Internal Compass

Not long after Daniel and Nathan got home from school yesterday, I received a phone call from another mom in our ward. It was her turn to drive their carpool and when she was picking the kids up to go home, one little girl (we’ll call her LG-Little Girl-for convenience sake) was a sobbing mess. LG is in our ward an also in Nathan’s class at school. When questioned she said she was shoved down on the playground and she named Nathan and one other boy in their class as being involved. This particular mom knows Nathan and was very skeptical about him being involved in such an event. All the other kids in the carpool were likewise skeptical. Nevertheless, she felt like she should let me know something was going on.

After I was done on the phone, I called Nathan upstairs to see if I could figure out what was going on. When I asked if something had happened with LG, he responded in the affirmative. So I asked him to tell me what happened. He said that the other boy shoved LG and pushed her down. I asked what he was doing and he just shrugged, generally not a good sign when talking to my kids. So I pressed him for more info and he finally told me that he was pretend lunging and shoving. My heart sank. It appeared that while Nathan did not do the actual shoving, he was playing along with the whole thing. I told him that participating in that way was taking part in the bullying. Nathan, ever my tender-hearted kid, started to cry. He stood up and walked to his room and closed the door. I let him go, knowing he probably needed a few minutes to think. And I sat alone, dismayed by the turn of events. It is completely out of character for Nathan to do something like this. He has been on the receiving end of the bullying too many times and I simply could not understand why he decided to participate.

After a bit, I approached Nathan again. He was just sitting on the floor in his room, still crying. I asked him what was going on in his head and he told me he was sorry he had made a bad choice. So I asked him what he needed to do and he said he needed to apologize to LG. I looked up the phone number and he called and left a message when no one answered.

About an hour and a half later, the phone rang. Nathan answered the phone, walked into his room and talked for a few minutes. Than he brought me the phone and said that LG’s dad wanted to talk to me. I took a big breath and took the phone, sure I was about to get a very serious talking to. But I could not have been more wrong. Instead, LG’s dad said, “I just wanted to let you know how thankful I am that Nathan stood up for LG today.” There was a long moment of perplexed silence from me and then I told him that apparently I had no idea what was going on. So he told me that LG had told him that she, Nathan and the other boy had been playing together, all pretending to lunge and push. LG was just fine with all that. Then the other boy shoved her and pushed her down. At that point, Nathan said, “That’s going too far. We need to stop. You don’t hit girls.”

LG’s dad probably thinks I’m a total freak because that is when I started to cry and through the tears I managed to convey the fact that Nathan had not told me that part. We completed our conversation and I handed the phone back to Nathan because LG wanted to thank him as well. When he was finished on the phone, I pulled him aside. I told him exactly what LG’s dad had told me and he said, “Oh, yeah. I forgot that part.”

Not only did he do the right thing in a tough situation, but it was so second nature to him that it didn’t even stand out as an event to be remembered. I could not possibly be prouder of him. I apologized for misunderstanding what and happened and told him how proud I was. His countenance immediately brightened and my heart lightened with relief and joy.

I worry about the things my kids face when they walk out my door. It seems to me that they are being bombarded by temptation and filth in ever increasing amounts. But this is one kid that is going to be just fine. His moral compass is strong and firmly pointed in the right direction. I worry a little bit less knowing that.