that I can gain even greater joy in the future. And the beauty of the gospel is that I will continue to share that joy with my family, including those who have yet to join my crew. Because that is my hope as well-that my children will find their sweethearts as I have and have a happy little troop of their own.
I guess to sum it all up, having my children grow up and move on with their lives is still a fairly new experience for me. I’m still working on figuring it out. Add to that the fact that sometimes I feel like I’m just barely getting the hang of being an adult myself, and I still have a lot to learn. But to be completely honest, my big kids are still working on being adults as well. So I guess we all still have some learning to do. And I think the name of the class is “life.”
